Anxious Moments

Endings and beginnings

2012-01-01T15:15:00.001-05:00

(forgive format and typos - first post from my ipad)And so here we are -- bidding 2011 goodbye, and saying hello to 2012. It always amuses me (or confuses me) that our human culture has chosen this annual moment as the time to create momentous life-changing resolutions. But at least we have designated one moment for reflection and self improvement, which is better than none at all I suppose. I recently read the book The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubins and I've been thinking of starting my own I particularly like how she created a program built upon a progression of behavior changes in combination with research to really explore how to improve her level of contentment. The project required self study and brutal self honesty and a hell of a lot of discipline and commitment. None of these areas are strength of mine! Perhaps all the more reason to try. The first step for me is this:Body - better sleep, hydration, vitamins, diet, and exercise. Mind - learn something, read for illumination, seek non-fictionHeart - follow through on time and commitments with friends and familyThere are bound to be more as this project evolves. But I am going to try and make 2012 a year of self-awareness and appreciation of the good life I have. Resolution challenge here I come.

The Metropolitan Tri-State Lens

2011-11-10T00:45:00.000-05:00

I wonder if other areas of the country would treat this incident the same.

As I waited in the Newark-Penn train station today for my Acela express train to D.C. (the only way to go...at least on an expense account) I noticed all the DELAYS popping up on the board. When I asked some folks what was up on such a beautiful sunny day, I learned a "trespasser had been struck". And so it goes in the NY-NJ-CT Tri-state area....it's not about a victim, it's about a trespasser. It's not about the tragedy, it's about the commuter delays.

And although my train left on time, we were restricted to a much slower speed than the famed Acela express...and there were about 5 announcements apologizing for the delay due to "police activity", but no mention of the incident and its sorry outcome.

On an unrelated note, I was in my car on the way to the train when the "national emergency broadcast signal" was tested. Anyone else hear it and think it was a bust? First they announced it was coming and they'd be "off air" during the signal for about 3 minutes, then a sound and garbled message came on, then silence for about 2 minutes. Good thing "this is just a test, this is only a test"

The (Unbearable) Insanity of Life

2011-11-07T19:05:00.000-05:00

It has been some time (again) since I attended to my blogging. So here's a little randomness that is the insanity of my life.

Work Travel. All. The. Time. I'm actually holding up quite well, as is my loving and patient husband, but my gosh it has sped life up so much! Gone last two weeks. This week away only one overnight. Next week gone 4 days again....isn't it Thanksgiving immediately after that? They started playing Christmas music in the stores...I'm still disbelieving it isn't August.

Hair Art? I actually paid $260 to my hair salon on Friday. And I didn't buy a single product. That was JUST for service. Hubby wonders if I might try his barber at $12/visit. Meanwhile I think of how many times I pass something up in the same price range (small piece of artwork perhaps?) and yet I shell this out every 6 weeks or so for my hair!

Fall Back. My gosh I needed that hour this weekend. Hubby didn't think me saying at 7:30PM on Saturday - oh good, it is daylight savings time again...it is really only 6:30PM so I can get another hour of work in and still get to bed at reasonable time was the best use of the hour...but I did.

Storm Debris. Like everyone else in the area, we removed our broken tree limbs and stacked them by the street imagining the town will eventually come to claim the mulch materials. Hubby was given a gold star for his efforts, and maybe a purple heart comes next since he sliced his finger on his new saw pretty good as well. I keep telling him Artists shouldn't do labor that messes with their valuable hands....but he's multi-talented that way.

Kitty Yoga. Our strange little Penny-kitty has taken on a new habit. She sits in a yoga-like position so she can play with her back feet and tail...no lie, sometimes she is in this position for a good 20 minutes. It's enough to crack us up every time.

Sleepus Interuptus. I spent one of those anxiety anticipatory nights last night having a 7:30 AM presentation meeting I was totally prepared to deliver, but convinced client would be unhappy. Beside being convinced of utter failure to deliver on the project requirements, what was my number one anxiety? Sleeping through the meeting!! Hence awaking every 20 minutes to check the clock. Anyway, end result - I was up and ready on time, delivered the presentation and....surprisingly...client ecstatically happy. Meanwhile, I am pleased, but also totally confused on my own judgment that led me to believe my work sucked.

Conflicted Grocery Shopping. On Friday I was starving when I went to the grocery store. Everyone knows this is a big mistake. Never go hungry to a food shopping errand. The list be damned. I had in my mind this desire to stock up on healthy foods and began with bananas, fresh local apples, almonds, and pre-cut veggie packs. But then I saw the sale on ice cream - two gallons for $5 and snapped up the deal. And then I hit frozen foods. I got back on track and purchased a bunch of smart ones for lunches and quick dinners, but also picked up a frozen pizza that was calling my name. I went down the bread aisle and got some whole wheat, high fiber bread...and then picked up the Helluva Good Onion Dip and chips on the impulse buy. Conflicted much?

The Happiness Project. On advantage of travel is airplane reading time. I've blown through several books of late, the latest of which is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I'm now reading it a second time and developing an idea for my own project framework. It has to be achievable in measures...so we'll see. Regardless, I highly recommend the read...there are some honest and eye-opening moments.

Why I love him.

2011-10-24T23:35:00.001-04:00

Because Elvis Costello singing "Red Two" with Elmo and Cookie Monster makes him smile...and hum...and spontaneously giggle...and suddenly sing-song "Red Two...." when I think he is sleeping.

I gotta admit - it's way cute. Cowabunga!

And he's pretty cute too.

Ever Get Excited by a Pile of Dirt?

2011-10-12T20:33:00.001-04:00

I do!

Nine years ago (December 2002), Hubby and I purchased the Yellow Cottage. The previous owners, dear friends of ours, insisted on giving us a run-down of every wart and potential disaster on the property. Full disclosure was NOT a problem here. One of the major projects they swore should be the next on our list was a complete re-do of the driveway. Knowing they were right we eliminated any care and feeding of the current cracked, pitted, and shredded driveway. But then...we never did the big project.

Until now!

Big pile o' dirt!

Grading to avoid any stormwater draining into house.

Leveling and tearing out of old railroad tie retaining wall (to be replace by natural rock wall)

Shovel, shovel. And finally that old rusty b-ball hoop coming down!

Looking better already. Luckily they haven't destroyed my overhanging trees...yet.

And what is the best part about this project? Well...I suppose...that I'm out of town while it is underway. I'll be joining the pain of parking a block away soon however since it will be 2-3 weeks before it is complete.

Colorado Springs

2011-10-10T00:00:00.000-04:00

Information is a powerful thing. Especially when you've been searching for information for a long, long, time. My mom was looking for one of her college friends for many years...and finally, one day, her name and contact info popped up in the alumni information. We made contact, for the first time in over 35 years, and contact led to travel, and a wonderful weekend in Colorado Springs.

We were greeted with warmth and generosity and it was as familiar as our last memories with Linda so long ago. We immediately jumped into chatting and catching up and I watched with pleasure as Linda immediately fell into calling mom M.L. like she did long ago and they laughed and laughed.

Linda is THE best hostess. She greeted us with a printed itinerary but also promises to change anything that was planned. It totally eliminated that "well, what would you like to do now?" and "I don't know" ugly cycle.Our first day - Friday - was all about home and comfort and incredible food prepared by our hostess. Jet lag caught up with us and we went to bed early, looking forward to the next day's itinerary.

And then.....

...we awoke to the first snow of the season in Colorado Springs!

We stayed in for a while, watching the snow fly and started a little craft project Linda had cooked up.

But by afternoon, we were at Garden of the Gods and enjoying glorious blue skies. A visit to the trading post, drooling over gorgeous turquoise jewelry was almost as much fun as taking in the incredibly beautiful scenery with Pike's Peak in the background.

Then we got our cowboy on at the Flying W Ranch with some real cowboy waiters, cooks, and entertainment. Linda (right), mom (center), and Linda's husband Stan....wanted for what?

Mom and me!

We didn't know until we arrived it was dinner AND a show. Our waiters became the entertainment and man could those guys sing and play.

Stan was on the formal itinerary as well...showing us how beautiful woodworking is done.

But we were just as happy to sit, talk, sip, and watch the wildlife outside.

Thanks Stan and Linda for a glorious weekend of laughter, love, and fun.

Bedroom inspirations

2011-10-02T22:04:00.001-04:00

I've been trying for some time to get inspired about our master bedroom. Yesterday, while shopping with T I was trying to figure out what to do with the room again.... We now have a painting we love over the bed, a coverlet I picked up at a tag sale in a gorgeous teal blue that picks up some of the tones of the painting. And that's it. That's all I've got. We stood in Penney's and then in Target, and I was paralyzed. What to do? What decision to make? Eventually we reasoned our way into two choices to take home.

And I was happy.

And then I put them on the bed.

And I was UNhappy.

As Hubby said, "Neither of them Wow me."

And that was it exactly.

So today, I do what I never do. I went shopping for a 2nd consecutive day on my heavily protected homebound weekends.

And as I walked toward the door with my awkwardly repacked bedding to return, I saw the hydrangeas. And I thought how happy they make me and how beautiful they are and how they actually have many of the same tones we love in the painting....

So I returned the bedding and stopped in to Pier One, TJ Maxx, Christmas Tree Store, and finally Bed Bath and Beyond. I did my usually indecisive shopping dance. Circulating through the bedding department in some crazy patterned zig-zag. Picking things up and putting them down repeatedly. I stumbled upon a similar quilted matelasse coverlet to the one I had bought at the tag sale and it had shams available to purchase...so I picked those up and decided I would get those at least. Making this decision was a big deal....because I truly do find this stuff paralyzing.

Then I wandered into the duvet section and started tossing different items down on the floor with my teal coverlet. Some interesting things started happening but I still wasn't sure.

So, as is my habit, I put them all back.

Then I walked to the front of the store. And suddenly I stopped. Hell. I have to try something.

So I headed back with an empty cart and I filled it to the brim with duvet cover, sheet set, some accent pillows (from different bedding set...not all matchy matchy). On the way back I stopped in the decorative pillow aisle...seeing nothing...but as I turned to leave I caught the sight of something amazing.

Pillows with hydrangea patterns in exactly the blue/green/purple hues I love.

Paydirt!

When I rang out I winced at the total, but if my search is over, it may all be worth it.

I came home and stripped the bed...put on the new sheets (I know, I didn't wash them but who has the patience for that now really??) added shams, stuffed my old comforter in the duvet coverlet and made up the bed. I pulled out pillow after pillow from the bags (I think I bought like 7!) and stacked and layered. I took two more of the hydrangea patterned pillow( these with more bright tones) and threw them on the window seat and stepped back.

Holy crap. This might just work.

After some pillow editing with hubby's help, I'll be reducing our total outlay to a semi-reasonable amount.

Now on to picking out window treatments, flooring, paint, lamps, and new furniture....this could take a while.

50/50 was almost a disaster

2011-10-02T21:29:00.003-04:00

Spoiler alert. If you plan to see 50-50, don't read this until you do.

So Saturday was distraction duty day for my dear friend T. I sent her an email with three options earlier in the week.

1.       Ambitious, exciting, cultural – very distracting
2.       Fun, girlie, entertaining – distracting, but lower key
3.       Soft, easy, couch-potato-esque – distracting, but VERY chill

We decided, the middle one was juuuuust right. So I took her off for lunch, a movie, and some shopping. We hit the movie theater first to figure out showings and times. Neither of us were up on current movie titles so we actually had to go old school and check out the binder with movie synopses to make a choice. We narrowed it to three and then T abdicated. I did a little eeny-meeny-minie-mo-ing at the ticket machine, and we were on for 50/50.

Then we hit my favorite mall restaurant - Stir Crazy - cause it has fresh yummy Thai fusion food and is right next to the movie theatre. And it is the perfect accompaniment to drama discussions. And drama was the discussion of the day, hers, and to mix it up, we added some about others too. Quite literally there was discussion of attempted suicides, murders, and other very serious mayhem.

Sometimes I'm really happy I lead a fairly boring life.

We hit the candy counter after all that yummy fresh Thai food so T could get something sticky for the movie. Normally I'm on board with that, but I was pretty full of Thai, so I opted for a small (which equates to half six-pack size) soda. Praying I wouldn't have to leave the movie 3 times to pee, we snuggled in for 25 minutes of previews....which all looked good, but also suspiciously looked like real Christmas tear jerkers.

Hmmmmm. Usually the previews are thematically linked to the movie you are seeing to catch the right demographic and movie tastes....

As the movie progressed, I thought - it's Seth Rogan, it can't be anything but cute funny right? Ummmm. Diagnosis. Broken hearts. Dysfunctional mother relationships. Alzheimer father. Shit. Shit. Shit. Have I actually brought my highly stressed out friend to view a family horror show with possible death of the main cute character at the ripe old age of 28? Shit. Shit. Shit. Are we both gonna walk out of here even more distraught and depressed?

I kept tearing up throughout the movie and watching my friend out of the corner of my eye. Wipe the eyes, drink soda, wipe the nose, drink soda, wipe the eyes again, drink soda.

Then the Doctor announces. The chemo, which has killed one of your cancer buddies and is killing another, has done nothing to help you. So we have to go take this ENORMOUS tumor from your spine now and you might not survive the surgery. Alzheimer dad stares off into space. Cheating girlfriend is gone. Crazy therapist he yelled at is out of picture. Nutty mom is smothering him. Shit. Shit. Shit.

It gets even more dramatic and I don't know if I'm more worried about the main character or my friend slowly munching her candy next to me.

Finally...agonizingly....it resolves. He lives. He thrives. He finds love with crazy therapist.

As the lights come up. I turn to my friend and before I can speak she says, "Thank God he lived. If he had died I might have totally lost it." And we look at each other and start laughing hysterically as I proclaim, "My God...I was thinking the exact same thought. We sit through most of the credits laughing.

And as we continued on with our day I thought: That was good. That one moment of connection and laughing was the perfect thing we BOTH needed.

Oh. That and the shoes. Cuz nothing says girl day of fun like new shoes.

A Need to Believe

2011-09-29T20:26:00.003-04:00

I've been profiled. Many times. As is the wont of many corporate organizations as they team-build, develop talent, and sometimes just want to peek into the brains of their middle managers, I've been through several of those psychological evaluation exercises. One thing that has consistently emerged is my "need to believe". Our MERGER has, at times, shaken that belief to its core. But eventually I came out of the dark places and have been trying to emerge back into that sweet space of believing again.

I seem to have one foot still stuck back in the dark places though. Not by my own choice, but by the fact that gripped around my ankle are all the negative whispering (sometimes screaming) voices of my pre-MERGER colleagues. Between this horrible economy creating a dearth of opportunities and the MERGER identifying and acting upon redundancies, we are slicing and dicing ourselves to a shadow of our former glory.

I'm actually not averse to this. Or more accurately, I understand the need for this. But as always, the human side is heartbreaking, and the desire of our organization to treat these earth shattering changes (in a 100 year old company where nothing ever used to change!) as business as usual is undermining my shaky faith.

A meeting was recently held here. A meeting that used to be the LEADERS of the organization coming together to share info. With the new regime, I quickly recognized this was going to be a meeting of the desperate, uninformed, and marginalized. When all eyes turned to me with questions about how was the new organization thinking, I found myself on the hot seat. Struggling to keep my new upbeat believing attitude in the face of such evident disdain for the current administration and such obvious dissatisfaction with the direction (or lack of) for our business.

Is it no wonder I'm welcoming travel more than I thought I would? Getting out of the FORMER headquarters and going to the CURRENT headquarters is like a breath of fresh air. Going to meetings with divisions that are operating in the black and away from my former business line which is stuck in the red. Meeting with people with hopeful attitudes, happy to work for a good solid company with a future and skipping meetings with people who are filled with the need to continually rail against the "machine".

Where is the truth? Is it in the promise of the future, or the lost of the past? Is it in the hard nosed business culture or the warm and fuzzy family environment? I'm still hoping for a spot in the middle - a balance between business, growth and prosperity, and an enjoyable, inspiring place to work. But how to make it happen?

Damned if I know.

So right now, my focus is on my little corner of the world and releasing my foot from the death grip and out of the dark hole. Then I'm trying to keep my team buoyant and upbeat and delivering success. Once our boat is done rocking, hopefully we can reach to the drowning in the pool and hope they don't swamp our little life raft and pull us all under again.

Serenity Now!

2011-09-28T16:42:00.001-04:00

Over the last 9 days a friend of mine has been pushed to the brink of a nervous breakdown. With legal implications still pending, I'll keep the details to a minimum, but suffice it to say that family can be your best ally or your worst enemy, and if the latter, they know how to deploy emotional terrorism better than any other human being on earth. When I speak to her I never know if I'm going to get the calm, competent, intelligent woman I have known for 20 years, or a sobbing hysterical self-doubting unrecognizable person. Yesterday, I sat with her and calmly talked for nearly an hour about updates to her situation. Not 30 minutes after I left, she called me at home fraught with tension and gasping for breath between crying jags and just needing me to talk her down.

Serenity Now! My brain shouted thinking of the mad mad Costanza family. In reality, I had to tell her she was not insane, unreasonable, or wrong. I had to tell her to breathe....just breathe. I suggested a cold cloth, a quiet dark room, and chocolate...dark rich chocolate, to get the right endorphins flowing. And I volunteered to lead her to a day of distraction this weekend.

Later that night, unable to sleep, I found my mind beginning to construct a Serenity Now Mantra that might help her in moments when I can't jump on the phone and talk her down.

SERENITY NOW MANTRA

I am a good person.
To be a good person I do not need to subsume my own wants and needs.
To be a good person I do not need to accept toxic behavior and forgive all deeds.
To be a good person I do need to be kind, be honest and be real.

I am a strong person.
To be a strong person I do not need to do it all myself.
To be a strong person I do not need to know all the answers.
To be a strong person I do need to accept help and be true to my core.

I am a person of truth.
To be a person of truth I do not need to explain all of my actions.
To be a person of truth I do not need to give advance notice of my intentions.
To be a person of truth I do need to keep my motivations true to my values and when I speak, speak honestly.

I am worthy of being loved.
To be loved I do not need to change.
To be loved I do not need to beg.
To be loved, I simply need to be my true self and to offer love in return.

So, my lovely friend....I hope you find your serenity....if not now....soon.

It's really only Monday?

2011-09-27T00:13:00.003-04:00

Well, actually at 12:03AM it's actually Tuesday....but it's been a very long day. It actually began about 28 hours ago, when I plugged in my computer to prep for today's meetings. I was feeling pretty unprepared to facilitate a six hour meeting on brand positioning for one of our divisions. As a matter of fact, I was trying to remember what EXACTLY this division even did! So at about 5PM I plugged in and began reviewing files, websites, reports, meeting notes, brochures, and competitor materials. At about 3AM, after doing this an several other procrastinated(procrastinating) tasks and absorbing way too much Sister Wives (where did that little reality tv gem come from...???) radiating from the hotel television, I finally fell into bed. Of course the alarm showed no mercy with a piercing yelp at 6AM and I was up and on to my first meeting of the day at 6:45 am. It is now 12:12am and I'm in PJs, in bed, surfing for more Sister Wives and disbelieving that I have four more days to this week.

So I ask again, it's really only Monday?

Life Chronicle

2011-09-25T18:57:00.000-04:00

I've noticed many bloggers I used to follow are posting more sporadically and as I've repeatedly stated...me too. I will, however, give myself credit for sticking with this for as long as I have - over 3 years - which beats my former diary record by a good 2 years, 50 weeks and 4 days.

But this weekend was a wake-up call for why I should try more diligently to continue. I spent about 24 hours in the highly enjoyable company of a dear friend from long ago. A truly wonderful woman with whom I was fortunate to spend those painful junior high and high school development years. And as we talked (and talked and talked and talked) every time we tried to talk about the "good old days" I found tremendous holes in our memories. Likened to swiss cheese is my sad little brain.

We spent an hour or so spying on old high school "friends" on facebook. Hating on those who have aged better and more beautifully than us....enjoying far too much when the result appeared to be the opposite. Essentially we were reverting to our immature 15 year old selves...trying to shun the cliques who were actually shunning us. Yes RASCK you know who you were. We talked about the teenagers in our lives and the different experience they are having growing up and I found myself wishing I had been granted the opportunity at their age to blog, tweet, and facebook every possible (non)newsworthy moment and thought of my life. This of course with the caveat that I would also need to have operated with an intelligent adult level of judgment on appropriate information sharing.

While it may be impossible to recreate those teen years, the early 20's when I was beginning an adult life, and those 30's when I was growing into a fully-cooked human...I could, with some stick-to-it-ive-ness chronicle my 40's!

After all, I'm nearly halfway to 50.

Two City Living

2011-09-15T23:48:00.003-04:00

As is my pattern right now, I alternate between my home office (White Plains NY) and the corporate headquarters (Denver CO) a few other location trips in between. I've been traveling nearly every other week for the past several months. In the process I've started to learn a few things about two city living.

Always travel with your GPS. Even though it is one more clunky electronic device to get through security, it is a must when you are in a strange city. Of course, my family would say it is a must for me even it my home city since I am...um...directionally challenged. And I freely admit it is true. My Tom-Tom is my friend.
Get smart about packing. This week I decided to go buy some low-budget but servicable work outfits here in Denver (Thank You Target) and also a portable wardrobe storage closet (Thank You IKEA) and leave them in the Denver office. Using Hotel laundry and dry-cleaning services 24 hours before check-out means I can easily leave behind a week's worth of clean clothes and can travel with a little week-ender bag.
Go electronic. My laptop weighs a ton...but what really breaks my back is all the paperwork. This week, I observed one of the executive assistants in our Denver office using an unusal pen. Turns out it is a very special device indeed, which allows you to record everything you write and store it electronically. I immediately placed an order and envision I will be traveling with much less paper and file records in the future. I'm sure I'll devote a future post to the "Live Scribe" system (http://www.livescribe.com/)
Sleep when you can. Although there is a two hour difference, I rarely suffer from jet lag and adjust pretty quickly. However, I do find that I sleep less. A lot less. I go to bed late, I get up early, and I have wierd middle of the night wakefulness. I've taken to ordering a pay per view movie - not to watch - but to put me to sleep....and I think I wake up when the movie stops. So, I'm trying to learn to really go down for sleep early to try and get the 6 hours a night I need to be upright (if not function at a high level).
Re-entry can be bumpy. I often fiind no matter how much I really really really can't wait to get home to my honey and my kitty and my own bed I often walk in the door in a crap-ass mood. I think it may have something to do with that week-long wierd sleep thing, high-tension work, high altitude dehydration, and my natural beeyotch self.

So in a little more than 24 hours I'll be home (oops, that reminds me - gotta get my boarding pass!).

Hydrangea Heaven

2011-09-10T14:09:00.000-04:00

After my last post...I needed a breath of air, so wandered out into my garden. One thing you can say about the wet spring and hot summer we had is the hydrangeas loved it. And I mean LOVED it. After 7 years of waiting for the hydrangea bushes to produce...anything...this year they burst with abundance.

And I've determined to make that abundance count. I asked around (cuz why research on the internet when you know gardeners with opinions you trust) and learned that the key to keeping dried hydrangeas is to wait until they begin to dry on the bushes. And so I've waited impatiently for this perfect moment. And despaired that hurricanes and drenching rains would ruin my chances....but mother nature smiled upon my garden aspirations and my home now looks like Hydrangea Heaven.

Eat your heart out Martha Stewart.

9.10

2011-09-10T12:46:00.000-04:00

It is September 10th, 2011.

Today I have written a post about 9-11. Actually I've written about 18 posts and deleted every one of them.

I attempted to be smart and sentimental and eloquent. I attempted to put to words the myriad of feelings from sorrow, to anxiety, to exhaustion, to pride, to shame, to irritation, to fear....but all I can really say is I remember. I know where I was. I remember the shock. I remember praying with a group at work, even though I don't really believe. But after all, I didn't really believe this could happen either and I was so wrong.

But most of all I remember one name and one face. And while I can claim only a passing acquaintance, it is the single most important element of remembering this day. One soul among 3,000. One person whose substance I could touch, and whose loss I could feel.

So tomorrow, Rick O'Connor, I remember you.

A View from My Seat

2011-09-10T01:28:00.000-04:00

Today I met VP in our Manhattan office for a meeting. Normally we are in a conference room that faces a brick wall. Today, the conference room was double-booked, so they moved us to a free office on the opposite side of the building, where the view was.....

...just a little better. Yes, that is THE iconic Chrysler building. VP and I decided we would like to park ourselves in this office most any day. Between that and the gorgeous early September day, it was hard to keep my mind and eye on work today.

Hooky Day....

2011-09-08T00:49:00.001-04:00

What do you do on a day predicted to have potential for drenching downpours when you have a humongo pile of work on your desk with screaming deadlines?

Go to Yankee Stadium to get wet and watch them lose an extra inning squeaker?

Me too.

Note - day made possible by my (preMERGER) former CEO, who took Hubby and me to the game as a thank you for my hard work over past couple of years on his projects. This obviously made the work deadline issue a little easier to manage. Great seats - 18 rows up just behind home plate...but NOT covered from rain. We had an awesome time anyway.

Feeling powerless...

2011-09-06T22:26:00.002-04:00

Despite the desire of IRENE to play havoc with our plans, we survived and actually thrived on our vacation. The storm swung well west of us (sorry Vermont) and pounded the interior of New England much more so than the coastal region. We certainly did experience the storm and in a very scientific way - feeling each "band" as it swung around the large circular range of activity. In between each band (dark skies, gusting winds) there were short periods of soft breezes and sunshine. It was a very manic-depressive type of event.

Power was lost early on...and I'm using Power in the broadest sense. Our first power lost was feeling powerless when we arrived and found the property manager who was supposed to be the caretaker of the rental home, was in fact, stuck in North Carolina. His wife kindly handed us the key and informed us she had no concept of how the property should be prepared for the storm, how the hurricane shutters worked, if the outdoor furniture would be dismantled and stored (or should be), and how to work the home generator system.

Hmmm.

After some discussions by phone and email with the property owner, she asked us to please "TEXT" the property manager. Here is our text series:

Me: "We are renting the Txxxx house. We were told you would handle house prep for storm but you are not here!"
Me: "Your wife said we are on our own. Have you made plans for furniture, grill, shutters, etc.?"

Him: "Yes"

[see smoke coming from my ears]

Me: "Ok. Can you share what they are?"

Him: "Why. If something needs to get done it will."

[see major flames now spouting from my mouth and sparks flying from my eyes]

Me: "That answer is not satisfactory."

....this exchange continued until he finally assured me he had a crew on standby and all would be handled....

Then, no one showed up. So we packed up the outdoor furniture, overturned the picnic table, figured out how to use (although we didn't deploy them) the hurricane shutters, and inspected the paperwork in the closet on the generator. We got out our games and lanterns and determined to enjoy our stormy seclusion.

Needless to say, when we became ACTUALLY powerless about one hour into the storm, and the generator kicked on with an unhealthy weaze that slowly and surely became the sound of a battery of machine guns locked inside a metal tank (at about 3AM), I was less than pleased with the property manager.

When the cops showed up with a noise complaint, we happily provided the property manager's name. And with the cops came a greater responsiveness. If we had known that, we would have reported ourselves much earlier.

Our powerless situation continued on our arrival home when we found a pool full of leaves and debris, and a circuit breaker that had blown leaving our kitchen (of all rooms) without power for a week. That's one way to clean out the fridge!

But, all complaints aside, I would still consider the vacation a rousing success. The weather was spectacular as soon as IRENE cleared the area, the power was eventually returned, the food was great, the company was even better, and I actually turned off the blackberry by mid-week.

Only 11 months and 3 weeks until we can go back.
Check out hubby's spectacular Cape images here

Define Crazy

2011-08-27T00:11:00.000-04:00

Crazy just may be heading off to a Cape Cod vacation during a Hurricane Watch/Warning along the New England Coastline.

We weighed all the various advisories, watched all the models, called the property owner, property manager, and even local police. We've monitored weather.com, NOAA, and every other possible source of weather news. And we still just don't know.

We do know that last year we left the Cape early because of Hurricane Earl and it was not much of an event. However, we also know that you can't assume that will be the case here.

I think I like Craig Allen (local 880 CBS weather guy) the best. He indicates caution, talks about reality checks and the fact that while not "the storm of the century" that some would like to create panic around, there are real dangers here...especially for flooding. He also talks about significant impacts, but doesn't try to make you feel like you'll be trapped in a Wizard of Oz moment.

So, we've secured our home, we took in all of the lawn furniture, strapped the outdoor storage boxes to the fence, pulled my car into the garage. We lowered the water level in the pool just in case we were to get that 10-12 inches of rain. Not much more we could do at home.

We know the house we are renting has hurricane shutters and is on the bay side so it is more sheltered from big gusts in from ocean. We have packed batteries, flashlights, candles, water, and non-perishable food stuffs to get us through a day or two.

We are heading off at 5AM.

So, I don't really think we are crazy...sort of...at least not as crazy as those Hurricane Hunters who fly into the eye of the storm, right? (Don't worry Mom - will check in frequently so you know we are ok).

Fingers crossed that the rest of the vacation is boring as hell.

6 days and 14 hours, but who's counting

2011-08-20T13:38:00.000-04:00

Once again we'll make our trek northward to Cape Cod for our vacation. And other than the fact that I can't seem to locate my Teva sandals anywhere, I am ALREADY PACKED! This has to be a record for me and I'm sure I'll still be running around like a crazy woman the evening before checking and re-checking everything. But right now...in my mind...I'm halfway to the Cape.

This is our 10th anniversary of this trip. We began in August of 2001. We had no idea that one week after our return home, the world would change. We had no idea that 10 years later, our little piece of the world would have this one week of recurring sanity to keep us going forward.

My VP often shakes his head about my return to this "local" vacation spot year after year. But there is something so special about the Cape. Hubby will say it is the light as he gets up at the crack of dawn or earlier each day to capture the special early morning rays with his camera. Our travel companions will say it is the easy going beachside environment - not crazy like Jersey Shore, not fashion-conscious like the Hamptons. I say it is the peace. Even though we have a house full of people and personalities, we know the place like our own hometown and we have the routines in place that we all enjoy.

Chocolate covered bananas in the freezer on Day One through Day Seven.
Zweigel hots imported from my hometown and ready for spot grilling anytime.
The lobster pot dinner event.
Lunch and antique shopping on girl's day out.
Three books in one week.
Broken down beach chairs and old college comforters on the beach.
King Rummy card games after dark.
Nosh-fests on the deck watching the sunset.
Wading in water so cold your toes curl in protest.
Low-tide marathon walks.
Fresh donuts from Flemings.
Fried seafood at the local shacks.
Half-price end of season t-shirt sales.

When we began this journey 10 years ago, Miss Chloe was 6 months old. Her brother only 7. Now he is 17 and starting his senior year of high school, and she is 10, taking the world by storm. We've lived through the years of crying baby, sand rashes, and fear of the water. We've lived through the bored antisocial teen. We've lived through personal strife and tragedy, fair weather and foul, an uprooting of the traditional rental location, and all sorts of other ups and downs. In the end, no matter what, it remains the single week I look forward to the most every year.

As we speak, one more item is getting crossed off the list. Hubby is talking with our cat-sitter for our time away who's getting educated on dry/wet cat food, water supply, tricky locks, cat toys, cable tv use, etc.

And me? Well, I just ordered some new Teva's (to be sure if mine remain lost I'll have some for the trip), my bag is packed, my checklist is half done, and I 'm charging up the camera. Because the anticipation is almost over and the reality is almost here.

The First (and Only?) BBQ at Wenderina's in 2011

2011-08-09T01:40:00.000-04:00

It has been a busy world. But I'm sick of saying that. Instead I'll focus on the fun and downtime I had over the past few days which could have been made better by only one thing...if Hubby had been similarly able to relax.

When my mom comes to visit I live my life by slightly different rules. I feel that I need and want to make the most of my day and I actually grocery shop and have a list of possible meals to make. I actually tell people at work that I will be leaving ON TIME and I do (almost). We sit at an actual table and eat our meals. That feels more appropriate now with my protective instinct for the new couch, but still...no tv, just food, a table, and conversation....who knew you could get that outside a restaurant? And while many a regular weekend includes me putting the stinking blackberry in a drawer, I'm often still in some way or form plugged in to the work week. But not this weekend. Mama Lou was in the house and I was off the clock.

On Saturday, we had the annual Moms' birthday BBQ celebration for both our Moms since they have the same date of birth. As I sat in a quiet moment and talked with the women of the gathering, I was interested to learn that my friend Kir who lost her job in January and last I had seen her (Feb) was in a panic about it, had a new story to tell. "I'm not missing work. Not. at. all. And I'm not ashamed to admit it." She is filling her days with all kinds of activities, hobbies, reading, relaxing, helping a couple of people with some freelancing, but essentially, just making her own rules and living her own life. Of course a little money coming in would be nice. But they're making ends meet. And she's kind of astonished after working her tale off for more than 20 years how nice it is not to have a job.

Tonight in contrast, I sat with my two team colleagues where the statement was made by one, "I'm not having any fun any more at work. None." I'm not in that same place....I still have some fun...I'm driven by the adrenalin and now that we are clearing the MERGER and INTEGRATION, I'm finding the groove again. But there are a lot of times where I'm pretty overwhelmed by the magnitude of my every day list and the feeling of not making a dent. Not ever.

As sick as I am of talking about being busy, I'm also sick about whining about finding balance. Instead, maybe I'll just try to find moments of balance. Like my poolside dance. Like dinner with Mom at a table. And maybe a 2nd BBQ in the backyard.

"There is no terror in a bang....

2011-08-01T19:40:00.001-04:00

....only in the anticipation of it."
- Alfred Hitchcock

Ain't that the truth. Although I've been known to jump at a loud noise once or twice, the true anxiety in my life comes from anticipation. Of a deadline, of a test result, of a looming event, of travel to unknown places, of whatever might come around the corner next to surprise me and throw my life into turmoil.

Last night I had completed a long list of chores and I was feeling the typical raised anxiety that only the combination of PMS hormones and a Sunday night fading into Monday craziness can bring my way, so I determined to battle it rather than submit. I ate dinner with Hubby, catching up on our weekend of separate activities, and then while he napped a bit, I went outside to enjoy the gloaming.

Gloaming Photo courtesy of Google Images

I sat back in my lounge chair and put on my iPod and watched the bats and the dragonflies dance around the air as the sun set behind puffy blue-grey turning to amber-pink clouds. It was an amazing sight. And for a short time, I was Zen-like. I was not thinking about anything, I was just watching and listening.

As the darkness fell, I kept the ear-buds in and the volume up and began the process of putting all the weekend stuff away - the pool floats, the cushions, the hammock...all back into their respective cages in case of rain during the hectic work week. As I lifted the cushions my iPod turned to some new music I just downloaded - and despite myself I found my hips swaying and my head bobbing and I was soon twirling and dancing my way from one end of the patio to the other...echoing the bat and dragonfly dance and not even caring if the neighbors thought I was a total loon. (Luckily my patio is pretty hidden from view...)

At the end I felt like I'd had an aerobic workout and lots of fun and I finished with a big flourish and a dive into the deep end of the pool to cool off. One of those perfect moments that proves you can sometimes fight off the anxiety of anticipation if you really try...especially if you are willing to just be in the moment.

Come Fly With Me....It's a Good Life

2011-07-24T08:09:00.000-04:00

I would love to use this as an excuse for my lack of posting of late, but the truth is, I'm not sure what has been holding it up...a lack of general creativity perhaps? But what I will say is my life is much different these days than it was only 6 months ago.

The MERGER is nearly a done deal. And by that I don't mean the signed deal which was completed two years ago this month. I mean the INTEGRATION, which from here on in will be a capital letter and dirty word from my perspective. If MERGERs bring polar opposite feelings of anticipation and fear, INTEGRATION delivers on both with a healthy dose of frustration, powerlessness, confusion, and in the end, you are either in a better position than you started or a worse position....but you are never the same.

I am in a "better position" career wise, but I'm also working harder than I ever thought possible to get to the end of each day and each week. I have a great team of people made up of individuals from both organizations, and I've managed to keep my VP/Boss while Boss Lady and I are now equalized. My "better position" requires a lot of moving around. Small moves like running in and out of Manhattan every couple weeks for meetings, and big moves like Europe every few months for conferences or events, and continuing moves like the one I take today which is the constant back and forth from NY to Denver.

I have been to Denver nearly ever other week since early May. Every. Other. Week. It's not a brutal trip - about 3.5 hour flight which is quite doable even in the cheap seats, but it's a bit boring and I'm not sure it helps me to make progress on the actual work on my desk that can help the company succeed. I'm learning some agility. I'm learning how to pack and not get anxious about forgetting things. I've definitely learned to rent my own car while on the road rather than rely on others or just do car services. And I've learned about the fast food to fine dining choices in the Highlands Ranch area of Denver. Denver is Mecca for my company - being the U.S. headquarters. And it's an interesting turnaround for me as I always worked in headquarters and had people fly to me!

In today's day and age with internet, video conferencing, and cost constraints (not to mention carbon footprinting), it amazes me that there is this insistence that I be there in person for so many things. But as long as they don't make me uproot my life and move there (and really, there hasn't even been a whisper of that so far), I'll keep flying the friendly skies back and forth.

Over the next couple of weeks Hubby and I will be ships passing in the night...he is off now golfing and by the time he returns I'll be on my way to the airport. Then I return late Thursday night (really Friday wee hours) and he leaves Friday AM for a weekend convention returning Sunday night. I leave Monday AM for a quick overnight trip to Syracuse and return Tuesday night, and then we have my mom arriving for a long weekend/birthday celebration, and as she leaves on Monday, so do I, off again to Denver for 4 more days.

This is my life.

And really, should I complain? I have a loving and understanding husband. We have two jobs that are stable and paying the mortgage and all the services (lawn, housecleaning, etc) that help us lead this busy life. We have food in the fridge. A new Ethan Allen couch. A (knock wood) healthy family. And our military family members are thus far in friendly posts.

Tripping back and forth to Denver is the least I can do to earn this good life we have.

Harry Potter....Lives? You'll See.

2011-07-21T17:00:00.008-04:00

Far be it from me to spoil the ending for those who have not yet seen the final movie or read the final chapter. This is rather uncharacteristic of me as many people know it is hard for me to keep secrets. I'm someone who processes info by sharing and bouncing thoughts off others...so keeping something solely to myself is tough. Luckily, I only have to keep the Harry Potter secrets from those who have not read the books or seen the movie.

I was recently on a long flight to Europe and noticed the man next to me was reading the first book in the series. Now this, I thought, was one of two things...someone re-reading a favorite or just starting fresh. Eventually there was an opening for conversation and I asked. His response, "This is all new to me....but my girlfriend insisted I must read the series." I already knew the answer to my next question, but it still seemed to surprise him...."A new relationship, right?"...."How did you know", he asked. Because, only a new boyfriend would pick up a book like Harry Potter - if he hasn't already gravitated to it by interest - only a new boyfriend freshly in love and trying to please his new mate."

I swear he blushed a little. Sweet.

I have one friend who persists in asking me, "So, tell me, really, does Harry Potter survive or not?"

And I persist in answering, "You'll see...."

Which drives her batty.

Oh the small joys in life.

Having read all of the books, at least twice each, I've known the ending for some time. But I've enjoyed rediscovering the stories over and over again by viewing the films or by re-reading the pages of the book that can't possibly fit into the films by picking up the books over and over.

Last night, I got to enjoy the culmination of the series as it was brought to screen in Part 2 of The Deathly Hallows. And it was, forgive me, magical. The visuals were stunning and the acting was pretty darn good. Of course it lacks the depth of the book, even split into two films it is impossible to infuse all the detail of every battle, every close call survival, and every crushing defeat and death.

So yes, someone...or rather someones do die. But I'm not telling you who.

You'll see.

Good-bye Old Friend...Hello New

2011-07-20T23:02:00.000-04:00

Today we said good-bye to an old friend. A fluffy, comfy, but a little frayed around the edges friend. This friend was a perfect fit to us for many years, but you know how friendships can change, become worn out...when you've spent too much time together, you just get a little tired of one another. And yet...when a friend has been around so long, you are almost molded to one another...you may even find you look a little alike....and as you've aged, you both have your sags...your lumps and bumps in a variety of places...but you love one another all the same.

Good-bye old friend. We knew you well. We used you and abused you. We shared many a good time, and a few bumps and bruises. You kept our secrets, including helping us hide our money, our kitty's favorite toys, and even a crumb or two, or three....and for all those nights you cradled our asses, we thank you.

And so we welcome a new friend to the home. A little brighter, a little hipper, a little fresher and ready to take on new challenges, but still humble enough to continue to cradle our asses and serve as a special retreat for those afternoon naps.

New memories await us my firm well framed friend. And with your grown-up price tag, I expect you to stick around a very long time.

Oh, and I solemnly swear...no eating in your presence...at least until we get used to one another.

Amsterdam Cook-off

2011-07-18T19:22:00.002-04:00

During my recent business trip to Amsterdam, we had an evening event dubbed, Culitainment. This meant hopping on a bus and heading to De Kookfabriek. Where we quite literally worked for our dinner.

This was only a small portion of our prep activity as recorded by a colleague with a time lapse app on his iPhone (I have got to get one of those eventually). I know it is too fast to see, but I'm in the foreground in the left side (in and out of frame). My job? Placing beets in a criss-cross pattern on each plate.

We did not win the context (boo hiss, the fix was in) despite completing our prep and cooking first for EVERY course, giving up part of our dessert for a table that broke one of their dishes, and remaining friendly and working well as a team throughout the night. BUT we did eat a fine meal, make new friends, drink nice wine, and have a pretty good time.

Who knew a bunch of executives, scientists and engineers could do this?

The New Era of Business Meetings

2011-06-18T12:00:00.001-04:00

I have been in Amsterdam this week for international management meetings and it has been a wonderful experience. I have met so many colleagues from the UK, France, the Netherlands, Chile, Brazil, Poland, Belgium...and on and on.... I must say that 99% of them are simply wonderful, inspiring, warm, intelligent, thought-provoking, and interesting people. Of course it cannot be perfect. There are always those that are not in perfect alignment with you...but that is to be expected.

This year's meeting (my first) was, according to all participants, significantly different from others. It was modeled on the famous TED conference which presents a series of keynote level speakers in 18 minute profile formats to inspire thought and ideas in the meeting participants. Again...it was not 100% successful, but it was well into the 90% range.

What did I learn today?

Our industry is becoming commodotized and we must find ways to battle that condition.
Our core business - water consulting - continues to inspire me with the incredible things we accomplish for our clients and our communities.
Our logo is not just our logo...it is a constant reminder that we must thoughtfully evolve or else we may regret the demise of what is instead of celebrating what we can be.
"Digging deeper" is something we should always do when asked by a client or colleague to support them...have we gone the extra steps to ensure success for all?
We must imagine the unimaginable - like arctic deserts from renowned artist Ap Verheggen.
You must balance sacrifice with reward and make decisions for our business and ourselves with that in mind.
We don't need to create a global business in a vacuum...our clients will take us there and will shape it if we allow them to. We just have to be ready to move!
How to balance (and how fragile balance can be) and how to apply concentration to a goal from renowned artist Madir Eugster.
We must "pay the meter" as we grow our global business by giving back to society in sustainable ways.
Open my eyes to how fast the world of technology is moving by Alexander Klopping - a 24 year old internet prodigy with unbelievable ideas and a grasp of the future possibilities of our world. You can find him on YouTube...but only in Dutch. I assure you, in person, he translates well into English!
The world can become smaller and the opportunities bigger if we use our own company programs to foster exchanges of staff between our offices and teams.
When something is developed for one purpose, you must review it with an open mind...it may actually have an entirely different and better purpose - from musician Fay Lovsky who played the theremin.... really, go look that one up on Google.
Organizations can take shape from our own viewpoint...and we need not heavily engineer it...if we will only let it evolve naturally.
Entering new markets can be fraught with peril....or rich with reward...enter smartly.
Teams are the key to quality, innovation, and efficiency - use them.

Can you ask much more of a the first day of a one day meeting? You can...stay tuned for more.

Artistic Balance

2011-06-17T18:18:00.000-04:00

This is the name of my husband's business and blog...but it is also a description of one of the highlights of my business meetings in Amsterdam.

One of our corporate values is balance. Balance of human and ecology, balance of work and life, balance of land and water, balance of business and sustainable green behaviors.... So to emphasize this value, our company brought in renowned artist Madir Eugster to demonstrate balance in a unique way.

While the video below shows him in a theater with plenty of space, just imagine him perfoming this exact same routine for us in a cramped ballroom in the Amsterdam Marriott. Note: the video is 8 minutes long, but beautiful and well worth the time.

Enjoy. And I hope it makes you think about balance in your own life.

Exhilarating Exhaustion

2011-06-10T18:00:00.000-04:00

When is the last time you can say you attended a 2 day meeting and came away with no voice and sore cheeks from laughing so hard, a feeling of euphoria and relief, and a real desire to get out there and KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS??? For me, it was approximately 1 hour and 35 minutes ago.

Wow....what a team. We've actually managed to keep the cream of the crop (except Amybow....who I'd take back in a heartbeat, but she's a stubborn wench). In fact, we're now actively hiring up to three positions...so if you are a marketing/communications/PR professional in commuting distance to Highlands Ranch CO or White Plains NY and want to come and KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS with us.... I can come to you in the interview with a straight face and say, we have the soon to be realized potential to be one hell of an awesome team. Yeah we do.

We packed about a week's worth of stuff into 2 days of team building meetings. And let me just say...the facilitator and the "graphics reporter" totally earned their fees. They were a stabilizing and creative force within the room, but even more so, they were a collaborative partner before and after the event. They built an agenda with us, not for us - really listening to our concerns, our needs, our desire for both the warm and fuzzy stuff as well as some concrete business outcomes, and they provided the ever so elusive element of perspective.

And they also brought this cool thing into our world......

...graphic recording. Read more about that here. Really go there...watch their video...go ahead...I'll wait.

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For a creative team like ours, it was a fabulous way to watch the words coming from our mouths be instanty recorded as visual cues. We have several large boards of this as outputs from the meeting...(which they will also provide digitally) which will help us remember our takeaways and commitments. Love it...really innovative and old school at the same time.

BONUS! I feel like I not only got a great resource out of this, but a budding friendship. Our facilitator was so great that I've invited her to join me in a new women's network I've been asked to attend in Manhattan. It will be fertile ground for her consulting business, and I'll be able to walk into the room with a colleague I respect and enjoy but who is not another employee of my company.

My exhilaration is dropping fast, and the exhaustion is setting in...so I'm quitting for tonight....will likely put in a few hours this weekend before flying here...

A M S T E R D A M

... on Sunday for my next work adventure.

Stay tuned for fun stories and pictures from that trip!

Time to Build the Team

2011-06-09T00:34:00.000-04:00

It's finally time. After nearly two years of working in parallel, but not in tandem, our team of 19 professionals is coming together for a 2-day teambuilding meeting. It starts at 8:30AM Thursday and it is looking promising. I met with our meeting facilitator tonight to prep.

As an aside...this is pretty good gig if you can keep your overhead low...meeting facilitation I mean. We are paying a nice sum of money AND they are charging us direct expenses right down to an itemized shopping list from Staples for flip charts, markers, masking tape, and colored stickers.

I was encouraged to learn every member of our team submitted the on-line survey and completed their advance team assignments of creating a custom presentation on services and challenges. Everyone seems engaged and ready to go...and I think we've got a strong and positive team. One of my fellow managers said, "I looked at the presentations and I felt like a proud mama they were so good!" A good way to begin, I'd say.

We are down five people from where we started, and while we sure could use the manpower, we don't miss the negativity, performance issues, or just simple mis-fit of skills to organizational needs that each represented.

So here we go....the roller coaster ride begins.

One is Silver, the other Gold

2011-06-06T17:00:00.009-04:00

I've had the line of a song haunting my thoughts lately...it's from a song I learned as a Campfire Girl. Here are a couple of the verses....

Make new friends,

but keep the old.

One is silver,

the other is gold.

....You help me,

and I'll help you

and together

we will see it through.

Why is it haunting me right now? It's the MERGER.

Did you ever have a moment when you were growing up and you joined a new club that your old friends weren't in...or maybe a fraternity or sorority? Or you changed schools or graduated and promised that you wouldn't change and you would stay in touch with those friends who had been with you for the past years? How often did that work out as planned?

I've been working at the same company for 21 years...since I was 23 years old....and I'm not alone. Many of us have been a part of this community for 20, 30, or even 40+ years. There was something special about this company, something that even with 1500 employees, still felt like a small family business. And it was successful, whether you measure that by bottom line, client satisfaction, or employee loyalty...it had all three. But market pressures were being felt and we saw the writing on the wall. We had tried to grow organically. And we had tried to grow through small acquisitions, but in the end, it looked as though we would need to do something radical - getting bigger or smaller - to find our niche. I still remember the day I knew things were going to change. That was the day one board member said to me, "Look, we can stay exactly as we are now. That would be perfectly all right. Just tell the last person out the door to turn out the lights."

So along came our MERGER. And then two years (coming this July) of pure HELL of integration. Most of us survived, but our culture has not....our culture has taken a beating. After all this time, and after all the griping and moaning we have all done about THEM vs. US, in the end, it's all about accepting that there is a new company and WE are now THEM and THEM is now US.

So now it's all about who will accept and thrive in the new MERGER company and who will fight against it or fade away. And for those who accept and thrive....will their friendships of old stand the test of time and the trials of change? Will they be seen as traitors to our old world? Or will they be the heros of the new one?

About halfway through our integration timeframe, I began to realize the truth was, no matter what, the old place was gone. Whether I stayed or moved on, I would be working in a new place, with new rules, new roles, and new people. I guess, despite times when getting out seemed the prudent thing to do, I was reluctant to jump from the frying pan into the fire, and I stuck it out to see what this new MERGER place was really all about.

By luck or hard work, I am one of the survivors. I have been named as a member of the management team and have found myself engaged in meetings with our U.S. CEO and COO and shaping our group strategy. I'm working with my colleagues this coming week on our teambuilding session, bringing our group made up of almost a perfect 50-50 split makeup of old and new staff coming together as one team. I've been invited to meetings in Amsterdam this month as part of a select group of managers from our international operating companies. It's heady stuff....and I'm trying to keep my feet on the ground and a healthy dose of skepticism with neither negativity nor ego clouding it.

At the same time as I am engaging with these new teams, I realize I'm losing touch with some of my old colleagues - they are moved into other divisions, or perhaps been sidelined with other managers taking the leadership roles. They are no longer on my meeting schedule, on my call sheet, at my lunch table. I've found myself defending the new normal. I've been extracting myself from the coffee room bitch sessions. I don't want to be disloyal to my friends, but I also recognize at a certain point you've got to recognize the new Sherriff in town...or get out of Dodge already.

So, as the song reminds me...I'm at that point. Making new friends and struggling to keep the old.

A Little Southern Family Angst

2011-06-05T22:15:00.000-04:00

What do you like to read for escape? Murder and mayhem? International intrigue? Romance and travel? All good choices. My long-time favorite is family drama - and especially southern family drama of the Pat Conroy model. I'm sure some literary purist will tell me William Faulkner did it first and best, but y'all, there ain't nothing like that lo'country boy Pat Conroy.

Prince of Tides, Beach Music, The Water is Wide, the Great Santini, and the Lords of Discipline...journeys through the psyche of twisted priorities, racial divides, and love/hate relationships all within the backdrop of the beautiful south carolina shores. Conroy's special talent is to create maternal characters so flawed and over the top cruel, and yet so broken, sad, and so loved by the children they target with their poison darts. The novels are about survival, both physical and psychological, in the aftermath of devastating emotional warfare. But what I love beyond even the gripping character development, is the beauty of the language he uses - as rich and varied as the flora and fauna of the Carolina coast.

Quite simply, I find his books to be chapter after chapter of pure poetry.

So right now, I'm reading South of Broad, Conroy's latest novel. And I'm glorying in passages relaying the beauty and particular pace of Charleston, South Carolina...

"I carry the delicate porcelain beauty of Charleston like the hinged shell of some soft-tissued mollusk. My soul is peninsula-shaped and sun-hardened and river-swollen. The high tides of the city flood my consciousness each day, subject to the whims and harmonies of full moons rising out of the Atlantic...."

...or the author's favorite twisted fatalistic tone....

"But fate comes at you cat-footed, unavoidable, and bloodthirsty. The moment you are born your death is foretold by your newly minted cells as your mother holds you up, then hands you to your father, who gently tickles the stomach where the cancer will one day form, studies the eyes where melanoma's dark signature is already written along the optic nerve, touches the back where the liver will one day house the cirrhosis, feels the bloodstream that will sweeten itself into diabetes, admires the shape of the head where the brain will fall to the ax-handle of stroke, or listens to your heart, which, exhausted by the fearful ways and humiliations and indecencies of life, will explode in your chest like a light going out in the world. Death lives in each one of us and begins its countdown on our birthdays and makes its rough entrance at the last hour and the perfect time."

...or his particular love of strong, beautiful, and broken females...

"It opened and I got my first rapturous glance at Sheba Poe, who became the most beautiful woman in Charleston the moment she crossed the county line. Everyone I met, male or female, remembers the exact place where they first caught sight of this spellbinding, improbable blond beauty. It was not that we lacked experience in the presence of beautiful women; Charleston was famous for the comeliness of its well-bred and papered women. But as Sheba stood tall in her doorway, her presence suggested a carnality that took me to the borderline of cardinal sin just because of what I thought as I gaped at her. To me, it felt like no appreciation of mere loveliness, but some corruption of covetousness or gluttony. Her green eyes drank me in, and I noted flecks of gold."

My oh my....I feel the need for a southern belle's embroidered fan to cool myself just reading these pages full of passionate prose. If only I could write like that.....until then, I'll just read, and re-read, underlining favorite passages, and gasping with admiration at the play of vocabulary that not only tells a tale, but paints a picture rich and radiant and three-dimensional.

Green Grass Observations

2011-06-02T19:14:00.000-04:00

New York has burst right through a rainy Spring and taken on Summertime with a vengeance in the past week. The last few days I've been really re-connecting with my little Nissan I despaired of over the long, cold, and very snowy winter, and am loving my sunroof, my cranking sound system, and my comfy leather seats. But what I truly love about the last few days is the constant smell of freshly mowed grass.

Since I am of the lucky group NOT to have allergies at this time of year, I feel I can take a deep sniff and just savor all the many memories that come to mind with that fresh and unique scent.

I flash back to all the times I mowed the grass as a teenager in my bathing suit and cut-offs, practically running up and down the yard, until the last row was done and I could peel off layers and dive with joy and abandon into that sweet pool of blue water. I can feel the change from sweat dripping between my shoulder blades, to the crisp cool rush of clean water. I can smell the grass in the background, combining with the tang of my sweat, and the chemical smell of chlorine.

I can see my day stretched out before me, my major work done in less than an hour, and my only obligation to continue my swim and eventually clean and store the mower away. I can hear the neighborhood kids playing outside and eventually showing up in our yard for their own swim and some games of badminton or Frisbee.

I hear the familiar chime of the ice cream truck and the dig for change to get a nutty buddy cone or a bomb pop. And I think about the hours and hours spent in our garage-(aka summer screen room) with a group of friends playing a summer-length game of monopoly with popcorn, soda, and tunes filling the room.

The olfactory senses are definitely more powerful to me than any others. Sound, sights, or even touch, pale in comparison to what a strong and wonderful scent can unlock in my memories. Tonight I can't wait to drive home again, turning off the canned air conditioning, opening the sunroof and windows and take deep deep inhaling breaths of the sweet mowed grass.

Rejuvenation...in several ways

2011-05-31T14:58:00.000-04:00

My blog has been suffering from lack of attention and inspiration which I directly attribute to my general life at the moment. I'm been just too busy to inject the necessary enthusiasm into my creativity and writing. But today, I used the fact that I'm a blogger in a sample bio (hugely inflating my readership and hit rate) to demonstrate to some others in my company how I want them write personal bios for a future assignment. The result? A request for my blog address.

My gut reaction was, "Ack! No!...Do not mix business and this little blog o' mine"...but I thought about my honest entries in this blog, designed for amusement, shared frustrations, a little common housekeeping, and thought, why the hell not? I extracted a promise that it not be forwarded, and sent off my little URL. Then I read some of my recent entries and really thought, there is no need to fear about reaction to THIS blog, it's so boring she'll be asleep in about 2 minutes.

My older entries were a little more thought provoking, or entertaining, I think. I spent a little more time thinking about them - maybe even obsessing a little? - and then at some point I just started whipping off quick entries, or even just ignoring the blog for weeks at a time.

I've been going at breakneck speed for a while, in a pretty singular mode - WORK WORK WORK - and it's really gotten boring. My pleasure reading has slowed, my ability to keep up with current events is non-existent, and unless you want to talk about corporate strategy meetings, global water newsletters, international meeting planning, or group team building, I got nothing.

This 3-day weekend, I unplugged from work and it was a nice break. I feel some rejuvenation of spirit. Especially due to the beautiful weather we have been experiencing, and the lovely long hours of daylight. Even driving to work in post-holiday weekend traffic was ok this morning...I had the sunroof open, the radio turned up, and I actually left in plenty of time to sit in traffic without missing my first call of the day.

So, I'm going to try and plug some of that positive energy into creativity here on the blog and at home...and try (yet again) to measure out my work a little. Work will continue to be a dominating presence, but a little balance will go a long way. Coming first: Self rejuvenation (in process). Coming next: blog rejuvenation (stay tuned).

The Shiksa is Back in the Temple

2011-05-01T02:51:00.001-04:00

It's been more than two years since my last appearance. But I'm back. And as confused and befuddled as the service sometimes made me, I was equally moved by the tradition, the community and the moment of individual and family pride.

So here we are back in our hotel room recovering from the celebration and reflecting on how fast time goes. As the song says, "Is this the little girl I carried, is this the little child at play? I don't remember growing older...when did they?"

Hubby and I flank the girl of the hour ...and hubby's brother and his baby girl.

The Bat Mitzvah Girl ....and her big sister.

All I can say is Wow. They grow up so fast.

"Yes Wenderina, You are a Grown Up Now and That's What Grown Up Furniture Costs"

2011-04-14T18:50:00.000-04:00

At the whopping age of 44, I have purchased my very first grown-up piece of furniture (according to my BFF Terry). Her direct quote makes the title of this post.

Simple and sleek, this couch (plus a few inches and a few throw pillows) will be coming to live with me in about 10-12 weeks. And where did I find this precious piece of artwork that I can sit on? Yes, you guessed it, at that very grown-up store with the very grown-up prices - Ethan Allen.

I heart Ethan Allen.

I always have hearted Ethan Allen.

I have never walked into an Ethan Allen before as I just knew I could never walk out with anything except a very green with envy complexion for those who can afford to shop there.

I had to do some deep breathing, and I do have to recognize this couch cost more than my entire living room set of two couches a side chair and an ottoman did the last time I shopped. But those pieces have almost all invariably and literally fallen to pieces with shredded fabric and stuffing. I was assured by the very classy lady in pearls who helped me pick out fabrics, I will never experience that end with this couch.

To complicate matters, I - of course - fell in love with a very expensive fabric....(on left)

...that I smartly used for 2 of the 4 throw pillows instead of the entire couch. The fabric on right (which didn't come out right in photo) is a herring bone heavy wear fabric that is NOT white (Really! it is like a taupe and tan herring bone) and will be the body of the couch and the other two pillows.

All in all - I came in just at/slightly over with tax budget. And I think I love it. So now the only problem is I feel the need to change out my window treatments, the ottoman, the coffee table, and maybe even the rug. But I think I'll try some of the less grown-up stores for those....maybe.

Life Well Lived, Woman Well Loved

2011-04-10T19:28:00.000-04:00

Her live began more than 80 years ago.

She was the darling of the family being the only girl of her generation.

As time went by, she developed the smile and impish personality that was her hallmark.

She could hold the spotlight.

And she could be a modern working woman.

She captured a handsome young man while working at the USO.

And married him with her favorite "big brother" (aka cousin, aka my dad) at her side.

She laughed her way through life.

And found joy in song.

She raised three beautiful children.

And celebrated their lives through adulthood.

She danced at all their weddings.

She welcomed six grandchildren into the world and loved them beyond measure.

She was active and athletic and passed this on to her family.

Until Parkinson's stole her muscular control. But not her spirit.

When she couldn't speak, she always gave a "thumbs up" that she was doing ok.

In the end, she was hardly recognizable from that spirited, laughing, singing person we all knew, but she kept her sense of humor, her sense of self, and her belief in family to the very end.

Farewell my lovely and loving Aunt Betty.

Thank you for your life and your example.

You will never be forgotten.

I tend toward the Melancholy

2011-03-30T23:15:00.001-04:00

In my life the most vivid memories I have are of the deeply sad moments of my life. I think this could be reassuring to my mom, since my memories are pretty sparse from my childhood - but maybe that's because I was a full-time content kid. But give me something to be sad about, and it's burned in.

Today is the 8th anniversary of my father's death. His last 24 hours feel like they were yesterday in my memory. While the sadness has faded to a dull ache now and again, those hours in the hospital will never fade.

One year ago this month we said goodbye to my cousin Brian. A life cut short when cancer ravaged his body two years after receiving a kidney transplant.

And this weekend we must send off a favorite aunt who has lived a full life, but who lost her husband too young and then had to struggle to battle Parkinson's for the last 15 years.

Tomorrow night? They are predicting up to 7 inches of snow in our area. Seriously? Is this an April Fool's joke?

Add to this the extreme work pressures right now - with my manager out on medical leave, the MERGER manager out on medical leave, two staff people coping with ailing spouses, and a recent resignation that shorted us some much needed help, and we're really struggling to hold on to the wheel.

I know I tend to the melancholy, to the glass half empty, but I'm trying not to be melodramatic. I'm trying to STAY POSITIVE as is my continuing mantra for the year. But wow. This month is about ready to be torn out of my calendars for all the years that come.

I guess the positive in this moment is "That which does not kill you makes you stronger".

For the Teachers in My Life

2011-03-19T22:54:00.000-04:00

The other day I received a gift. It was not valuable, it was not glitzy, it was not expected. But it was wanted. It was needed. It was treasured.

I received a letter from my grammar school music teacher. Here it is 30 years since I sat in her classroom and a card comes in the mail. I think the most special thing about this letter and the woman who sent it is I was not a musical genius. I was not head of the class. I was not even the opposite - an attention grabbing clown or bad kid. I was just your average little kid. Sitting in the middle of the room. Barely able to carry a tune. Quiet. Shy. Unnoticed.

But not with Miss Dee. Because she noticed everyone. Every. Last. One.

And because of that, we loved her. We ADORED her.

Back in those days, teachers demanded and received a lot more respect from the kids in their class. If kids were acting up, I remember, they used to switch the lights on and off once or twice and we all shut up and took our seats. Miss Dee had her own unique tool. She would play two chords in rapid succession. Just two. And I can still hear that resonating sound and the little butts hitting the seats immediately afterwards.

She would make each one of us sing our scales. She would walk the room and have us stand on a chair and she would press on our diaphragm to get real sound to come out of our shy little mouths. She taught us songs ranging from "This Land is My Land" to "Bless the Beasts and the Children" to "Don't Sleep in the Subway Darlin" and on and on. Each year she would rehearse us and rehearse us and take what little talent we had on stage for the annual concert. The 6th graders got special treats...getting small group numbers and dance moves...and somehow she made even the most reluctant of us tremble with joy and anticipation at the thought of getting up on that stage.

It's still a great regret of mine that I came down with some illness the day before our 6th grade concert, spiking a fever, and missed my one chance to dance with a hat and cane.

When I got the letter and opened it, inside I found extra treats. Two more letters she had written in previous months or even years all going to a former address. When they were returned to her, she kept them, and kept searching and waiting until she could find the right place for these letters to go. And finally she did. And out spilled her words and her spiky cursive handwriting I remember from all of my report cards. And I could smell the old school. And I could hear her two chords. And I started humming "Bless the beasts" in the shower the next day. And I thought, what a gift. What an incredible gift - to touch children as she did and have it linger for 30+ years.

I come from a family of teachers. My mother is a teacher. Both my sisters are teachers. Mother-in law, cousins, friends. It is a profession I wish I had the aptitude for...but it takes a very special individual to do that job and do it well.

So for all the teachers in my life. Ms Goodwin, who read to our class the book "Where the Red Fern Grows" and reinforced that books can move your soul. Ms. Erskine, who scared the crap out of me and taught me chewing gum was vulgar (although I still do it, just not in polite society situations). Mr. Lown who convinced me that quiet and shy was ok, and then awarded me the citizenship medal - one of the biggest surprises of my life. Mr. Emerson who taught me that science could actually be cool and I was smart enough to grasp chemistry. Mr. Nightengale who made me yearbook editor and taught me skills I use every day in my current career...mostly about deadlines and laughter going together. Mr. Baskin who taught me not only how to read more critically, but how to write like a grown-up, and keep my eyes open like a child. And so many other teachers, whose names may have faded from my memory, but whose lessons never will.

Ms. Dee - for everything. Thank you. And this is for you.

Wenderina Life Lesson

2011-03-17T00:14:00.000-04:00

If you are going to have to walk a mile from your office to an appointment, it is a wise thing to be sure that when you dress in the morning, you inspect the elasticity of the waistband of your underpants. Otherwise, you will be like me and arrive with the uncomfortable knowledge that your underwear is truly UNDER... under the cheeks of your buttocks, instead of covering them modestly as intended.

Sigh. My search for grace continues.

This is NOT the day

2011-03-11T16:52:00.000-05:00

So after my note about how busy I am, I get one of THOSE emails....you know the hearts and flowers, stop and smell the roses, yada yada yada....here it is:

------

From: XXX

Sent: Friday, March 11, 2011 12:49 PM

To: Everyone and their brother?
Subject: Fw: Today is the day

READ THIS VERY SLOWLY... IT'S PRETTY PROFOUND.

Too many people put off something that brings them joy just because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their schedule, didn't know it was coming or are too rigid to depart from their routine.

I got to thinking one day about all those people on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner that fateful night in an effort to cut back.. From then on, I've tried to be a little more flexible..

How many women out there will eat at home because their husband didn't suggest going out to dinner until after something had been thawed? Does the word 'refrigeration' mean nothing to you?

How often have your kids dropped in to talk and sat in silence while you watched 'Jeopardy' on television?

I cannot count the times I called my sister and said, 'How about going to lunch in a half hour?' She would gas up and stammer, 'I can't.. I have clothes on the line. My hair is dirty. I wish I had known yesterday, I had a late breakfast, It looks like rain, and my personal favorite: 'It's Monday.' She died a few years ago. We never did have lunch together.

Because People cram so much into their lives, we tend to schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect!

We'll go back and visit the grandparents when we get Tommy toilet-trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living-room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two more kids out of college.

Life has a way of accelerating as we get older. The days get shorter, and the list of promises to us gets longer. One morning, we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives is a litany of 'I'm going to,' 'I plan on,' and 'Someday, when things are settled down a bit.'

When anyone calls my 'seize the moment' friend, she is open to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious. You talk with her for five minutes, and you're ready to trade your bad feet for a pair of Rollerblades and skip an elevator for a bungee cord.

My lips have not touched ice cream in 10 years. I love ice cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to my stomach with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process. The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-Decker. If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have died happy.

Now...go on and have a nice day. Do something you WANT to...not something on your SHOULD DO list. If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting?

Make sure you read this to the end; you will understand why I sent this to you.

Have you ever watched kids playing on a merry go round or listened to the rain lapping on the ground? Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight or gazed at the sun into the fading night? Do you run through each day on the fly? When you ask 'How are you?' Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done, do you lie in your bed with the next hundred chores running through your head? Ever told your child, 'We'll do it tomorrow.' And in your haste, not see her sorrow? Ever lost touch? Let a good friendship die? Just call to say 'Hi'?

When you worry and hurry through your day, it is like an unopened gift....Thrown away.... Life is not a race. Take it slower. Hear the music before the song is over.

Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND including me if you consider me a friend. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends.

To those I have sent this to... I cherish our friendship and appreciate all you do.

'Life may not be the party we hoped for... But while we are here we might as well dance!'

May God be with you and keep you safe.

-----
How do you feel when we get these? Do you get reflective and think about how you can live a better life than the one you are leading? Do you get sad and think about everything you have missed in life already? Or are you like me and you get royally pissed off.

Here was my reply:
-----
From: Wenderina
To: XXX
Subject: This is NOT the day

You are so full of Shit. Do you follow any of your own email advice? Stop laying on the guilt trip. I’m a workaholic and I get paid quite well for it and at the end of my life I’m gonna look back and go….WHATEVER…made my choices and now I’m doomed to sitting here in a diaper like everyone who made different choices.

So take my email, add a few pretty pictures of sunsets and lakes and snowmen and send THAT out to everyone you know and see what comes back at you.

;-)

-----
Luckily I made her laugh.

So Freakin' Busy

2011-03-09T20:57:00.000-05:00

The blog just ain't what it used to be. I am so barely hanging on at work right now with a crushing workload and my boss/senior colleague going out for A MONTH! That I can't imagine finding the time and energy to be creative here. I could, of course, turn this into a bitch and complain site, but I'm trying to be positive this year...remember?

Lots of stuff to talk about that's also problematic due to confidentiality stuff at MERGER....

I'll pop up here and there...but just so's you know...I'm not dead or anything. Unless this pile of paperwork tips over and buries me alive.

No One Will Die.

2011-03-01T10:20:00.000-05:00

Now here's a lesson in perspective for you.

Grappling with a typical MERGER detail on our new brand identity (or should I say our three new brand identities) I consulted with one of my new colleagues in Europe. I proposed a plan of attack and then asked, "What do you think - is it heresy? or a good market penetration plan?"

His response, "No one will die."

Man, I love that guy.

I've Become THAT Person

2011-02-28T14:47:00.002-05:00

You know the one who comes late to every meeting and expects other people to go back and catch them up? The one who is missing from scheduled conference calls? The one who doesn't read to the end of the email and therefore misses critical information - or worse - an assignment and deadline given to them to complete.

It's me.

I'm also that person that puts work in her bag and promises "to review it tonight, in the morning, before our meeting", etc. and doesn't. I'm the person who generates noise, but not necessarily product. I'm the person who is simply too busy and yet not accomplishing anything in her busy-ness.

It's me.

While lunching with a friend last week and bemoaning my existence in the MERGER company, we talked about value and self-perceived value. I trust this woman's judgment totally, but I still stared at her in disbelief when she indicated how valuable I am to the company and to my colleagues. Further discussion yielded a bit of an AHA moment.

You see, I am that person because I am betwixt and between, so to speak.

I still have the expectations of myself as a Do-er. Someone responsible for tasks and deliverables of all types - from newsletters, to brochures, to web content, to press releases, to tracking spreadsheets, to metrics and meeting notes, and many many more. I'm also an Advisor, called to numerous meetings on a daily basis, asked to weigh in on lots of activities on other desks, and supervisor of a staff of professionals. Back to the Do-er side, I am still the go-to person for many higher ranking executives...who don't really care if I do the work, or just make sure it gets done...but they don't truly understand what resources I have available to me. Then again, neither do I in the new MERGER world.

So, this has caused a dent in my "Be Positive" year and mental outlook. I'm feeling a little crushed between the two roles, and unsure if this is a temporary situation that final integration activities will fix, or if this is the new normal.

I don't like being THAT person. The one everyone rolls their eyes at and thinks - "What is she really contributing these days?" Would I be missed if I were gone? How soon will the black hole I might leave behind, become a pinprick or a distant memory?

My friend assures me people pay hundreds of dollars an hour to consultants who do what I do...advising, but not delivering a tangible product. The product is their words, their smarts, their insights. But I keep flashing back to an old television ad (for god knows what) where a client sits behind a desk with two consultants across from him. They have obviously just finished presenting their ideas to the client. The client, thrilled with the ideas, pounds his fist on the desk and says, "I love it, let's DO it!". At which point the consultants look at one another and then sheepishly back at the client and say, "But we're consultants....we don't actually DO anything."

Sigh.

Pillow Talk

2011-02-18T17:09:00.000-05:00

Scene: Interior - Master Bedroom. Television on. Verizon Fios Advertisement featuring new App allowing you to connect content on your iPhone with the TV.

W: Amazing. I really can't believe the amount of imagination and creativity there is in the world that these applications keep coming.

C: Whatever. I'm still waiting for my jet pack.

W: Your jet pack? Is that what you imagined having when you grew up?

C: Yes! I mean they had it on I Dream of Jeannie all those years ago, why wouldn't I assume I'd have my own by now??

W: Ohhhhkaaayyyy. Personally, I'm waiting for the Star Trek Transporter.

C: Oh, you don't want to spread your atoms all over the universe like that.

W: Well, I didn't say I wanted to be the FIRST person to use it, I want it once it is proven technology.

C: Yeah, Transporter 1.0 is not the version you want.

W: See, now if I was on Twitter, this is totally the conversation I would Tweet. G'night Babe.

C: Night.

Tale of Two Hotel Rooms

2011-02-07T20:33:00.000-05:00

I loved my recent travel experience to London. But I have to say, American hotels have totally spoiled me. Right now, I'm in Denver attending a week-long conference and combining that with some company meetings as well as a visit with my sister. And the minute I stepped into the hotel room it was just...ahhhhhhh.

Denver

2 comfy beds, plenty of space, and that wonderful invention a mattress AND box spring.

London

Small "cozy" room, uncomfortable mattress in a box

Denver

Spatious desk area, including extra table that can tuck neatly away,

or pull out for extended desk space or dining space.

London

Tiny table, but at least it had 110 voltage plug!

Denver

Lovely sink with plenty of space for toiletries. Soap BY sink.

Lovely sink with plenty of space for toiletries. Soap mounted to wall A FOOT AWAY from sink.

Denver. Modern shower, with curtain.

Modern shower (was actually very nice...except), half glass wall that in no way kept water in the bathing space. I tried, 6 different ways, and flooded the room EVERY time.

Denver

Perhaps my favorite difference was the complimentary hair dryer. Located, right in the bathroom where one might expect it.

London

When I was searching for something else, like paper and pen, I found the complimentary hair dryer for the hotel room in london in that tiny table/desk in the main room...not the bathroom.

Denver

And it acually plugs in by a mirror or two.

London

They obviously have issues with people leaving with the hair dryers.

They taught us! Bolted into the drawer...you'll need to take the desk to get this appliance out.

Isn't it interesting to think about the people who designed these rooms and what their process must have been.

Oh well....my room service meal has arrived so I'm off to eat heartily, finish some paperwork, and then early to bed. LONG week ahead in Denver.

Guess What This Is....

2011-02-06T17:47:00.001-05:00

No it is not an homage to Dolly Parton.

No it is not two dead bodies.

No it is not a modern plastic sculpture.

These humps under ice crusted snow are the only signs that we once knew a green and lovely spring and summer. These, my friends, are my patio lounge chairs.

And this? While it looks like nothing...that is in fact a large dimple and chip on my lovely little car. I was not upset to see this because I had to admit, if that chunk of ice that flew from under a car's tire right at my car had hit just a few inches lower, I would have been covered with shattered glass, and possibly suffering from an iceball induced concussion. I heard it hit, and checked my door panel when I arrived at my office, but it wasn't until later that night when the light was hitting the car just right that I noticed the ding was above my window not below it.

And this? Well, this is supposed to be a swing where I can look at the garden and enjoy a breeze. The snow is up to the seat...which is usually a space of about 1.5-2 ft. Will it ever melt? Will my swing fall down and go boom from the weight of the ice and snow before it does?

And this? This is my lovely new shower head that hubby finally got around to installing. (Thanks to our lovely niece J and her family). I look forward to taking a hot steamy shower tonight before my latest dose of Nyquil and a quiet burial under my covers.

Ta ta from winter wonderland....as in I WONDER if spring will ever come.

Early Spring?

2011-02-02T17:58:00.001-05:00

Yes, the weather outside was frightful today. At first I glanced out and thought, not so bad...then I realized everything, just everything, was crystal coated in ice. The driveway looked like a milky skating rink, the trees looked other worldly, and the car definitely looked like it was going to need some serious time to thaw out.

By afternoon I started to see and hear the drip-drip-drip of melting icicles and by sundown the trees looked of this world again and all the crystals were gone. The driveway still looks hazardous, but oh well...what's life without a little element of danger, right?

Speaking of which....

Did you hear the "prognosticator of prognosticators" today?

My theory is, this guy has a strong sense of self-preservation. Pronouncing 6 more weeks of THIS winter, would likely have yielded groundhog stew for supper.

Another Year Gone By

2011-02-01T16:09:00.000-05:00

So a few weeks ago, with little fanfare, in between business trips, I turned 44.

Quite literally, I stepped off a plane on January 13th, was home (on my birthday) for a few hours on the 14th, and at 6AM on the 15th was headed back to an airport for my next trip. It didn't really bother me much since I don't much like celebrating my birthday. I don't know why. Since I outgrew the age of slumber parties or the desire to drink until I fall down, there doesn't seem to be much point. Nowadays I recognize the date more for my mother than for myself.

I have to say the number 44 is astonishing to me. The time has flown by so quickly. I don't really remember moving from teenager to 20's to 30's and now nearly mid-way through my 40's. I measure my life more in decades than in years nowadays. Having been with my husband now since we were 19, it's mind-boggling to realize he has been with me longer than I was independent of him. We were married in 1989 when I was 22 and he was 23. So next year, at 45 I will have been under his last name longer than the one I was born with. That's crazy talk!

On January 23rd, I spoke with my mother and at the end of our conversation she reminded me that it was my father's birthday and that, were he still with us, he would be 85. We lost him over 7 years ago now, which is another eye-opening fact to me.

I remember the first time I ever heard the old adage about stopping to smell the roses. I finally feel I understand it. I agree it is important to pause and enjoy life a little, but man oh man, life has a way of taking on its own pace without consulting me.

So often, when I do stop for a moment, it is in the mode of total collapse, not a moment of reflection, observation, or appreciation. It takes effort to pause and instead of tuning out, tune in on a whole new level.

So, 44, here I am a couple weeks later taking my moment to reflect. Life ain't so bad. This guy of mine has stuck around and strangely enough, despite it all, we seem to actually still be in love. This job of mine is a pain in the butt sometimes, but it's given me a lot of reward and appreciation and some damn fine friends and colleagues. This blog thing has fits and starts, but it provides me with an outlet and a memory storehouse that I treasure. This little Yellow Cottage of ours needs some attention (as does my blog about it), but it is cozy and warm and full of love and friendship.

It's O.K., this 44 number....onward to 45.

January Ends...February Begins...

2011-01-31T18:50:00.001-05:00

After Hubby and I successfully hibernated with only our germs for company this weekend, it was back to the grind today. We both awoke (from our separate bedrooms...yes, still necessary to segregate the germs and the snoring we are BOTH doing right now) and agreed that while we were certainly stir crazy from all those days at home, getting up early to go to work was not a welcome relief.

Especially as I lay in bed listening to the highly repetitive weather report. Guess what? More bad news. I am starting to get that creepy isolation feeling. That winter-snow-crazy feeling.

And I'm seriously hating my new car.

Don't get me wrong. In the summer this car is awesome. Great sound system, super handling, sun/moon roof, etc. In the winter...I know I should have bought a 2nd Subaru. Or at the very least, not taken the lousy $1000 for the trade-in of our Ford Escape. I would have hated continuing to pay registration and insurance for it, but man I could use that high sitting 4 wheel drive right now.

Our driveway shrinkage has made it nearly impossible for me to find a safe spot to park and still allow our plow service to make any headway with the continuing snow mounds. After getting stuck half INSIDE and half OUTSIDE the garage after the last storm and having to do some serious Indy-500/Extreme shoveling maneuvering to get unstuck, I'm not loving the idea of more snow and ice.

This morning as I sat in my little low to the ground Nissan coupe, I was also seriously impaired by the mounds of snow at every intersection making pulling into traffic or making a turn a bit of a Russian roulette game.

It's boring. It's tiresome. It's dangerous. It's wearing us all down. No one wants to hear the complaints about bad backs and shoveling, stuck cars, accidents, dangerous falling icicles, etc.

And the latest forecast...the Ice Storm Cometh. Bleh.

Movie Channel Addict

2011-01-29T15:16:00.000-05:00

Hubby and I signed up for the movie channel package on cable years ago, once we realized we were paying a hell of a lot just to get the HBO package, and to get umpteen more movie channels it was only a few more dollars. And I have to say, 90% of our viewing happens on channels 301-399 - the movie channels. First - no commercials, and can we just say a little Hallelujah to that. Second - tremendous variety that you can lock into in 90-120 minute intervals.

However, the downside of this is we end up having seen most of the movies offered pretty quickly and the selection doesn't change up very often. At that point, we turn to On Demand, and start running through the list of top picks and new releases. Funny thing about that movie list, I've never heard of a huge portion of them. And a tip from me, when it says "Same day as theater" it means it is opening and closing on the same weekend because it is BAD. Don't get sucked in by a good preview.

In the last 6 months, we've happily paid extra to see the "The Girl Who..." Swedish movies with subtitles. After devouring the first two books, we were entranced by the movies action packed and dramatic intepretation. The books were excellent, if a little dragging in detail at some points, but the movies, while dropping some key character points, really put the pacing in correctly. Last night we watched the third and due to the author's untimely death, the final, in the series. The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest. Neither of us had read the book as yet, so the unfolding story line was a totaly surprise to us...and it was really wonderful.

Soon the U.S. versions of these movies will be in production and I wonder how similar or different they will be. Should we not make it to the theater for these, there is always our little On Demand and movie channel package to help us out.

And maybe someday we'll even get some of those modern things like a flat screen tv with surround sound.

Sick, Snow, Snoring, Shattered

2011-01-28T13:40:00.000-05:00

Sick. Hubby has been battling severe sinus infections for the entire month of January. He's so far gone through two full courses of antibiotics, each resulting in him feeling better, but not 100%, and then a quick boomerang back to a nasty raging illness. Today Dr. actually asked if he still had tonsils (he doesn't) considering the state of his throat and ears. Not good. He's on steroids now, AND antibiotics, with orders to improve, OR ELSE. The or else being from me AND from Dr. who will send him to ENT specialist next. I have come down with a much milder version...probably more sympathy pains than anything...and have been milking that for the last two days working a little then napping, then working, then juicing, then working...all from the comforts of home.

Snow. Working from home and Hubby's illness has had one small blessing - not having to deal with driving and digging out in the snow. Although this last storm didn't give us the quantity that hit nearby NYC (we had 8" while NYC got 16"+), it has piled on top of piles on top of piles such that our driveway has now shrunk to the size of a postage stamp with miniature mountains at every edge. Today, when trying to be smart and NOT dig out the 4-wheel drive (I know, sounds stupid to me now, but at the time, the little Nissan in the garage without a foot of heavy icy snow sounded easier) in order to drive to Dr. appointment, Hubby managed to get my car pretty thoroughly stuck in the mess on the driveway. Eventually giving up, he dug out the Subaru and drove through the snow without issue...leaving me to dig out the car. I'm not complaining about the fact I was left to manage it, just complaining about the G&DDAMN snow in general. After all, better for me to do than him, since he probably would have spiked a fever and collapsed on the spot from the effort. As we speak there is a fine flurry in the air that will "just coat the area"...like we need any more layers, and there are threats of additional snow Tues-Weds of next week. This has become such a constant here, that I can pick pretty much any show on my DVR recorded since Christmas, watch the weather forecast snippets on the commercial breaks, and feel it is describing the current day's weather. Enough already. Jeez.

Snoring. I never thought we'd be one of those couples...you know the ones that sleep in separate beds or separate rooms, but God Almighty the Hubby's snoring has reached new decibels of sleep-penetrating ear piercing noise. Mostly due to his continuing sinus issues, I'm sure. We have managed about 4 full nights in the same bed in the last month. This is not sustainable. I miss his warmth and the cuddle up before sleep and after the alarm in the morning. I confess it is easier to get up in the morning without the tempation of that cuddle, but that is the only benefit. Well, that, and a full night of sleep.

Shattered. To complete my little illiteration post, is the shattering I've got to hear twice today. For whatever reason, Kitty potato-head got rambunctious today and managed to shatter not one, but two ceramic keepsakes in our house. One was a ceramic lantern we purchased at a favorite restaurant on our honeymoon, the other a pink teddy bear planter I remember from my room as a child and use to this day as a holder for pens, pencils, scissors on my desk. Nothing of great fiscal value, but certainly nostalgic. Oh well. Just another way to simplify.

Do you think it's on purpose?

2011-01-26T13:24:00.000-05:00

In the continuing balance to be positive, I returned to MERGER land this week and found most of my colleagues in a funk. This integration is really taking all the spunk out of them...that and weekly snowstorms which don't help at all.

Today, after 18 months of integration activities, and the last 8 weeks of attempting to do things the MERGER company way, we received a tool...an "Ad Bible". We also learned there are libraries of pre-purchased stock images available as well. One of my staff turned to me as she handed me the Ad Bible and said, "Do you think it's on purpose...the fact that they haven't been sharing these things with us?"

I'm not sure how to answer that. Sometimes the competitive we/they is tangible, and sometimes it seems it is more oversight as we resort to the same tried and true methods we've used individually in the past. I wanted to take the high road, being positive, and say, "No way....", but the highest I could get was, "I simply don't know, so let's give them the benefit of the doubt".

What do you think? If you've been through a MERGER before...have you withheld, or been withheld from? Would you consider that a smart thing to do in a transition period? or is it smarter to be a team player? Our culture prior to the MERGER was as disfunctional as any others, things were done wrong, things were missed, we never claimed to be perfect. But one thing we have always been is collaborative.... transparent... and interested in the best solution - regardless of who put the idea forward.

I hope that will be one of the best practices that survives.

Work Hard, Then to Play

2011-01-23T19:21:00.001-05:00

After a whirlwind week of hard hard work in our UK offices, I have returned to the States, exhausted, but also invigorated. Have you ever noticed that meetings can go that way?...especially with really smart people at the table. Since January 1, and my one and only resolution to be positive, I've found that it has really made life a lot more enjoyable. I always thought complaining was a way to vent and to get frustration out of the gut and out into the open, but I'm starting to think that really can only be true in small doses. Excessive bitching just becomes toxic.

This past week, I also learned something else. When organizational strife (AKA MERGER) is getting me down...forget the integration process and get back to the people I work with and the actual work I do. When I can wipe out the politics and pressures in that merger environment and remember why I work in the clean water field, and get to know the people I work with, it is really energizing.

Of couse, working in another timezone means nearly 24x7 work hours. My days began with a 7:45AM meet in lobby for cab to office. We hit the ground running and by the time NY was up and running we were halfway through our local day. We continued until about 6PM where we then proceeded to work team dinner meetings, and then for those of us from U.S. we hit the computers again at night to catch up on U.S. work. UK team didn't have it any easier as I learned. Most of them have 2+ hour commutes since London is too expensive for any of them to live in. So we all averaged about 4-5 hours of sleep a night.

Being global....is an interesting thing. One of the reasons for our MERGER was to finally position ourselves as an international business. On Wednesday night I found myself at dinner for five - one from U.S., two from Netherlands, one from Brazil, one from UK. We talked politics (danger zone) and business, and life, and culture...and it was a great experience to really feel part of a global team.

Finally on Thursday, I realized I had already worked about 60 hours for the week and I quit at 5PM and hit the concierge up for theater tickets. My Brazilian colleague and I grabbed a quick bite in the hotel bar and the hightailed it to the theater and caught a comedy - A Flea in Her Ear.

I figure I caught about 85% of it, given British colloquialisms and accents, and I'm sure my colleague got a little less, but we enjoyed it immensely all the same.

And then Friday, I finally made good on my promise to not waste these international trips by only seeing office, hotel, and restaurants, I hit the city bus tour. I decided early on to listen to the very knowledgable (and live!) guides and enjoy the tour instead of trying to snap pictures on the move...but caught a few iconic shots.

Mind the gap! It's the Underground.

The London Eye from a distance.

I love that these come in two's.

Biggest ship in a bottle ever.

Whitehall gardens...considering home is covered in snow, thought this was a lovely patch of green.

Golden Jubilee bridge.

World War II Memorial with Churchill quote. Very moving.

Bagpipes by the London Eye.

Big Ben over the Westminster Station Underground stop.

I had a little time to waste between bus tour and river boat tour, so I grabbed a burger with a view of Big Ben and Parliament. This bird was very interested in my eating habits.

Proof I was there and it wasn't just google images!

By 3PM I was back at my hotel and catching a cab to the airport. Was a great relaxing way to spend my last day in town and just whet my appetite to go back and see more and learn more about this incredible city - not to mention the rest of England.

Right, Left, Center

2011-01-16T16:04:00.000-05:00

Thank goodness for housekeeping. They finally arrived at my do-not-disturb sign and asked for admittance to clean the room. I was sitting at the desk studying my map and getting up my courage, so I took it as a sign. I headed downstairs and asked the concierge for his thoughts on a nice early evening walk.

Covent Garden, was the answer.

A short walk out the door (turn right, go straight) and I was walking past a number of retail shops so familiar - Gap, Banana Republic, etc. that I felt no desire to step inside. I finally broke my 10 pound note at the "chemist's" where I bought a brush to replace the one I left behind at home.

It was doing the usual misty damp rain thing but not enough to chase me back indoors. I found my way to Covent Gardens where I found artists and shopkeepers finishing up for the day, but plenty of crowds and street performers still on hand. I didn't take out my own camera, but was pleased to find a google image that EXACTLY captured the scene I stumbled onto with string players taking advantage of wonderful acoustics, and generous tourist crowds to play some incredibly beautiful chamber music for the onlookers.

I took my time strolling, slowing my New York pace, to glance in windows and consider my dining options. I must confess I couldn't get myself geared up enough to sit and eat in a restaurant by myself, so I picked up a slice of pizza to eat as I strolled. Quite unexpectedly it was very satisfying. One slice and a couple mile walk is probably something I should do more at home.

I was tempted by some of the photo/painting exhibits (as always), but since we haven't framed our Italy pieces yet (hint hint hubby) I was hesitant. The fact that most were packing up for the day also encouraged me to come back later in the week (hopefully).

Deciding I had pushed my lack of direction to the limit, I turned round to find my way back by the few landmarks I had committed to memory. I walked slowly back toward Leicester Square and my hotel, but when I got there, the evening air was so mild, I decided to walk past and now go left toward Picadilly Circus.

A bit like a miniaturized Times Square area with lots of up lights on buildings and large format screens and advertisements in lights. I realized I was now down to my last 20 Pound note and some coins (which I have yet to figure out) so I decided to keep my eye open for an ATM. Typically brightly marked in the states, it seemed the desire to keep these things much less visible and I finally stumbled upon one built into the wall at a low level on the side of a bank building. Safely away with a few more pounds in my pocket, I turned back around and walked back toward the hotel. The scent of cinnamon assaulted my senses so I stopped and picked up a mini cinnabon for an evening treat.

By now I felt I had at least accomplished that necessary one foot out the door step of exploring a new city...just enough to whet my appetite for more later this week. I'm hopeful that Thursday/Friday will provide an opportunity for greater exploration and have found that there is a HOHO bus tour with a stop not too far away from the hotel. Perhaps I can manage to skip out of the office Thursday afternoon or Friday morning for a highlight tour like we did in Rome.

My little bouts of anxiety for these types of things make me really feel for those with true debilitating anxiety disorders like agoraphobia. My tendency to be a homebody and to hesitate before social events is so minor in comparison, and yet it could so easily tip the scale to a point where I miss out on little things like an evening walk through London.

For now, I'm safely back in my hotel room, do-not-disturb light back on, and doing a couple more work tasks, and aiming for a 10PM sleep time to be sure I'm on the local schedule tomorrow.

Suck It Up and Get Out

2011-01-16T11:42:00.000-05:00

One of my main anxieties rears its ugly head when traveling. Fear of the unknown. An unknown city is particularly frightening.

Today, I was able to hide under the actual need for work to be done, and also sleep required to be on my game for rest of the week. But here it is 4:37PM and I've eaten the last of my trail mix, had two drinks from the mini-bar, and all I've seen of London is this:

Time to suck it up and get out there.

Note to Self: Business Travel is NOT Glamorous

2011-01-15T20:54:00.001-05:00

4:50AM Alarm
5:00 AM Alarm.
5:15 AM Alarm.

Get up. Dress.
Lug heavy suitcase, laptop, purse down stairs at 5:58AM.
Coat, scarf, gloves.
Lug heavy suitcase, laptop, purse down more stairs and through basement and garage (since snow still blocks front and rear doors.

6:15AM tap fingers on table...where is the F-ing car service?
6:20 AM Call car service.
6:24 AM car not coming - overheating (why didn't they call??)
6:25 AM Rouse hubby (poor man, sick, tired) need ride to airport.
6:30 AM roll out of driveway in our car.

7:10 AM arrive at terminal.
Realize need to leave keys with hubby.
Where are my F-ing keys? (keyless entry/ignition means I never know where they are!)
Empty bags. Zip. Unzip. Dig. Dig. Dig.
KEYS!

Kiss, hug, run.

OMG. Lines. Lines forever. Worst lines ever.
Find uniformed person - where to go.
Up. Down. Shuffle. Line up.
Check in. Drop Bag.
Next line - Security.
They have built a line to get to the line. Not lying. Not exaggerating.
Check time.
Call travel buddy. He's still in check-in line.
See him coming up the escalator.
Holler out - "Hi Honey, Over here" and pretend he's my husband just come from bathroom.
(to save our lives from murderous passengers behind us who nearly lynched the lady with the stroller and baby who delayed the line)

Security.
Belt off.
Shoes off.
Laptop out.
Empty pockets.
Liquids out.
Coat off.
Scarf off.
Boarding pass, passport in hand.

Through Security.
Reverse above.
Shoes on.
Laptop in.
Fill pockets.
Liquids in.
Coat on.
Scarf on.

Gate. Board.

Call Mom. "Yes I'll be diligent. Yes I'll watch for terrorists. Yes I'll have a good time."
Email Hubby. I'm off.
Chat with friend.
Nice.

Wait on tarmac.
Finally up and out.
Food.
Horrible.
Get out laptop.
Hit start button.
Nothing.
Hit again.
Nothing.
Shit.
Battery dead.
No chance to get ahead on work.

Watch movie.
Drink water.
Bathroom.
Watch 2nd movie.
Drink water.
Bathroom.
Watch 3rd movie.
Drink water.
Bathroom.

Heathrow.
Bathroom.
Customs.
Luggage.
ATM - 100 Pounds.
Cab.
Cab ride - 70 Pounds!

Hotel. Party central! But I'm here for work.
Lift to 5.
Room 505.
Enter. Door shuts.
No lights.
None.
Hit every switch.
No lights.
Stumble to phone.
Hit 0.
"Put key in slot by door for lights."
"You mean the slot by door I can't see because it is pitch black in here?"
Lights!

Unpack.
Laptop.
Power Converter.
Converter doesn't take 3-prong.
Shit.
Don't panic.
Look! A 110 volt plug in wall. Sweet.

Laptop powered up.
On.
Connect to wireless.
Go to internet. Nothing.
Try again. Nothing.
Call hubby (personal IT desk).
He says, call Hotel.
Concierge arrives.
Try multiple times.
Nothing.
Call hubby.
Try multiple things.
Nothing.
Give up.

Call room service.
No desserts at night.
Shit.
Order sandwich.

TV remote.
Button.
Button.
Button.
Button.
Finally - on!
Menu button.
Nothing.
Scan channels.
Nothing.

Concierge arrives with food.
Show him TV remote.
Fiddle with Computer.
See Reset button.
What the hell.
Reset options.
GOOGLE!!!!

TV Remote still busted.
Work order for tomorrow.

Blog.
Eat cold chips.
Drink warm coke.

8:53 PM NY Time.
1:53 AM London Time.
Dig in to work.

Exciting London.
Glamorous travel.
Where's my Prilosec?

The Armrest Principle

2011-01-12T01:52:00.001-05:00

You know how people are always trying to categorize all humans into two neat little buckets? Like the "Haves" and "Have Nots" or the "Hunters" and "Gatherers" or the "Glass Half Full" or "Glass Half Empty" types?

Well tonight, I propose a new category principle. I think I could actually make a PhD thesis out of this one. I propose the Armrest Principle. In today's world of insecurity and yet, inexorable feeling of entitlement, I give you the "Armrest Takers" and "Armrest Givers". Not the most elegant of names for sure...and destined to total obscurity outside of the 3 readers of this blog, but I think I've hit upon something here.

Think about this.

When you get on a plane there are at least three seats across unless you happen to be on a tiny plane or are fortunate enough to afford business or first class seating. These three seats pose an immediate pscyhological and physical dilemma. And while whether or not to have unbruised knees is one of those that I have to face each time (being nearly 6 feet in length), the one I'm speaking of is the elbow rest issue. There is one armrest between each two people and unless you plan to have a gladiator type battle for the space, there is a more subtle struggle that ensues.

There are those who will blithely take the armrest for their own without any sense of guilt or even necessarily a concious decision, just an indisputable feeling of birthright to own the armrests adjacent to one's seat.

There are those who try to foster the illusion of personal space by withdrawing from the armrest without a fight and are actively praying that the Armrest Taker will not encroach further upon their seated area and (gasp) rub elbows with them.

And there are the very few who do not lay first claim to the armrest, but rather like a parasitic being will only take ownership of it once a seatmate has warmed the plastic armrest and then taken leave for a quick bio break.

What else might we be able to infer about those different personality types. Do Armrest Takers tend to be members of a loving family? Are they Type A's with a true drive to take all that they want? Are they sociopathic and lack the empathy to consider other societal needs for space and armrests?

Do Armrest Givers defer all of their wants and needs to others? Are they low-level worker bees without ambition and direction? Are they of the mind that the meek shall inherit the earth? Or are they sociopathic and lack the social skills to request equal time and space for their travel comfort.

And what about the Armrest "Stealer"? Is this an underhanded dirty-dealing slime bucket? Or is this more likely to be a shy introvert who hopes no one will notice the bold move to take 3 inches of territory without battle or flag?

You decide. It's 2AM NY Time despite what the local Denver clock says, and I'm going to take over the entire double bed in my room...and maybe at about 3AM, I'll take over the other one too.

Random Time Wasting - the Photo Essay

2011-01-04T20:36:00.000-05:00

Right now I should be leaving to drive home. Actually, if I were on an 8 hour clock I should have been gone about 3 hours ago...but why dither with details.

So instead, I was just looking through my memory card for some photos of a work event, and found a few gems that generated a little photo essay in my brain.

Enjoy.

When you must pay off a bet with your VP and you don't want him to enjoy the winnings.

Pay it in quarters....a lot of quarters.

When the day is getting nutty and the weather outside is frightful and you just want a walk on the beach.

Imagine the feel of warm sand and cool water on your painted toes.

When you wonder why you work so hard.

Think about how it pays for the things you love.

When you get cocky about living an eensy bit south of your hometown.

Remember what one good blizzard can do to your driveway and you are the only one with a shovel.

When you think about how much you love those fashion boots with the high heels.

Remember how much MORE you love warm toes and good footing on a snowy day.

When you think about picking out just the right shade of blush.

Remember how the whipping wind from a blizzard as you shovel out can give you a natural glow.

This is a challenge right?

2011-01-04T15:01:00.000-05:00

So after my successful positive day yesterday, this is how it went.

Stopped at colleague/friends desk to say good night and got an earful and an eyeful that told me she is EXACTLY where I was before my BE POSITIVE initiative.

Hit traffic snarl on way home...due to drivers rubbernecking something that wasn't blocking any lanes at all.

Hubby sick and curled up on couch looking and feeling miserable.

Slept in guest room to avoid germs and heavily snoring sick spouse.

Arrive today (again close to 8AM!) to find place in an uproar. No details, just suffice it to say, everyone was back from their last holiday time off with a vengeance.

Cranky co-workers.

Technical failures.

IT professionals off the grid.

Long conference calls with long-winded people requiring me to literally YELL "WAIT JUST A MINUTE PLEEEAAASSSEE!" into the receiver after 10 solid minutes of talk and no pause for comment.

Bombardment of tasks.

Critical view of calendar that looks impossible.

Coddling of MERGER partners to ensure no one gets bent over not being included in everything.

Group holiday party scheduled for this Thursday night....and no one in a party mood.

Now...I'm not complaining about these things. I'm just saying. This is a challenge to my initiative to BE POSITIVE right? You're testing my resolve right?

Let me assure you that on Day 2 I'm not yet willing to give up, but I'm getting a healthy dose of what it will take to stay on this road.

Positively a New Year

2011-01-03T11:51:00.000-05:00

I don't do resolutions. Really. But I do like fresh starts. When I was a kid (and for about 10 years into my non-student adulthood), September always felt like fresh start time. But nowadays the time goes by so quickly and everything runs so fast that I can't seem to find that moment when you take a deep breath, assess where you've been and where you want to go, and dive back in again. When do we ever get to do that anymore?

In the spirit of new beginnings and a new year. I'm trying one major new thing. Just one. Just one that colors pretty much everything else I may do and be.

BE POSITIVE.

Hey, I love a good bitch fest. I love the opportunity to be snarky and express my frustration with cutting remarks and eye rolls as much as the next person, but in the past few months the things that used to be small bursts of negativity that served to cleanse the pallette and not bottle things up has turned more into a festering forever wound that just won't heal. The MERGER is the biggest culprit here. And my negativity around this has become so prevalent that two of my staff stopped to ask if I was ok last week.

So, no more bitching.
BE POSITIVE.

There is a movie quote bouncing around in my head from City Slickers - one of the defining movies of our generations' angst and mid-life crises that begin early and last for decades. The line where Billy Crystal's character bemoans, "This is the best I'm ever gonna be, best I'm ever gonna feel..." or some such self pitying speech. Then, at the end, after he's found his direction again in a cowfield in the middle of nowhere, he returns saying "I'm not going to quit my job, I'm going to do it better." (again I paraphrase)

So, re-engage in forward momentum...don't spin-out in MERGER land.
BE POSITIVE

So, rather than suck the energy out of my office and my home and my life, I'm going to try going the other direction. Not quite Pollyanna level, but in essence, finding satisfaction in what I can do and will do, rather than what I can't, and won't. Avoid those toxic relationships and situations that I create or participate in that foster my snarky bitchy negative moments. Be a glass is filling up kind of girl for once in my life.

Walk away from the groups that huddle at the water cooler to moan.
Don't be fake, but BE POSITIVE.

This is no easy goal my friends. And this will take nearly as much energy as I was sucking out before, so hold on tight. And when there is humor to be found in the ridiculousness of life, without going TOO negative, I hope to still enjoy a wicked giggle once in a while. But the full-force negativity has to stop. It was doing nothing for me.

Seek energy, don't suck it.

BE POSITIVE.

This morning I actually made it to the office at 8AM. This hasn't happened in some considerable time. It already started off my day with a positive note. Instead of playing catchup on voice mails and emails and tasks, I was ahead of the game, and have a good portion of my Must Do list already in progress and it isn't even lunchtime yet. I have found myself dragging in to the office closer and closer to 10AM which is only tolerated because I stay so late into the evening and I'm reachable by cell 24-7....but truly, can you really sustain that kind of schedule for long before people start to wonder about you?

Work normal hours. Get shit done. Don't dwell.

BE POSITIVE.

I've greeted every person today with a smile and a Happy New Year and have not engaged in any complaints. Granted I'm only a few hours into my waking day - the first day of my initiative - but give me credit for changing my natural tone and behavior already - even if I lapse a bit here or there. In fact, I don't think I've done even one eye roll today. And that's like a miracle.

Facial expression - upbeat. Eye-rolls - minimized.

BE POSITIVE.

There is an opportunity here to enjoy life a little more. Work on the Yellow Cottage a bit. Enjoy the international travel opportunities for work and see a little of the world. Re-gain feelings of accomplishment at home and at work. Have fun. Love my husband. Read good books. Sleep well.

Take a deep breath.

BE POSITIVE!

It's a Marshmallow World

2010-12-26T17:12:00.000-05:00

And while I could be talking about my thighs, I'm talking about the unexpected blizzard currently blowing outside my window. We checked the weather last week, knowing we'd be on the road Friday and Sunday and not much was said except there was a storm that would probably be out at sea to the east of us. We proceeded with our plans and had a lovely, if whirlwind holiday weekend. Arrived at my childhood home at 3PM, exchanged gifts with Mom and Uncle and by 4PM were at my cousin's for a nosh-fest and more presents, and then by 6:30PM were at church for services and (more importantly) to hear my favorite soloist and childhoold friend belt out "O Holy Night" better than Pavarotti. By 8:30PM at my best friend's house for more food, more presents, more visits, and more fun. Home by 11:15PM, asleep by 11:30PM.

Saturday morning we checked weather again and heard a little bit of accumulation might occur late Sunday night. By 11AM we were headed to another cousin's and arrived in time to watch all 5 of their kids, and them, opening about 1,000 gifts. (You can tell my cousin and her husband both work in retail....they've been shopping since August.) They had TWO trees! Count them two.....both in one room (telling you how big their living room is. And one of the trees was no less than 15 feet tall....honest...I'm not exaggerating! We took no pictures, of course, but we ate like we hadn't eaten in 4 days, and had a lot of fun smashing months worth of visiting into a few short hours. We were back at Mom's by 7PM - since our hosts had retail duty starting at 5AM today. When we turned on the weather, we heard the accumulation might be greater, but probably starting late afternoon.

Everything changed in 12 short hours. This morning we woke at 7:45 to hear the words BLIZZARD WARNING! So, instead of staying at my mom's house until about noon and having a leisurely brunch before getting on with our 6 hour drive, we hightailed it out right away. In fact, I think we may have left skidmarks on her carpet we ran out so fast. (Sorry Mom!)

Mom, ever the realist, wanted us to be safe more than anything, so she packed us a survival bag (water, laughing cow cheese, granola bars, and at my gentle reminder - a box of christmas cookies! She also threw in a blanket. The roads were so clear and light on traffic for 4/5ths of the ride, I was starting to wonder if this was another case of media hype, but we hit the 50 mile from home mark and it started coming down and the traffic started slowing down and the reports of local accidents started ramping up.

Home before 3PM and we realized it was perfect timing. We unpacked the car, backed both cars tight to the garage (unfortunately our 2 car garage is too full of storage to get either car inside right now...definitely need to do some more freecycling and sorting). Brought in our glass patio table (yes, I know, should have been done months ago) and promptly built a roaring fire in the fireplace. For the last 30 minutes I've been watching the snow coating building up on my office window since it is blowing horizontally, and I've also been watching the cars skidding up and down my road (get home people!)

We'll deal with tomorrow and digging out and getting to work if we need to, but for tonight, it's a toasty fire, frozen pizza, one purring kitty, and cable movies.

Hope your holidays were merry and you stayed ahead of any blizzards in your life (real or metaphorical) as well.

Have a Bowie-Crosby Christmas

2010-12-25T00:01:00.002-05:00

I enjoy this duet every year. It seems to be a polarizing choice...so pick your side...but it's my favorite.

Merry Merry

The End of an Era

2010-12-23T22:36:00.000-05:00

Today we bid good-bye to a colleague of ours. She had been with the company for more than 35 years. Considering how much I know I have slowed down since I started there 20 years ago, at age 23, I was always amazed at her continuing commitment and drive at the office. You see, the Doctor (as we called her since she is a PhD in Archaeology), turned 86 years young this year.

I wish I could say that this was a celebration moment. I wish I could say that she was heading off to new adventures and a life of well-earned leisure. Instead, it was a difficult business decision that we as a management team had to make. With the MERGER in full gear, and the pressures mounting on reorganization, we had to look at our little family with a clear business-only view. No longer could we have discussions about how to provide the Doctor with work suited to her intellect AND age. No longer could we use phrases like, "But she's been here forever, it doesn't cost much to keep her on..." We had always hoped someday she would come in and say...."I'm done. I'm satisfied. Life here has been good, now it's time to move on to the next phase of life."

Instead we had to give her the boot.

It was all done with grace and dignity, a nice comfortable departure package, some advanced notice, and with as little attention as possible, as was her wish. She insists she will be looking for a new job in the new year. She will not rest easily with idle hands. I wondered as I listened to her if we are all destined to make that mind shift. When do you think we change from the people we are most of our working lives - dreading getting up in the morning and stressing over the day, wishing for that one big lottery ticket win - into the person who doesn't want it to end. I see it happen so often. And yet I can't imagine wanting to stay at my job one minute past the absolute necessary time I need to see the financial road clear.

In the end, she didn't want a lot of sentiment. She didn't want a party. She barely wanted to say good-bye. And those of us she did talk to, privately and quietly as is her way, understood. We understood as we held her hand and cried a little ourselves as if we were hearing the news for the first time.

And in her typical fashion of laughter and charm, she gave me a hug today and said, "Onward"....I've heard her say that so many times with a jaunty fist punch in the air and her 4' 10" trim body bounding down the aisle, it seemed almost like any other day.

Almost.

I watched her walk up the aisle of cubicles today toward the door - for the last time as one of us. She was bundled against the cold and pulling her shopping cart on wheels filled with some of the last items from her desk. It was just about the saddest thing I've ever seen. And even though I was 100% behind the business decision...the pure human side of me - the side that saw my longtime colleague and friend departing not only her place of work, but her place of community - that side of me cried.

We all swore today that we would stay in touch. We'll have lunch. We'll visit. We'll call. And I hope we will. But we all knew that something shifted today and it will be all too easy to just let go.

I stopped at her desk before leaving tonight and touched the books she left behind. A gargantuan old dictionary that she had zealously guarded for the last 20 years, swearing the newer dictionaries we got for her were simply not as accurate or complete. The books on technical translation for English to Spanish and Spanish to English that helped her get through multi-lingual documents written and read by engineers and scientists. The rule books on grammar and style that she could probably recite by heart. I smiled a little to see the ream of paper that she used to raise the height of her monitor. That ream looked like it was the same one she must have plucked out of the supply closet 15 years ago - wrinkled and stained - but it would be unlike her to find a reason to replace it with a formal stand or even a fresh ream. It was still doing the job. Still just the right height. Why would she need anything else?

Then I stepped outside her cube and pulled her nameplate from the wall. No one else had done it. No one else would want to. But I needed it to be an empty cube now. Not the space the Doctor was supposed to occupy.

On Monday we start again. And we'll be a little less because she is gone. The end of an era.

In the Spirit of Giving

2010-12-18T14:00:00.000-05:00

I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catchers mitt on both hands. You need to be able to throw something back.
~Maya Angelou

-----

This is the time of year charities count on the "Christmas Spirit" to open up our hearts and our pursestrings and support their noble activities for the entire year. Food banks typified with bare shelves 11 months a year, suddenly find their stores overflowing. Homeless shelters are bombarded with individuals, groups, and companies wanting to help. From clean water, to housing, to canned goods, to toys for tots....they are all on our list at this time of year.

Every year for the past several years, when we finally started to realize we had too much for one household, we give a little back. We sponsor charities at work - Water for People, Toys for Tots, NY Cares Coat Drive. We stuff dollars into fireman's pails at intersections, uniformed Salvation Army volunteers' pails at grocery stores, and every jar at every store counter we come across. We pay forward the grocery store gift cards we've received from my husband's company as an employee bonus. We try to buy gifts from organizations that donate some of the proceeds to other causes. We sponsor letters to Santa from the Post Office - we've given bikes, video games, coats, underwear, jeans, etc. We select a charity each year and give a little extra - Habitat for Humanity, the Red Cross, The Cancer Society.

At other times of the year, when asked, we give. Joey's boy scouts. Timmy's ride for the cure. Susan's walk for the cure. Alice's candy sale for the school trip. Denise's dress drive for prom night. We participate in the back to school clothes for kids program, giving book bags and new clothes and shoes to needy kids to help them enter their new school year bright and shiny like the other kids in their class. We've donated to veteran's causes in honor of our military family members, past, present and future.

I don't tell you all this to take credit for the giving. Because to tell the truth, I'm the needy one. I'm the one who needs to feel a little less selfish, a little less self-absorbed, and even a little less lucky. I need to even the playing field as I look at more and more families with education and loving family backgrounds being driven into poverty and desperation. I need to know why my family survives and thrives while others fail.

This week, other blogs (Bloggess you rock) got personal with their donations. They asked people in need to just say the word and those in better stead, stepped up and fulfilled that need. I came late to the party - all the needs on that list were satisfied. I still signed up, late is better than never. Because I know it is a thin line that we all walk today. A very thin line between having and not. Between healthy and working and sick and not. Between sheltered and not. Between lucky...and not. If you read the Bloggess post and don't cry....I can't possibly relate to you.

In the store the other day, a woman turned to me, her basket full of toys, clothes, gifts, and said, "Do you hear that song? It's the most wonderful time of the year? It's the happiest time of the year? Bleh. It's the most expensive time of the year." I smiled and moved on, wondering about how we all forget how lucky we are that we can afford to fill our shopping carts.

Today I got a holiday card from my Aunt. In the card she wrote this:

"Dear Wendy and Carl,

What I would have spent on your gifts, I bought a truck, mittens, and a hat for the 4 year old boy in the L.L. Bean family (charity). He will be a happy little guy.

Wishing you a healthy, happy Christmas and New Years.

Much love from
Aunt Marge"

This is already my favorite gift this year.

Take a moment today - a few days before the solstice, a few weeks after Hannukah, a short week before Christmas and look around you at every blessing you possess. It's a little early I know, but I'm starting my long list of resolutions for 2011. #1 on the list is Find Ways to Give Back. And that means throughout the year, not just at the holidays. If you have ideas for me, please let me know. I'm looking to, like the Bloggess and the Grinch, grow my heart a few sizes.

Good Day, Bad Day....Typical Day

2010-12-17T14:17:00.000-05:00

These days at work the MERGER is really chapping my butt.

Every day as I drive to work, I wonder how much of the day will be good and how much will be bad, but I know for sure it won't be all of one or the other. One of the VPs here relayed a comment from an outside consultant who was initially engaged (and subsequently dismissed) to help our two companies manage the integration. The consultant talked about the Mood Elevator. "You're up, You're down, You're on top of the world, You're down in the dumps....that's integration."

So true.

Of course I can't get into specifics here in this public forum, so all I will say is.....

*#$*&()#&^%$$#^&^@%^&

As they draw in the funny pages when a character has less than complimentary things to say.

Today I had a great meeting that brought people together from both sides of the organization to dicsuss a joint marketing and communications endeavor. Good ideas on both sides. We learned things from one another. Nothing was defensive or difficult. It was a high point.

But at the exact same time, other conversations (via email, text messages, etc) were ongoing about a wholly different activity that felt like a nuclear bomb was going off at my desk. Fully territorial. Fully adversarial. Turning me into the person throwing my hands up in the air and giving up on a reasonable response.

Good day....bad day....riding the elevator.

Sigh.

Perspective at Kohl's

2010-12-15T14:20:00.001-05:00

So the other night I had to return to Kohl's because two gift cards I had purchased mysteriously disappeared. I think they never made it into my bag....but no one turned them in at the register....so who knows.

Anyway, on the way there I had a catch-up call with a dear friend. This (anonymous by request) friend and I caught up, had a few laughs, and then she delivered some news. Some health news. Some news that makes you stop and think. It is treatable. It has a great prognosis. But it is one of those moments where you stop and say, "Damn, and I was worried about x,y,z....let's stop that and just think positive thoughts about her and about how lucky I am today."

I sat in the parking lot with the engine running and the snow flakes flying and listened to her relay the details. I offered my love and encouragement and I was happy to truthfully say I knew everything would be fine...but I also knew she was, of course, going to be anxious until I was proven right. Being an anxious person myself, I offered her my ear (or shoulder) for any moments of anxiety she has in the future. "I'm good," I said, "at turning these anxious moments into something you can laugh at."

After nearly an hour of talking, we finally hung up the call, I turned off the engine and walked into Kohl's to handle my missing gift cards. I walked past the hordes of bargain hunters and the messy displays and all the way to the service desk in the back. A very efficient woman, but only one, was handling a line of people waiting for their special requests for returns, exchanges, bill payment, questions, coupon extensions, etc. I waited and listened to the heavy sighs that exhaled from the people around me. Sighs meant more for the rest of us to understand their frustration than for the simple venting of CO2. I listened to how people snapped at the girl behind the counter who was actually very proficient at her job and working quickly. I listened to how unreasonable demands were met with competent and generous offers.

Your Kohl's cash expired two months ago but you still want to use it? Sure, here's a new certificate.

Your card is being refused because you haven't paid your bill? Well, let's process a minimum payment so you can go spend the maximum balance.

You washed this shirt in hot water and it shrunk? No problem, we'll exchange it for a bigger size for you.

I mean Kohl's could not have done much more to appease these people, but I got the impression they all want what they wanted...and they wanted it RIGHT NOW. With no waiting. And they STILL weren't going to be all that happy about it.

When it was my turn, my mind was still back on that phone call. I was already thinking of travel plans and arrangements and how I could be at my friend's side when she was having the necessary procedure. If she didn't need me at her side, I was thinking about how I could distract her with little funny stories or gifts that would keep her in her natural positive sunny state and help her with her recovery. But, I woke myself up to the present and smiled at the harried Kohl's employee and told her my story.

I purchased two gift cards, here is the receipt. When I got home and opened my bag - they were not there. I called the store and they told me I could get new cards if I came in. Here I am.

She thought a moment, reached under the counter and pulled out a binder. She then paged the store for someone to help as she knew this would tie her up for more than the average 1 minute she was spending per transaction before I got there. The binder was full of multi-colored sheets. Probably the FAQs and answers for every possible customer situation. She found what she needed, punched a bunch of numbers into one computer and then another, made phone calls to central office for codes, etc.

Behind me I heard the sighs increasing in volume and voracity. I remained calm and quiet. THIS is what I'm going to stress about? Not after that phone call. Give me a break. The Kohl's associate continued to solve my problem, which required a manager signature. When he arrived at the desk he proceeded to snidely inform her she did it all wrong. She pointed to the binder and showed him evidence she was right and he said, "Nope. Re-do it!" He walked away, as self-important as could be and she turned to me and exclaimed in frustration, "YOU SHOULD HAVE YELLED AT HIM! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL HIM YOU'D BEEN WAITING FOR 20 MINUTES AND HE SHOULD JUST SIGN IT ALREADY AND LET YOU GO???"

I looked at her and smiled. I said, "It honestly never occurred to me to yell at him tonight. There are just too many more important things in life than getting into a fight over a gift card." She stopped and smiled back and quietly agreed. She made a call, confirmed she had been right in her process. Gave me my new cards and told me she would take care of the necessary signatures and there was no need for me to wait any longer. By this time, all the other customers had been managed and departed, so I asked her to ring up my one tiny purchase.

What was my purchase? A little card for my friend....a card about perspective. And together that Kohl's associate and I smiled at the card's message and took a little of that perspective home ourselves.

Crinkle of Paper, Jingle of Bells

2010-12-13T12:00:00.006-05:00

It's that time again. When I struggle mightily to come up with fresh new ideas for gifts for family, friends, and colleagues that does not simply add to the CRAPOLA factor. You know, the stuff you give/get every year where you think, "where in the world will I put/use/keep this?" In simpler times, people so often went without what they needed, much less wanted, that it was easy to find something in any price range that could really by used and treasured by the recipient.

Nowadays, we all tend to get everything we need, and then some, and our wish list is largely satisfied too, except maybe for those big items that are truly lotto dreams. I laughed when I looked at my nephew-in-law's Amazon list - where he has a $600 kegerator on the list. I love you man, but maybe you can just be satisfied with a 6-pack? Plus, you are in Cuba right now, so I'm pretty sure the kegerator would rust away unused for the next year.

Anyway, I managed to find some neat little things for those that we love and care for and I hope they are enjoyed by them all. We also went to some edible gifts this year (be watching your doorstep some of you family gathering loved ones on 12/23-12/24) and some custom items that came back with us from Italy.

This weekend was wrapping time, so my house looks like this:

A preview of some of the sweet gifts I found at my favorite stores - Pier One and Home Goods (not to mention vendors in Venice, Murano, Burano, Rome, and Florence!)

I'll probably have to go back and get us one of these throws - Penny really took a liking to it!

I learned my lesson last year. No fine/refined jewelry for the nieces...go funky, wild, and BIG!

I think I'm nearly done now. Just "wrapping it up" (pardon the pun) now. How are your holiday preparations shaping up?

Grinch, No More

2010-12-12T18:11:00.000-05:00

My family knows that I typically do not decorate my home for the Christmas holidays unless we are hosting an event - family or otherwise. And this year, the holiday will be an "away game" (assuming this crazy snowy weather to the west of us gives us all a holiday break) and so no lights, no tinsel, no ornaments adorn my home. I think people are really frightened that that is a sad thing for us. I guess I don't find it sad. I still do the holiday shopping, the wrapping, watch some of the christmas specials, and listen to my umpteen holiday cds. I do the company holiday party, the christmas eve church service, christmas dinner with family (in a couple locations) and all that holly jolly stuff...so not pulling out the decorations doesn't really bother me at all.

But my sister helped us with the minimum measures this year. That sweet woman sent me a decorated tree. And knowing my desire to TRY and be somewhat green, it can even by planted in my yard come Spring.

Tiny, but festive. Thanks Sis. We love it.

Today's Message from Dalai Lama

2010-12-07T19:44:00.000-05:00

Today I got one of those forward emails. You know the kind. The sappy life messages with pictures of butteflies and flowers that always make you stop and wonder. Mostly I wonder who has the time to put these things together. But you know, they usually say something I need to hear. Supposedly this one was created from quotes the Dalai Lama gave in 2010... a Dalai Lama mantra if you will.

I watched it. Twice.

Here's what it said.

Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
Follow the three R's - Respect for self, Respect for others, Responsibility for all your actions.
Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
Don't let a little dispute injur a great relationship.
When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
Spend some time alone every day.
Open your arms to change, but don't give up your values.
Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don't bring up the past.
Share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality.
Be gentle with the Earth.
Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
Remember the best relationship is one where your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

Ok. So what do you think? Sappy? Trite? Or maybe words to live by? There are some zingers in there I have to say. Things that resonate with me right now as my professional life continues its upheaval in MERGER world. Like, open your arms to change, but don't give up your values. Hmmmm. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it. Yeah....knowing your trade-off limits is a good thing. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly. I'm still learning that one. And until I do, I'm following: Remember sometimes silence is the best answer.

In a similar vein, my sister gave me a card several years ago and I liked the words in it so much I turned it into a bookmark. Like the notes above, it is something I read most days and try...I really do try.

Live with intention.
Walk to the edge.
Listen hard.
Practice wellness.
Play with abandon.
Laugh.
Choose with no regret.
Continue to learn.
Appreciate your friends.
Do what you love.
Live as if this is all there is.
- mary ann radmacker

I like how it starts. Live with intention. I do tend to float through life sometimes, letting it happen to me, rather than defining it myself. It is important to be able to go with the flow, but perhaps it is more important to influence the flow and react purposefully.

Guess I'm immersed in philosophical thought today. Care to join me?

And on to the next holiday

2010-12-05T23:23:00.002-05:00

It has been nine long years since our friends have visited us. It is only a 5 hour drive, but sometimes it can be worlds away. Now that two of their three wonderful kids are out of the nest, it seemed a little easier to find a weekend that wasn't totally committed to sports, studies, events, birthdays, etc. etc. etc. and a visit was finally scheduled...the first weekend after the Rock Center tree was lit. And where did they want to go? NYC of course. For fun, their youngest brought along her best friend...both with the same name. They don't seem confused by it at all. I was thoroughly confused by it. But no matter. They were both adorable.

It all began with a train ride. Such a hum drum thing for those of us who use it all the time....very new and even intimidating for them.

They are actually jumping up and down inside....really....I promise...believe me at the house for two days before we left, they were physically jumping up and down! Maybe they look less excited because we told them to remember the train stop in case we got separated in NYC and they had to find their way home.

Unseasonably cold for early December...we bundled up well and made our way down to Battery Park so they could see Lady Liberty. She was awfully small out in the harbor...but they still thought it was worthwhile. Here they are at the sight of the Korean War Memorial (I checked Mom, Uncle Lambert wasn't listed) bravely fighting the wind.

For the Mr./Dad we had to hit the courthouse steps. He is a law and order junkie. So while he posed on teh steps, we all yelled: Dun-Dun. Or is it Bum-Bum? Well whatever. If you know the show, you know the sound. It's amazing how all the sights of NYC have so much history and yet people always get the most excited about those that resonate from movies, tv, and other things they experience from their LaZBoy at home. I have to admit, when we returned from Italy, we did sit up a little straighter when we connected movie sites to what we had seen.

Next was all about ChinaTown. Thoroughly daunted by the whispers in our ears (Gucci? Coach? Fendi?) we stuck with the actuall retail shops. The girls crowded in to the little shop to find their Hello Kitty glitter necklaces. "Two for $15!" "You no want one! One is $12" "I make you good deal"

In one of my favorite shots of the day...Tay shows she's happy, but certainly overwhelmed by the crowds. I didn't tell her she hadn't seen anything yet...we were still downtown of the true hordes.

We were working our way uptown, hitting all the items on the checklist. It's hard to get two short girls and one tall building (Empire State, minus the recognizable top).

And of course FAO Schwarz. But take a tip from me. Don't try to get in around Christmas. The line was three blocks long, so we opted for the picture with the cute and tall toy soldier man instead.

The most amazing Starbucks coffee shop in the city - the one in Trump Plaza. Nothing like a multi-story wall of water with an equally large christmas tree to say HOLIDAY.

But the city always wears her best colors at night. And THIS is what got all of our juices flowing. Times Square after dark. Spectacular.

And of course - Radio City. With our own little dancer giving us her streetside kick-line. (And as an aside, can I just say what a pain in the a$$ blogger video upload is.)

The crowds got thicker and thicker as we moved on. Really, if we hadn't had Tay#1 to serve like an icebreaker ship, our team of cruisers wouldn't have gotten far at all. That little girl can weave her way through a NYC crowd like a pro.

Happy Pre-Holiday's everyone!

Rock Center Christmas Tree 2010

What are you thankful for?

2010-11-30T08:00:00.001-05:00

We had the definition of a full-house last week, with air mattresses scattered around the house and the place busting at the seams. It's really the only time I look at my house and consider it an ill-advised purchase. It doesn't truly adapt well to a larger population. The families who came before us never evolved beyond three in residence...and there is a reason for that. For several days we had eight. From the age of 1 to 75, and all over the map on schedules.

For the first time ever Hubby and I gladly gave up our bedroom to guests. We thought it was the best move (and still do) for my niece and her 1 and 4 year old to take our larger master bedroom. She would have our comfortable queen bed, Little Man A (4) would have an air mattress on floor, and Baby Brother Z (1) would have a porta-crib. All fit in the one room and you could actually navigate around them...sort of. This put Mom and Uncle in the guest bedroom, Brother in Law on an air mattress in our office/3rd bedroom. And relegated Hubby and I to the living room.

Payback is a bitch, they say.

That is, after all the years we have put overflow guests in the living room on the fold-out couch came back to bite us big time. That hide-a-bed is about as non functional as it could be. We tried to alleviate the tired mattress situation with an airbed on top, but this was a failure as well. Combine that with the fact that we essentially had no "retreat" space was difficult.

Worse than that, this left my niece - our guest - with a no-win situation with restless kids in her room 24 hours a day and no retreat of her own. She might have had a comfy mattress, but I think she may have had less sleep than anyone.

Don't get me wrong. Having a big family dinner on Thanksgiving was fabulous. Having many of the people we love in one place was equally great. But trying to be hostess with the mostest (who ever came up with that stupid saying?), keep all the guests happy or at least sane, keep the house somewhat in order so septogenarians didn't trip on kid toys and kids weren't trodden on by their elders, feed people, schedule bathroom time with a potty-training child and impatient needy adults, exercise the kids to burn off some excess energy, juggle multiple cars in driveway, pickup/dropoff at train stations for metropolitan visitors, accommodate naps/sleep patterns for all....yeah...it just doesn't work.

If it weren't for my overabundance of caring what other people think and need, I'd be a lot healthier mentally and let's face it this blog would have a different title. I cringed at the hard time my niece was having keeping the kids in tow in a strange environment and knowing she wasn't getting the rest and relaxation she needed, I winced when I saw my hubby walking with a hitch because of the bad bed situation, a little twitching of muscles around the eye occurred as I thought about how to keep the house at an equalized temperature for the comfort of all.

As everyone left (some earlier than planned), they all thanked us for a lovely time, a wonderful meal, our kindness and hospitality. As the numbers dwindled our house began to expand again and my nerves settled. I most likely have projected more pain into the weekend on behalf of my guests than they felt (I hope), and by next year's Christmas - our next possible big hosting event - I may have some better ideas on how to manage it.

But for now, I'll just say....

I'm thankful for my crazy hob-goblin family.
I'm thankful for money in the bank, food on the table, and health in our bodies.
I'm thankful so many people I love made the effort to join us for a day (or a week)
I'm thankful they all got back home again safely.
And, I guess right now, most of all I'm thankful Thanksgiving is over.

Easy as Pie

2010-11-22T23:42:00.001-05:00

I am not a pie maker (or is it pie baker?) Luckily my Mom took on the duties many many years ago from my Nana and is still slaving away with HOMEMADE crust y'all....and while the mincemeat filling may come in a jar (and not cheap)...the apple filling is all made with love and sharp knives and peelers and shit like that.

For me, Thanksgiving is all about the pie. Although, to be perfectly truthful, it is really all about the pie on Friday, Saturday, Sunday and on into the following week after all the relatives have left and the pie leftovers remain! I can never manage dessert on Thanksgiving night. There is just not enough room even in my generous belly after picking and feasting and drinking and picking some more on all the goodness that is Thanksgiving dinner at our house. How many meals do you get turkey, two kinds of potatoes, three kinds of bread, and casseroles that are topped with so much salty and sweet crunchy stuff you almost forget there are veggies underneath. This twisted all you can eat holiday is such an iconic American day...we are all about TOO MUCH TOO FAST. And in this meal, we get it all, and more.

So while I think my mom may feel sometimes her work on the pies is not appreciated when everyone pushes back from the table and heads to the couch with a groan and the distinctive "snap" and "zip" indicating the pants just gave out...I must assure her (and have on numerous occasions), that it is not the main event meal that I care about.

It is, and always will be, the leftovers.

The promise of delicious delicacies as yet untasted even after the great and celebrated thanks have been given. The reheated wonder of food that has gained in flavor after cooling and warming again and reinvented itself in a day-after sandwich. And the barely touched pies...that taste all the sweeter after an extra day of anticipation on the taste buds.

A few years ago, there was a pie incident. Or should I say a pie travesty. My mom...ever conscious of the perfection she expects when she cooks...was dismayed at the quality of the crust of the apple crumb top pie. "It's soaked through!" she wailed. "It's falling apart and just a mess...." I assured her that it didn't matter that it might look like applesauce and crumbs on a plate under ice cream. To some this may have seemed like I was trying to placate her....to kindly give a white lie to save her from being upset by her less than stellar contribution to the holiday meal. NOT TRUE! I was lip-smacking sure it was yummy yummy yummy and I could just taste the sweet-tart taste of the granny smith apples warmed slightly with a melting topping of french vanilla that was promised for tomorrow.

But when tomorrow came, I opened the cupboard to find...NOTHING. No pie. I opened the adjacent cupboards. Had I mistaken where we had put the leftover pies?? Had they been moved?? As I glanced around the room with mounting panic, my eyes came to rest on the counter next to the sink. Propped on a tea towel was the saddest sight I had ever seen. An empty glass pie plate clean and glistening in the sunlight streaming through the window.

WHERE. IS. THE. PIE?????? I hoped and hoped that the pie had simply been moved to a leftover container and my mom was just preparing to take her valuable glass pie plate home with her.

"Oh, that mess...." mom said, "I threw it out...it wasn't right how the crust was soaked through."

AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHHHH! My once a year pie eating weekend was crushed. I never let my mother forget that day. Every year since I have threatened bodily harm should the pie disappear into the garbage. I've even considered a combination lock or a sensor alarm on the cupboard that would help me save the pie if my mom even thought about committing that crime again. I still can't believe she threw out three quarters of a perfectly awesome calorie fest.

Fast forward to present day. That memory is still haunting me (as if you couldn't tell). But today mom emailed me that she was working on the pie crusts. And I am telling you right now. Crumbled or not. Soaked through or not. I'm eating pie this weekend. Just try and stop me.

Whhoooopppss - Dropped the NaBloPoMo Ball

2010-11-21T23:08:00.003-05:00

All I can say is, until they move Thanksgiving and Christmas to another month, NaBloPoMo in November is just not going to work for me.

Instead of blogging, we are preparing for a week of visitors. Although the holiday is only one day - having relatives from all around means it stretches into a week of meals. Just ask our grocery bill. WOW. Heartstopping.

Who all is coming?

Well - my niece, brother-in-law and my two adorable great nephews arrive from DC on Tuesday. Also coming with this crew is one fine little canine pal - Maggie. Then my Mom and Uncle arrive on Wednesday. Then on Turkey Day we'll be joined for the festivities by my Mother and Father in Law and my Nephew and his friend. So, including us, you are talking about 10 adults and two little'uns...and a dog....and a cat. Can you say YELLOW COTTAGE BUSTING AT SEAMS. And I can't wait. By the time everyone leaves I'll be heaving a sigh of relief to have my space back....but I'll also feel the house is way too empty.

We've prepared by purging for another weekend tons o'crapola on Freecycle. And everyone obligingly took our crapola to other houses where hopefully my trash will be their treasure. Hubby also cleaned out his ONE DRESSER and from that somehow managed to give away two HUGE hefty bags of clothing as well as toss out about 3 tall kitchen bags full of unworthy clothes, papers, and various and sundry messes of stuff that collected in his drawers. How is that even possible? He also cleaned out his studio (no small feat) and promises to tackle his closet Monday night.

I've washed every possible sheet, towel, blanket, comforter and pillow case in the joint. Including the new bedding I purchased for the THREE new airbeds we got. One queen size to go on top of the fold-out (which is unbearable to sleep on after 10 years of wear), and two twin size. We'll have a pack and play jammed into the space as well. You have to know my house to know how funny it is to imagine all these people piled into the two bedrooms, the living room, and the office with airbeds and extra blankets.

I did the semi-annual empty and scrub the fridge..in fact both fridges...which is alway a harrowing experience to find the liquified carrots and the fuzzy leftovers shoved in the back...not to mention the interesting and hopefully non-toxic mold growing on the EXTERIOR and every crack and crevice of our garage fridge. It's horrifying really - how we live without even noticing the disgusting mess right in front of our eyes.

I tried to get to reorganizing my kitchen...but didn't get too far. Made it through about 5 cupboards, but I didn't tackle the really tough ones that have those teeter-totter piles just itching to come crashing out with a big bang. Should be interesting keeping the little ones from the cupboards in my not baby-proofed home. I'm already looking around thinking about candles, CDs, stairways, etc. But we'll have enough adults on patrol to make it work.

Did I mention we've also been babysitting a recovering kitty? Hopefully the animal rights folks won't come out of the wordwork on this one, but we did finally decide to de-claw her. I know. I KNOW. But I have to say, I wish people hadn't talked me out of it when she was a kitten as it would have been easier on her and god knows it would have been easier on my furniture. But since she SHREDDED my couch and ottoman and was starting to sink claws into my leather chairs...it had to happen. So we've been hand feeding her, carrying her up and down stairs, giving her daily antibiotics, and babying her shamelessly (guiltily?). But at this point she has been happily freed from her Elizabethan Collar, and is purring away, so I can't say that the guilt of trimming the tips off 10 toes has been too traumatic at all. I KNOW!

So no wonder I haven't been blogging, right?

We still have some honey-do's on the list for tomorrow, but we're just about ready to go. The house smells like cranberry relish and apple bread - a sure sign of the season...and the air outside is crisp.

Countdown to Turkey Day, 4 days.

Do You See What I See?

2010-11-16T10:18:00.001-05:00

This morning's news broadcast brought another mind-tingling topic to my brain. There is an NYU professor who is having a camera surgically implanted into the back of his head. Have you heard about this? Is it to monitor those unrully NYU students? No. In fact as a condition of his employment he will be blocking the camera lens during his NYU campus activities.

This...is an art project.

I don't suppose anyone ever thought that he could strap a camera on right? Or embed it in his clothing? There must be some reason a surgical implant is required, but damned if I know, and so far I haven't seen or heard a news report that asks that question. They are more concerned, and perhaps rightly so, with privacy issues.

In today's world, this argument is starting to lose its punch however. Face it. We can pretty much guarantee that we are all being watched at any given time. Whether it is a professor who's just crazy enough to add a camera lens to his anatomy, a barbie doll with an embedded video camera, the ubiquitous camera phone, crime and traffic monitors on every corner, ATM cameras, etc.....YOU are on candid camera.

Another news item this morning touted a new popular internet video about a cat fighting off two alligators. After you get past this amazing little teaser, you may start to think. How did that cat end up in a situation with two alligators and a camera trained on the action? Was it the result of the readiness of cameras in everyone's pockets these days? Was it a cruel and unusual prank to stage a fight between a feline and the alligators?

Remember the rule. The act of observing something changes it. And how odd is it that this rule of physics also was brought about by observing a cat.

Freecycle Saturday!

2010-11-13T16:29:00.000-05:00

So it has been a while since I have actively freecycled....and the seams of my house feel like they are busting again. Today I had planned to help sort and freecycle at someone else's house (you know who you are), but it was called off due to a nasty cough by the homeowner. I can respect keeping your germs to yourself. Hope you are feeling well and got some sorting done on your own.

Since I was geared up to get grubby, I dug into my own messy belongings. In my usual ADHD approach to organizing it went like this.

Sitting at my desk researching some products for furniture refinishing (yes, I'm getting closer to trying to...gasp...paint my oak bedroom furniture!) I realized how filthy my windows were. So I got out the windex and paper towels and worked away at all of the front windows of the house.

Then I got bored with that.

So then I sat down on the living room floor and dug into my double trunk/coffee table and pulled out about 100 magazines and papers to recycle. This took me on another journey to the garage for the recycle bins.

But to get to the garage I needed to go through my basement. And what I saw there dismayed me. It was the creeping outward of the junk piling up on my shelves that were an organizational project last January. So I started reorganizing shelves and then realized I needed to get on some shoes (still in my nightgown and barefeet).

Back upstairs where I passed the living room and realized I had (a) left all the recycling scattered on the floor and have never picked up the bin and (b) that the vacuum was sitting in the middle of the floor with a snaking cord just itching to trip me up. So I ran upstairs and got my sweats and shoes on and determined to be a little more direct in my approach. I immediately went for the paper bin (still outside from last pickup) and piled in the magazines and papers. Then I finished with the vaccuum and put it away and took the bin back downstairs to the garage.

The garage! Another project! I moved some of the random piles of summer furniture and Hubby's lodge storage (hopefully going to its own storage location soon...or I'm going to start charging rent) and began breaking down all of the cardboard boxes I've been tossing in the room and ignoring for the past several weeks. Garage fridge still needs a mildew cleanup, but that space is about as good as it gets.

Back to the basement I start to collect items to freecycle. I run up to get my laptop and bring it down hoping to be efficient (for once) and plug the items in as I stack them...but the signal is not strong enough so back up I go and back down with paper and pen.

But now I'm making progress. I offer a few items up and realize to offer the suitcase, I need the other pieces of the set, so up to the guest room I go and starting digging things out of the closet. 45 minutes later I have more items to Freecycle and a small pile of randome items scattered around the room that need to find a home again. But with the closet empty I can now (since it IS November) get the A/C's stacked away until Spring 2011.

All in all...while it was a circular route, I've made some solid progress. I haven't left too much of a mess in my wake and I've identified the following to offer on Freecycle:

Variety of table/floor lamps (some of these I've been hauling around since college folks!) - TAKEN
Two bags of women's clothing - TAKEN
1 4-plate rack - TAKEN
1 6-wine bottle rack - TAKEN
1 Suitcase set (4 pieces) - TAKEN
1 canvas port-a-crate for medium size pet - TAKEN
1 hoover vacuum cleaner - TAKEN
2 pet feeders (water/food) - TAKEN
1 roll of wallpaper blue/rose pattern - WAITING FOR A HOME....

I'm running out of steam now, so I'm taking one more pass through the house to make sure I didn't leave too much debris and half-done cleanup. Will do the minimal to close the loop on activities (trying not to go backward by sticking things back willy-nilly) and then I foresee some couch time in my near future.

Nothing like shedding a few pounds of belongings to feel free.

Post-script: Hubby just arrived home bringing with him several boxes of china from his mother. Tomorrow I'll be washing and sorting those pieces and looking for the best place to store them...I anticipate a kitchen tear-up and re-pack starting at 9AM tomorrow.

Sunlight, Glitter, and Grace

2010-11-12T15:36:00.000-05:00

Yesterday we had some glorious golden autumn sun streaming in the bedroom in the late afternoon. It was striking my dresser and mirror and bouncing around the room.

The jewelry that hangs in a messy mass on the hook was glittering and glowing in the light. Pearls, crystals, silver, murano glass, all reflecting shards of light.

And just like Mom's story of grace...it also hit my remembrance photo of my father and my cousin. Now gone from this world and into whatever next world you believe in.

It was nice to pause and notice it all in the quiet of an autumn afternoon.

Spinning

2010-11-11T18:51:00.000-05:00

Is there any greater joy than spinning?

Gosh I love my crazy kitty.

You Had Me at....the Applause?

2010-11-10T19:31:00.000-05:00

I know I'm wierd. I faced that a LONG time ago. But I have to ask any of you other semi-wierd people out there if you have this strange reaction to applause.

I well up.

I tear up.

I sometimes cry copiously.

It's true. I find enthusiastic applause to be one of the most moving sounds on the planet. You know how people always say their favorite sound is "a child's laughter" or some such thing? For me...applause. And not applause for me! I've never been on stage. I've never sought or been in public speaking situations that would merit clapping. But put me in the audience and watch me cry like a baby if a standing ovation occurs.

Just this week, in fact, I've had two or three occasions to feel overcome by emotion.

Here is one:

Granted...it's a moving piece of music. But it wasn't the music as much as it was the flowing applause at the end that choked me up. And that was sitting here. At my computer. At my slave desk. At the office. Can you imagine if I was on site for this? What a mess I would be.

Beyond this inspiring performance, it happened in an even more mundane setting. A company video. Yes. I'll say it again. A company video. To be specific, it was a video summary of a two day meeting held by our management team. There was nothing overtly inspiring in the material. It was fine. It was professional. It even had some solid information.

But at the end...the audience (in the video) applauded...

They stood and applauded.

And once again, my throat thickened and my eyes burned.

Tell me the truth. Am I even wierder than I thought?

Memory Keeping

2010-11-09T13:35:00.000-05:00

As predicted, I got home last night and opened my purse - the same purse I swore I scoured looking for the missing rings, and in the very first side pocket I looked into, there were the rings.

True, my first reaction is to laugh and shake my head, but my second reaction is to wonder if I am truly losing my mind. It's kind of scary that these blanks happen in my memory banks....I mean real true blanks. Like a clean sheet of white paper there is nothing there for things that my family, friends, and even my husband recall with total clarity.

I'm not sure if it is reassuring to note that my senior banquet (high school) event put out a program that included memorable quotes from individuals and mine was, "Oh my god, I totally forgot"...or something like that. So this has been an issue with me since the early days and is not early menopause or worse early onset Alzheimer's.

One of the reasons I continue to labor over this blog is my ability to go back and revisit memories. The very act of recording little daily events (or big momentous events) is that just writing it out gives it a higher probability of becoming impressed into my memory banks. But if not, I can always go back and see what I was doing this time last year and experience it anew.

For example, it's interesting to note that on November 9th 2007, I was having a scatterbrain day as well...lots of random thoughts creating pinballs in my brain. In 2008, I was espousing on the disparity between men and women couch potatoes (I must have hit a nerve as I have 10 comments on that one!). And just last year, I was trying to expand my blogging onto the Women's Colony (with no luck...and now it's sadly gone), but was despondent that my writing wasn't good enough...or at least my typing.

So as you can see...this blogging thing may be all the bad things people say...primarily a total exercise in self-involvement. But it is also the record of my own little insignificant life and times...and with my memory, an essential for my sanity.

Typical Monday

2010-11-08T19:02:00.001-05:00

The morning started out with an earlier alarm than usual due to my need to meet someone at the office at crack of dawn. Crack of dawn in my world is defined as before 9:30AM.

And it went downhill from there.

Put my thumb through not one but two pairs of stockings this morning. Guess I should give up old fashioned nylons and go for the bare foot look everyone else is sporting.

Stuck the mascara wand in my eye. Every woman knows this is the international harbinger of all things sucky for your day.

Realized that I could not find my rings. I've either left them in the hotel room or most likely they are buried inside something I packed that I haven't unpacked yet. (Yes - I called the hotel and No - they haven't called me back yet)...but I'm telling you. They are in my house somewhere...that's just the way it is with me.

Got downstairs and ready to leave and realized I didn't have my office pass. Not a big thing on a normal day, but arriving early at office meant I might need it to get in before receptionist. Went up and down the stairs THREE TIMES before realizing it was in my purse the whole time. (Hence my belief the rings are also hidden in plain site as well).
Hubby parked behind me today meaning I needed to move his car first. Again, not a big thing, but by now after up and down the stairs three times and a panicked call to hotel for the rings, I'm running behind.

Take a deep breath before leaving the house and pour myself something to drink (yes, non-alcoholic, despite the feeling I should go with the hard stuff today) in the travel mug and then proceed to leave it on the kitchen table.

Realize I have left the mug on the table between moving Hubby's car and starting out of driveway in my own. Run up the walk and steps to the house, only to realize that the door is locked and my keys are in the car. Give up with a muttered curse and head to the office.

Hit traffic approximately 1 mile from house. Have 17 miles of bumper to bumper bridge traffic to drive through. Great.

Finally get through the worst of the traffic and blow right past my exit on highway (because I was trying to relive in my brain departing the Utica Days Inn yesterday and where I put my rings) and have to go two more exits for a U-turn.

Since then...the day has gone surprisingly well by comparison. But the start was almost enough to send me screaming back to my bed to hide under the covers and wonder where in the HELL my brain has gone.

If you've seen my brain...or my rings....please return them to me. I'm sadly lacking without them.

What Can I Say About Utica?

2010-11-07T23:00:00.000-05:00

...well....it has a very convenient exit off the New York State Thruway....and...um...that's about all I can say.

To be fair, we didn't have time to venture far. Essentially we exited the Thruway, checked in to our hotel, attended our event, slept, and headed home the next day.

I'm sure Utica has many wonderful features...although strangely, when you click on their "Attractions" button on the city web page, it doesn't go anywhere.

Enough said.

But we weren't there for the location, we were there for the event. My father-in-law was inducted into the New York State DeMolay Hall of Fame. This organization, affiliated with the Masons, is the largest fraternal organization of young men in the world. It is an association of young men 12 to 21 years of age who are seeking to better themselves by learning leadership skills and practicing civic responsibility. My FIL has been a member and then a leader for more than 60 years!

FIL, Hubby, MIL

The Honoree is congratulated by a member.

Autograph anyone?

FIL's Sister-in-Law joined the celebration.

The cutest in-laws in the world.

Hubby and his favorite cousin...DeMolay is a family affair.

Another young man congratulates FIL...

It was really a lovely event...a good mix of elder statesmen and the youth that will lead the next generation. And if you think it was all stuffy and prestigious....it all started with my FIL yelling "COXSACKIE!!" at the top of his lungs into his cell phone to the younger members. A tradition that could only come from 12-21 year old boy-men traveling together up the thruway and giggling at the funny town name. FIL also got to yell "ORC is In. The. House." at the start of his speech...which was rewarded by a raucous cheer from a whole table of young men who are so devoted to him that they made the trip to fun-filled Utica to celebrate the event.

At least I don't think their enthusiasm to join the event had anything to do with the New York State Cheerleading competition also in town.

Wink. Wink.

COXSACKIE!

Utica Bound

2010-11-06T10:47:00.001-04:00

Today we're off to Utica. They say you shouldn't blog or tweet or in other ways e-broadcast your absences in case someone comes and robs your house.

Um...don't rob our house.

Our killer cat is on the watch for thieves and vagabonds.

And you don't want to mess with kitty potato head.

Friday Randoms

2010-11-05T12:46:00.001-04:00

*****

Does the blogging community inspire you or intimidate you? Are you on creativity overload from the craft and DIY bloggers? Are you on emotional overload from the tales of woe bloggers? Are your sides aching from laughing at the humor bloggers? Are you overwhelmed by the achievements and challenges of mommy bloggers? Does the idea of being pithy and witty and challenging in your blog, twitter stream, and facebook status make you insane?

Today, I am all of the above.

*****

MERGER update. After 18 months of suspense things like "org charts" and "budgets" and "new boss" and "downsizing" are being whispered (or whined) in the hallways. Also after 18 months of leadership meetings where they were framing our strategy...because the mantra has been "structure follows strategy"... it looks like the structure is take this whole hunk of department and move it here and that whole hunk of department and move it there. To be honest...it feels pretty forced and not a little like "What the hell have you guys been doing for 18 months? We could have done this hunk of this, chunk of that about a year ago???". In fact, it feels a little like bussing black kids in the 60s. Will that minority group be welcomed or shunned?

And can I just say??? Award-winning integration process my ass.

*****

Sometimes books that come to you in unexpected ways are the best. Once when I was on a plane heading to my hometown (called home due to my father's rapidly advancing illness) I found a book in the pocket of the plane seat that someone had left behind. The Love Letter. It was just enough to keep my mind from going to the really bad places that I knew were inevitably coming in real life. The book I am currently reading was a similar "gift of the fates". Love Walked In. Found abandoned in one of the rental apartments in Italy, it somehow made its way into my overstuffed bag to bring home.

It is truly a beautiful journey so far.

*****

Christmas shopping season is most definitely upon us and the usual bombardment of commercials, store displays, e-coupons, snail mail catalogs, etc. are hitting me hard. I have pages turned down and items circled and websites bookmarked, and lists started, but I'm already feeling the inevitable words bubbling up in me, "Do these people really need any of this CRAP?" Pretty as it may be. Suited to the personality as it is. Selected with love and devotion as it may be.

Really. Who needs to fill their homes with more of this stuff when people in Haiti are being blown out of their tent-homes by a hurricane. Sigh. Really takes the joy out of the whole giving thing.

*****

Celebrating service this weekend...namely my father in law's service. He has been a Mason for about 60 years now and has used that time to work his way through the bureacracy and politics that are inevitable in such societies and found ways to give back "for the greater good". Looking forward to seeing him recognized for his acts of love to the community. And I promise I won't even make any jokes about the secret ceremony scheduled for midnight with the goats and chickens and an altar...really I won't.

All kidding aside, he may have some health challenges right now, but he's rock solid in his soul and he's got all of us pulling for him...not to mention good karma coming his way.

*****

My Mom sent an email today that took my breath away.

"I had the strangest but wonderful feeling the other day. I was watching TV in bedroom and the sun came through the slit in the curtains and shed light on the picture of you and me at the Top of the Rock and slowly moved over to the picture of all of us taken in Florida when Dad was so ill and the sun landed on just him, me and you. I really got such a wonderful feeling and then the sun disappeared."

Such a wonderful moment of grace.

*****

Have a lovely November friday. Take a moment to consider the random thoughts in your brain. And enjoy the last of the leaves, the scent of crisp cold winter days just hinting in the air, and an abundant holiday season beginning.

NaBloPoMo Prompt - Thursday

2010-11-04T18:25:00.002-04:00

Thursday, November 4, 2010.
Would you rather be wealthy and ugly, wise and sickly, or beautiful and stupid?

Uh...none of the above?

But if I had to choose, I'd take wealthy and ugly. Not because of the wealth part, suprisingly I'm not greedy enough to go for that first. But come on, who wants to be either sickly or stupid? Those are just so much more of a killer than being a little on the ug-side don't you think? AND if you have money...you can use it to be a really great philanthropist - being beautiful on the inside...where it counts, right?

And oh yeah, money helps with all those polishing opportunities like personal trainers, personal chefs, spa treatments, salons, stylists and even plastic surgery options if the ugly is just too much to bear.

But wise and sickly? No.

I'll take the wisdom. God knows I could always use a little more wisdom, but there is a reason people say, "If you ain't got your health..." right?

And beautiful and stupid? Nope.

There are enough stupid people in the world and we don't need one more.

So, wealthy and ugly it is. And I'll use some of that wealth to sponsor a telethon for the wise but sickly and build a school for the beautiful and stupid. Problem solved.

How about you?

What Price, Art and Inspiration?

2010-11-03T14:16:00.002-04:00

On our annual trek to the Cape (Cod..of course) this year, we did our usual run of the galleries. Hubby is now selling his photography out of one of them, so that was a primary stop, and he also has competed in numerous shows at another. There is a lot of wonderful art to be seen there, and a great community of artists. We almost always pick up something, but for the most part they are small pieces.

But not this year.

This year, I was smitten. One particular painting totally grabbed me and would not let go. Even after hearing the price point (gulp) it continued to call my name. It was a jumble of beautiful colors and shapes that somehow perfectly captured the energy of a coastal city at night. Golden light spills from every window, little sparkly lights are scattered among the buildings - which themselves glow with gorgeous reds, aubergine, lime green, sage, and icy blue. And across the lower half the shape of a bridge and sailboats glistening and reflecting back on the waters....I was totally in love.

Now, being an artist himself, Hubby is totally NOT the type of person to control spending when it comes to art purchases. Furniture - he can look at me cross-eyed over. Clothes - yeah, whatever. But with art, he is NOT the voice of reason. He jumps right on board and opens the wallet. Which I love...and which I fear... But he said one thing to me before heading to the desk to finalize the sale.

"Will you look at it every day and love it?"

Our new artwork - the photo in no way does it justice

I looked at the painting again....
"Yes", I breathed, "Oh Yes."

And I have.

I'm sad to say it is still on the floor. But every day I look at it and a new thought comes to mind in the way the room must change around it. I'm thinking of painting my oak bedroom furniture set in an antique distressed cream finish - which will totally go with the glistening sails. I'm pretty sure the walls need to go from a Tiffany blue-green to a soft silvery gray and I need to find the perfect shade to serve as background to all of these beautiful colors. And I think I'm going to go with a scattering of solid color bedding rather than patterns, to allow the painting to be the only thing with movement. And the flooring....maybe one of the gorgeous blues from the painting will look like the watery base....

Needless to say, as Hubby sighs resignedly, this painting is going to cost a lot more than the sticker price before I am done.

New Book!

2010-11-02T21:28:00.000-04:00

I just ordered this book! You should too!

The new book The Beauty of Different is available from Bright Sky Press and Amazon.

NaBloPoMo...2010 Edition

2010-11-02T19:14:00.001-04:00

I blame the flight attendant.

After all, she walked down the passenger aisle in that jumbo jet sniffling, sneezing, coughing, and essentially serving a petri dish of germs to all the people on the flight. And my poor husband...my poor 6'3" husband... who just wanted one more glass of wine to make it feasible to sleep on the 9 hour flight from Rome to NY weighed his options. Request a glass of wine from Typhoid Mary, or not.

You guessed it.

The germs exploded all through my husband. And then he furthered the dispersion of viral goodies all over our home. Combine this with the general illness-prone population of the changing season, and I was doomed.

So it all goes back to that flight on October 6th and is the real reason I'm late starting my one post per day NaBloPo efforts for November.

But, rather than continue to blame others for my failings, I shall do my own penance and prepare a two part post using the November NaBloPoMo prompts.

Monday, November 1, 2010 Prompt:

How would your life change if you didn't have rent or a mortgage to pay, i.e., if your housing was free?

Are you kidding me???? Every day I dream about winning just enough lottery money to pay off the Yellow Cottage.

Yellow Cottage, Suffern NY

You see, our mortgage is pretty big. And like many lucky Americans, we have been watching our equity shrink steadily over the last few years despite continually investing in property improvements like a new patio, new roof, new retaining wall, new windows, new siding...and the list goes on and on. Given the cut that everybody would get at closing, we MIGHT be able to walk away with nothing owing....but it would be close.

The number one change I would make is having my husband quit his job. He could totally focus on his #2 passion (since I remain his #1 passion of course) of being an artist. He could dabble or seriously delve, whatever his preference. He could take classes, travel, do shows, work with galleries, whatever his heart desired. And I would be happy just watching him be happy. (Ok, maybe I'd be a little jealous, but truly, having an ecstatically happy spouse is really a wonderful thing.)

I think I'd focus my own benefit of no mortgage on travel. Designing one trip per year to take us somewhere really beautiful and fun and relaxing. Like back to Italy...again and again and again.

Whether the money would stretch far enough to radically change our lifestyle is questionnable. Without the big mortgage there is still property upkeep (in 1920's Yellow Cottage - not a small thing), taxes, utilities, cable/internet, phone, cars, credit cards, groceries, etc. etc etc. So someone (in this scenario - ME) needs to keep bringing in the bacon. And let's not forget the lovely little healthcare benefits one gets with a full-time job.

But still....it would go a long way towards relieving the pressure, you know?

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Tell us the story of a piece of jewelry you own. Where did it come from, and what does it mean to you?

Today's Jewelry

I've never been much of a jewelry person...I tend to gravitate toward costume (read - inexpensive) so that I don't have to worry much about losing it or damaging it. I can't count the number of times I've come home missing an earring, or without a bracelet, or with a busted watch. Who needs to worry about expensive items like that being destroyed? Hence my penchant for $10 a piece options.

But there are some pieces in my collection that I treasure most because of their connection to loved ones.

Primarily - my Dad's wedding ring. We lost my Dad in 2003 and my Mom selected small personal items to give to each of us kids. I have his wedding ring. Made of white gold, this plain band is dented and nowhere near circular in shape any longer. It testifies to a long and happy marriage and years of wear and tear. Those two things go hand in hand don't they? I wear it daily - as a thumb ring - and every time I put it on and take it off I give it a little kiss. It is my Dad, plain and simple.

I also have some rings that belonged to my grandmothers - most don't fit, but one does. I've never had these rings appraised, conditioned or repaired. I love that they have the rough and tumble look of the previous owners.

Some would call them vintage or antique.

I just recall the people who wore them first and call them loved.

Rome Ho-Ho's

2010-10-27T12:07:00.000-04:00

No, it's not a delicious chocolate snack with a creamy center...it's a Hop-On, Hop-Off (HO-HO) bus that tours around just about any major tourist destination city. We took advantage of this option in Rome and it was a great way to see the major sights.

Of course, we had already covered several on foot our first day....but having a gorgeous day and an open-top double decker bus to take you around the city was a treat.

After seeing the Trevi fountain being cleaned - a highlight to be sure - we wandered around a bit until we located one of the bright green signs indicating our bus stop.

But first - after Caffe Lattes and some serious early morning walking, Laura and I were on a quest for a bathroom. Laura had read that the best thing to do is look for a McDonald's. We jokingly (but not so much) realized this is our cultural contribution to Europe. You know....Egypt gives Rome a few dozen incredibly sculpted obelisks, and we provide Mickey-D's. And the signs for McDonald's are almost as ubiquitous as the obelisks and fountains.

So we found one at the foot of the Spanish Steps. And apparently, this McDonald's is quite famous. It was the first in Rome and spawned the Slow Food Movement. And I can't argue. Whether I was a native Italian or a tourist, I would much prefer the fresh food and leisurely dining that is so fitting to the Italian culture...with one exception. They really need to embrace the To-Go cup. For coffee, tea, soda, etc....it really is a necessity.

But if you HAVE to have a McDonald's, wouldn't you like to cop a squat with your Big Mac in a setting like this? This place was two stories of gorgeous, beautifully lit, and inspired design. The bathrooms were perfect...although take a euro in with you...most are coin access.

And this was the order counter. Filled with fresh pastries!

Once we had managed our bladder issues, we headed back to the nearest Ho-Ho stop and picked up a bus. Here's Laura marveling at the architecture.

We saw the Spanish Steps (again) and the famous Bernini sculpture that graces the Piazza di Spagna. Strangely enough, every picture of these steps on the internet is crammed with people. I guess our early morning starts really did allow us to avoid some crowds!

I loved this building which reminded me of the flat iron building in NYC.

Our next stop was definitely a highlight. This is the Piazza Venezia. This site inspired me to take a new look at some of our own historic government buildings. We just don't take the time to appreciate the grace and grandeur of these functional structures.

Next up...the Coliseum and other amazing sites.