A short time ago when I was having trouble coming up with topics, a few of my blogger friends suggested I write a how we met story. Given that our 19th anniverary is only two short months away, this seemed the ideal time to reflect...
Chapter 1. In Which Wenderina Makes Her Life Plan
Growing up I assured my mother that I need not learn the domestic arts. Not because I was going to be a career woman, but because I was going to be a kept woman. Kept in the style to which I felt I always deserved. I was looking for a man of means.
Now I never felt deprived as a child...EVER. Despite my mother's apparent leftover guilty feelings that I might have, I truly did not envy my friends their piles of christmas presents and teenage cars. In fact, it never occurred to me to think about it. I did however, dream of a day when I would not have to clean or cook or do any chores.
Of course, I wanted to be an independent woman first and could almost see my first apartment where I would live gloriously alone and do what I wanted, when I wanted, with no one else to consider. Oh...and maybe I'd have a dog...or bring my dog from home...but no one else.
I figured I'd meet the man of my dreams at age 28 or 29. Date for a few years. Marry at 32 and then spend our time leisurely traveling the world one beach at a time.
Or so I thought.
Chapter 2. In Which the Artist Crashes into Wenderina's Life and Changes It All.
The laundry room was a battle ground. You had to claim your machine forcefully, watch your supplies at all times, and if you left your clothes in the washer or dyer 1 minute beyond their cycle, you could almost guarantee they would be unceremoniously emptied from their machine and dumped wherever it was most convenient. Being my mother's daughter, however, I was known to empty the dryer of the late laundry-doer and fold their clothes neatly ready for their owner to come and collect them with gratitude.
This is when the Artist swears he met me first. I, however, must have been blinded by the fumes of the 50 machines and the cheapest laundry detergents in America, to notice. It would be a year later, that I first noticed the tall blonde stranger with the horn-rimmed glasses and cute overbite who shared a suite of rooms with a friend.
Chapter 3. In Which We Discover A Shared Life Philosophy
We had just returned from winter break and one of the girls in our dorm had brought a very young stepsister to visit for the weekend. This child was a brat. Or at least seemed like a brat to me at the time. I spent much of that weekend proclaiming my desire to NEVER have a child of my own. In one of the group settings in which I made this statement, a new tall blonde stranger agreed wholeheartedly. I viewed this boy with interest.
I had limited success with boys in high school and now had been unfortunate enough to room with some of the hottest (and loosest) females in college who collected men by the boatload, but left little selection for me. I had fancied myself smitten a few times only to find the boys similarly smitten with my red-headed pixie of a roommate, the tall lanky blonde roommate, or the brunette darling of the party set roommate. Don't get me wrong - these were great girls (well maybe the red-head was a bit of a head case), but they were way out of my league and I could not compete.
I wondered, at the time, which of my dearest friends would soon be snagging this new guy in our circle.
Chapter 3. In Which Wenderina Begins to Hope, and Hopes are Dashed
In typical college fashion, the great social lubricant was applied that night. Yes...I speak of the holy grail of alcohol. Being short-funded and short-sighted, we took what we could get with our meager rations and that night's bar was filled with cherry kool-aid and seagram's gin. Wow. Let's just pause a moment and take in that choice.
We began one of our many drinking games, and took our under-age livers in hand and began yet another brain cell murdering night. I was eyeing the Artist most of the night but had not yet figured out what to do with my interest in him. After a few drinks, we were focusing all of our drinking game vengeance on one another. It was like a semi-grown up version of pulling pigtails and calling names.
After a few more drinks, my emotions took over and I found myself sobbing in the bathroom. No. Not over the Artist. Over my older sister's announcement of her unexpected pregnancy. When I got it together again and returned to the other room hoping the Artist was still interested, I found my best friend sitting in his lap whispering in his ear.
Gone were my hopes of capturing this funny, cute, ocean-eyed, interesting boy.
Chapter 4. In Which Wenderina Lives a Typical Jane Austin Adventure of Mistaken Identities and Intentions
Dejected, I retreated from the room, assured that once again I would be the cute and funny friend of the leading lady who gets the guy. But I need not have lost all hope as my best friend bounced (or stumbled) into my room and told me in a fit of gin-fueled giggles that in fact this boy was interested in me and she was just whispering information about me to him on my behalf.
Drunken Make-Out Session Pause......
Chapter 5. In Which A Brave Sober Man Returns to the Scene of the Crime
The next day, all cherry kool-aid and gin evaporating painfully from my body, I was stricken with shyness and huddled under a blanket in my room. But the Brave and Sober Artist returned to my room to say hello, to share in my hangover woes, and to see if sans alcohol, we were still attracted to one another.
And thus began our long and bumpy courtship.
So I met the man of my dreams in February of 1986, when I was barely 19. About 10 years too early for my life's plan. A few weeks later, after I had tried to dump him at least twice, he told me he loved me - and scared me to death - but he wouldn't back down and slowly I arrived at the same conclusion. And 2 years later, on Christmas Eve 1987, a beautiful diamond engagement ring appeared at the bottom of my Christmas stocking - and my wonderful, sweet, funny, talented, blue-eyed man asked me to marry him.
Crazy Boy. I spent the next many months trying to warn him away. Making sure he knew I was nuts, neurotic, moody, bitchy, strong-willed, spoiled, opinionated, and all those other desirable qualities. But no matter how I pushed, he stuck. I think sometimes I'm still surprised by that.
Post Script:
Many years later, Hubby gave me a card that I keep framed on my desk that says, "I wonder where the years have gone, but never how else I could have spent them."
I am not a religious woman, but every once in a while I find myself whispering the following prayer.
Thank God this man found me.
Thank God for cherry kool-aid and seagram's gin.
Thank God for best friends who whisper in the right man's ear for you.
Thank God he never listened to me when I tried to break up with him and return to my original plan.
Thank God for all the patience, love, humor, and spirit this man still brings to our life together every day.
End of the "How We Met" story.
Showing posts with label Ask me a question. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ask me a question. Show all posts
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Advice for Mrs. G.
Today, on my 200th post, I am honored and also extremely intimidated to be asked for advice by Mrs. G. As a fan of Derfwad Manor, I can't help but be awed by her ability to draw 100+ comments on a regular basis, and am always amazed at her capacity for equally deep and fun-loving content.
A week or so ago, I admitted to being a bit bored with my blog. I was feeling a little uninspired, so I decided to ask readers to give me a little help with a Q&A format.
Mrs. G asks, "If you have been home being a mom for a long ass time, what is the best way to re-enter the work force? You are my career woman role model."
Well, first let me say, aw shucks. A career woman role model? Then, let me say, what are you nuts? The idea that I am a role model for anything makes me laugh uproariously in disbelief. Have you not seen the title of my bog? Have you not read the "About me" bio? I'm treading water here...barely...and just trying to act sane enough to avoid a lengthy stay at a residential facility with periodic electro-shock treatments.
Then, let me also say...I've never been a mom. I have a mom. I have sisters who are moms. I have friends who are moms. I married a man who has a mom. All of these moms have or had careers while they were actively parenting and beyond. Damn, I admire that. Just as much as I admire moms without careers. No matter how many hours I may work at my career - and they are alot - they will never compare to the true 24x7 duties of a parent.
But your question was - "what is the best way to re-enter the work force?" so here goes.
#1: Know what you want and what you don't want. One of the advantages you have of re-entering the workforce now is that you have learned many life lessons and you've even taught a few. Knowing yourself puts you way ahead of most of your competitors.
Do you want to stick with the field of education? or try something totally new? Do you want a for profit or not-for-profit environment? Do you want a public or private company? Do you want to stay within a specific commuting distance? Do you know the highest rated employers in your preferred field in your area?
#2: In a similar vein, know what you want to gain, and what you're willing to give up. Employers are much more flexible than they used to be, but you often have to prove yourself to gain that flexibility. So, are you willing to work 40 hours in an office, classroom, or other work environment? Or do you want the option to work remotely - part or all the time? Do you need a certain amount of paid time off? or is time off without pay also ok? Do you need insurance? Do you have a bottom line dollar value for your salary, or do you not care about the money, it's the job satisfaction you're after? Either way, it's always a good idea to know the going rate for your field, level of experience, and geographic market. I wouldn't normally recommend http://www.salary.com/ as people who populate the data seem to inflate their rates, but if taken with a grain of salt, it can be somewhat useful.
#3: Once you've answered 1 and 2 you are halfway there. You know what you want, what you don't want, you know your bottom line for gains and for sacrifices. Now - how do you find the job? Assuming your answers have also led you to at least a general field of work, you NETWORK. Let me say that again, you N.E.T.W.O.R.K.
The job market today is tough and made even tougher by the ease at which resumes can zoom across the internet for any job with a matching keyword. Human Resources departments are SWAMPED with incoming resumes and with the unformatted "monster" model - you can't use the old tricks we all learned about nice stationary, good font, good organizational layout, etc. It all gets printed as one streaming text block in courier font (ugh). A good cover letter can help - and I sure know you can write! - but for the most part, if you don't know somebody who knows somebody, for sure there is someone else in the mix who does.
So join associations, groups, or go take a master's class in your field, even if you already have a master's or if you don't intend to get the full degree. Find some way in. Get recommended. Use an employment agency. If you are staying in education, register to sub in the school district you want to work in. Use your incredible blogging skills and research, find ways to link electronically, anything that takes you OUT of the general pile, and puts you IN to the "must interview" pile. In the corporate world, most employers hate the fact that it costs so much money to recruit good candidates and they make the most of their existing workforce as a referral source - offering enticing rewards for a good hire. You only have to know one of these people SLIGHTLY to get them to take in your resume. After all, you may be their ticket to a new flat-panel tv.
#4. Don't give up. It took my hubby six full months of searching and in the end, he got the job he interviewed with 1 month BEFORE he quit his job and started the search. Because they liked him and remembered him and he kept in touch with them until the right job was CREATED for him. You just never know how long it might take. Enjoy the process. Don't pressure yourself. You'll interview better because you won't feel every meeting is a must-win. Remember, you are interviewing them as well. You want what you want and they need to give it to you. If you love the company, but not the job...can you make them fall in love with you and convince them you have a better formula for success (if not now, in the near future).
#5. Don't settle. You may take a job as a learning experience knowing it's not your final stop - but only the first step on the career ladder - but never settle. If you do, it will undermine your confidence, sap your strength, and derail your plans. It will even make whatever old job you left look appealing to you after a while. AND, if you're like me, it's tough to make that leap again when it may have taken you a while to get to where you are. Better to take a few more weeks, or months, to find the right opportunity.
#6. Look for a cultural fit more so than a skill fit. I cannot stress this enough. This is absolutely the reason I have been with my company for 18 years. The people. The ethical practices. The service we provide. They all make it work, when you're screaming with frustration over the pile on your desk.
It is WAY more important to work somewhere where you enjoy the people, the style, the overall feel of the place rather than that you feel totally comfortable with the job at hand. Comfort of the soul is healthy. Discomfort of the mind can be stimulating. Discomfort of the soul can be devastating. Comfort of the mind can be numbing.
#7. Make the most of your life experience. Make a creative resume - one that reflects all you have learned through your ongoing work as an educator in a school system and a home schooler. I find that combination totally fascinating! You have knowledge in operating within a structured and bureacratic organization, and yet the freedom of thinking to seek alternative approaches. Your success in setting a goal and reaching it is evident in your daughter's successful acceptance to college. DO NOT LET ANYONE BELITTLE YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS. But seek the best way to describe them that speaks to the unique environment of your desired employer - a translation, if you will, to their language. And don't discount your communication skills. These skills are some of the most sought after in business today since the education system is churning out so many graduates who can no longer write (too much abbreviations in texting?) or present complete thoughts.
------
That's about it....although I'm sure other people can offer additional points of view. I hope you find it useful. And I'll just close with these two points.
1. I encourage others of my readers to add to this list your sage advice as I can't claim to know it all...or even most of it...in particular - Manager Mom, Kiki, Chick, Amybow...what do you all think?
2. HIRE MRS. G! She'd be an asset, I'm sure, to any organization. But don't expect her to settle. You have to offer her a great opportunity.
-----
Got any other questions for me? Post them here.
A week or so ago, I admitted to being a bit bored with my blog. I was feeling a little uninspired, so I decided to ask readers to give me a little help with a Q&A format.
Mrs. G asks, "If you have been home being a mom for a long ass time, what is the best way to re-enter the work force? You are my career woman role model."
Well, first let me say, aw shucks. A career woman role model? Then, let me say, what are you nuts? The idea that I am a role model for anything makes me laugh uproariously in disbelief. Have you not seen the title of my bog? Have you not read the "About me" bio? I'm treading water here...barely...and just trying to act sane enough to avoid a lengthy stay at a residential facility with periodic electro-shock treatments.
Then, let me also say...I've never been a mom. I have a mom. I have sisters who are moms. I have friends who are moms. I married a man who has a mom. All of these moms have or had careers while they were actively parenting and beyond. Damn, I admire that. Just as much as I admire moms without careers. No matter how many hours I may work at my career - and they are alot - they will never compare to the true 24x7 duties of a parent.
But your question was - "what is the best way to re-enter the work force?" so here goes.
#1: Know what you want and what you don't want. One of the advantages you have of re-entering the workforce now is that you have learned many life lessons and you've even taught a few. Knowing yourself puts you way ahead of most of your competitors.
Do you want to stick with the field of education? or try something totally new? Do you want a for profit or not-for-profit environment? Do you want a public or private company? Do you want to stay within a specific commuting distance? Do you know the highest rated employers in your preferred field in your area?
#2: In a similar vein, know what you want to gain, and what you're willing to give up. Employers are much more flexible than they used to be, but you often have to prove yourself to gain that flexibility. So, are you willing to work 40 hours in an office, classroom, or other work environment? Or do you want the option to work remotely - part or all the time? Do you need a certain amount of paid time off? or is time off without pay also ok? Do you need insurance? Do you have a bottom line dollar value for your salary, or do you not care about the money, it's the job satisfaction you're after? Either way, it's always a good idea to know the going rate for your field, level of experience, and geographic market. I wouldn't normally recommend http://www.salary.com/ as people who populate the data seem to inflate their rates, but if taken with a grain of salt, it can be somewhat useful.
#3: Once you've answered 1 and 2 you are halfway there. You know what you want, what you don't want, you know your bottom line for gains and for sacrifices. Now - how do you find the job? Assuming your answers have also led you to at least a general field of work, you NETWORK. Let me say that again, you N.E.T.W.O.R.K.
The job market today is tough and made even tougher by the ease at which resumes can zoom across the internet for any job with a matching keyword. Human Resources departments are SWAMPED with incoming resumes and with the unformatted "monster" model - you can't use the old tricks we all learned about nice stationary, good font, good organizational layout, etc. It all gets printed as one streaming text block in courier font (ugh). A good cover letter can help - and I sure know you can write! - but for the most part, if you don't know somebody who knows somebody, for sure there is someone else in the mix who does.
So join associations, groups, or go take a master's class in your field, even if you already have a master's or if you don't intend to get the full degree. Find some way in. Get recommended. Use an employment agency. If you are staying in education, register to sub in the school district you want to work in. Use your incredible blogging skills and research, find ways to link electronically, anything that takes you OUT of the general pile, and puts you IN to the "must interview" pile. In the corporate world, most employers hate the fact that it costs so much money to recruit good candidates and they make the most of their existing workforce as a referral source - offering enticing rewards for a good hire. You only have to know one of these people SLIGHTLY to get them to take in your resume. After all, you may be their ticket to a new flat-panel tv.
#4. Don't give up. It took my hubby six full months of searching and in the end, he got the job he interviewed with 1 month BEFORE he quit his job and started the search. Because they liked him and remembered him and he kept in touch with them until the right job was CREATED for him. You just never know how long it might take. Enjoy the process. Don't pressure yourself. You'll interview better because you won't feel every meeting is a must-win. Remember, you are interviewing them as well. You want what you want and they need to give it to you. If you love the company, but not the job...can you make them fall in love with you and convince them you have a better formula for success (if not now, in the near future).
#5. Don't settle. You may take a job as a learning experience knowing it's not your final stop - but only the first step on the career ladder - but never settle. If you do, it will undermine your confidence, sap your strength, and derail your plans. It will even make whatever old job you left look appealing to you after a while. AND, if you're like me, it's tough to make that leap again when it may have taken you a while to get to where you are. Better to take a few more weeks, or months, to find the right opportunity.
#6. Look for a cultural fit more so than a skill fit. I cannot stress this enough. This is absolutely the reason I have been with my company for 18 years. The people. The ethical practices. The service we provide. They all make it work, when you're screaming with frustration over the pile on your desk.
It is WAY more important to work somewhere where you enjoy the people, the style, the overall feel of the place rather than that you feel totally comfortable with the job at hand. Comfort of the soul is healthy. Discomfort of the mind can be stimulating. Discomfort of the soul can be devastating. Comfort of the mind can be numbing.
#7. Make the most of your life experience. Make a creative resume - one that reflects all you have learned through your ongoing work as an educator in a school system and a home schooler. I find that combination totally fascinating! You have knowledge in operating within a structured and bureacratic organization, and yet the freedom of thinking to seek alternative approaches. Your success in setting a goal and reaching it is evident in your daughter's successful acceptance to college. DO NOT LET ANYONE BELITTLE YOUR ACCOMPLISHMENTS. But seek the best way to describe them that speaks to the unique environment of your desired employer - a translation, if you will, to their language. And don't discount your communication skills. These skills are some of the most sought after in business today since the education system is churning out so many graduates who can no longer write (too much abbreviations in texting?) or present complete thoughts.
------
That's about it....although I'm sure other people can offer additional points of view. I hope you find it useful. And I'll just close with these two points.
1. I encourage others of my readers to add to this list your sage advice as I can't claim to know it all...or even most of it...in particular - Manager Mom, Kiki, Chick, Amybow...what do you all think?
2. HIRE MRS. G! She'd be an asset, I'm sure, to any organization. But don't expect her to settle. You have to offer her a great opportunity.
-----
Got any other questions for me? Post them here.
Saturday, May 24, 2008
I'm a Little Bored, Are You Bored?
So I really want to jumpstart my blogging again, but the ideas keep sliding out of my head. I really have to keep a notebook handy cuz it seems when I'm driving, or waking in the middle of the night, showering, or other necessary daily things is when I have a BRILLIANT idea, and then, in typical Wenderina fashion, when I hit the keyboard, I'm blank.
So I'm taking a tip from some of my favorite bloggers and asking you to de-lurk and ask me some questions - no question is too stupid to answer...however I do not vouch for the level of intelligence in my response.
So I'm taking a tip from some of my favorite bloggers and asking you to de-lurk and ask me some questions - no question is too stupid to answer...however I do not vouch for the level of intelligence in my response.
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