Moments with LuLa

LuLa is code for my friend Laura.  She is one of my favorite people in the entire world and I miss her ass being my next door neighbor every damn day.  It's pretty funny to think that we were actually neighbors for only about 2 years, I think, and she has NOT been my neighbor for more like 15 years.  But I will always put her in that best friend/best neighbor category.

I love her so much I'm even ok with the not so great picture of the two of us where she is holding her cigarette (WHICH I HATE!) behind her for our photo.  Look at my double chin!  Look at my long scraggly hair.  But look at those grins...those grins are totally what happen when we are together.

LuLa never comments on this blog...but she reads it religiously.  And I know that because on the rare occasions we do manage to hook up by phone or even more rarely in person, she references every single post.  I mean, she remembers stuff I have totally forgotten I wrote.  And she does it in this stream of consciousness kind of way that leaves me breathless.

For Example...on a call just this week....

"Loved your home office. Those guitars look great. I love how you hung Selma's paintings. And my bathroom design is really coming along.  I decided to just use the one neutral color on the ceiling and the walls and I was like, oh crap I paid good money for this other gallon of paint, but you know it really was too much color for what I wanted.  I totally get what you mean about the cable company and the tv.  I totally had to call Bullshit the other day when they gave me the 'FREE' new box and now I have a worse picture than before the new box AND they are charging me like $7.95 a month for it.  I'm heading to Paris next week, to Carolina right after that, and I really want to talk more about your Venice plans.  I owe you money for the Cape trip, right?  I'm going to help Nana unpack at the house because that is the house that MAN and I will be staying at when we are visiting and it's only fair.  She'll need help with boxes and window treatments and stuff.  Nana fell last week and really banged her head. I'm glad SISTER is there to help her out, but I really feel guilty not being there. How is your Uncle doing? His PT going well?  So tell me about your job.  How is merger going?  You have a lot going on right?  Me too.  Someone I work with quit and I've got so many new things to do and all this time off I'm taking...."

And imagine not a breath between sentences...or paragraphs.

Don't get me wrong.  These calls are my total joy in life.  But it cracks me up that after an hour on the phone, I come back to sit with Hubby and he's like, "What's new with LuLa??" and I seem to cover it in about 2 minutes.  "You talked for an hour and that's all you've got?" 

Well no.

But it's all I've retained.

LuLa is the BEST wingwoman too.  I used to take her to every social event I was invited to because without her I would shyly walk in and sit to the side and watch people gathering and talking...maybe I'd gravitate and hold on fast to the one person I might know well. LuLa would walk in, take command of the room, know everyone, everyone's story, and everyone's brother and his story by 1 hour in.  Then 6 months later she would be like, "How's Joe's mother doing? Did her hip surgery work out? and Did Janine's brother ever marry the nanny? How about Sue's diet, how is that going?  Seemed crazy to me that she was only eating grapefruit, but she said she'd never felt better.  And Alice's ingrown toenail?"  I'm not kidding.  Meanwhile these people were supposed to be my social circle and I don't even know who she was talking about.  If ever I get up the guts to meet some Bloggy friends, I'm totally flying her in.  Don't worry, it won't be awkward.  She will know every post on your site, I promise.

And don't get me started about LuLa and her MAN.  Suffice it to say, this has been a long strange trip and I'm just happy they seem to be happy in their new status and place. 

So we're trying to convince LuLa (and her MAN) to join us in Venice.  In fact, I want her so much as my wingwoman that I'm considering changing the dates of our trip.  Strolling arm and arm with my best friend/best neighbor through the streets of Venice and Florence sounds like a glorious once in a lifetime opportunity.  Of course the men can come too.  I mean we love each other, but we need to make googly eyes in the gondolas at the men in our lives.  Then leave them behind to go arm and arm on to the museums, shops, sites, and so forth.

Sounds like a plan.

{LuLa I hope you are laughing as you read this....I'm sure we'll talk about it - breathlessly - soon}

When a Friend is Sad

I have a friend that came to me through Hubby. In many ways she is like a twin to me. Our likes and dislikes, the very near overlapping of our birthdays, our careers, our love of theatre and old things, our love for quiet artistic men (like my Hubby and hers), and our enjoyment of an occasional fruit juice and vodka concoction. Because of schedules and well, just life, we see each other rarely - a few times a year, maybe a little more. When we are together we laugh a lot. Because she is funny and quirky and sweet and smart and all those things that make a great friend. But my friend often suffers. My friend is often sad.

She has burdens that are both physical and emotional. She has scars. She has pain. She has troubles. She never lets it overcome her - at least not in my presence - but she suffers and we see it. And I struggle, because I like to solve problems and she has problems I cannot solve.

Last night we talked. We talked medicine and theory. We talked stress and economy. We talked of work and life. We talked of weather and food. We talked of houses and gardens and chores. We talked of travel and music. We talked about baby showers and bridal showers and family.

Her voice spoke lightly, but I heard the strain.

Tonight we are going, with our sweet artistic hubbies, to see a local photographer's slide show under the stars. We'll talk and laugh and enjoy the art together. We'll grab a bite and a drink at a nearby tavern afterwards. We'll part at the end and see each other again in a few weeks, or more likely months. And I won't really have been able to help her. And she won't really burden me with her troubles. But I'll feel her pain.

We'll part as always with a long, lingering embrace. And all I can hope is she'll feel my support.

For Chelle on her 42nd Birthday

Once upon a time, Wenderina shared a homeroom with Chelle and became BFFs (before there even was such an acronym)...

They were inseparable really. In fact, the idea that Chelle's parents might send her to Catholic school for high school reduced both of them to tears (and created a small earthquake at Wenderina's home when her mom read a note between Chelle and Wenderina and thought that the word Mooney - the name of the school - was Money - and wondered what mischief these two thirteen year olds were up to!)

Wenderina thought she was SO COOL at 13 (not) and was amazed that Chelle was interested in being her friend.


The Catholic school crisis averted, together Chelle and Wenderina navigated the dangerous waters of public high school, experiencing embarrassing moments, minor flirtations, a few devastating crushes, sweet sixteen birthdays, some camping trips and vacations, Young Life (what we think of as a pre-internet social network), Pat Benatar!!!, Journey!!!!, proms, first loves, and - oh yeah - a few classes here or there.




Not the least of their friendship was Wenderina's admiration in Chelle's ability to look like Gene Simmons - complete with natural widow's peak and earily long lizard-like tongue.

Wenderina and Chelle spent many hours rocking to Pat Benatar, Journey, REO Speedwagon, and other great 80's bands. They agreed there was nothing better than "Hit Me with Your Best Shot" sung at top volume into hairbrush/microphones.

They worked together as editors on the Senior Class yearbook. Which makes looking back on those yellowed pages filled with meaningless notes from friends about "friends 4-ever" etc. that much funnier and more nostalgic.


"Who ARE these people???", they both proclaim..."Why don't we remember them???"

The last year of high school was different for these two fast friends. Chelle had fallen in love - real love - and Wenderina was unattached. Chelle fell in love with her BLIND DATE to the Junior Prom. Wenderina thought that was unbelievable.

At the time Wenderina was jealous, but looking back, what else would be expected of a first love?

When the college years came, they were convinced nothing could keep them apart. But, alas, those years broke the habit of daily contact, which started the inevitable breach.

Chelle married right after college - that first love became her only love - and moved to Florida. Wenderina was engaged herself, and married one year later and settled in New York. They even selected the same song for their first dance as married women - Taylor Dane's I'll Always Love You. But, the distance took its toll, and the everyday friendship became christmas cards and rare phone calls.

A few years ago, Chelle and her hubby were in New York City for a short vacation and Wenderina took the train in to spend the day hanging out. It was a chance for them to re-connect and amazingly, they picked up right where they left off - no awkward silences, no difficult moments - just easygoing hanging out buddies all over again.

But still...the connection was fragile and didn't really penetrate the miles.

Last year, Chelle suffered a loss no one should have to deal with - the loss of her younger sister in a tragic accident. But, as happens in the worst situations, something good may have come from it. Chelle and Wenderina found the bond again. Finally, the friendship grew out of the christmas card club. Separated by many miles and many state borders, they are slowly finding their way back to a time when neither goes a day without thought of the other.

This October, Chelle celebrates her 42nd birthday and to mark the occasion, the two enjoyed a weekend of bliss and blisters walking many a city block in NYC. Together again, they chatted and giggled and sighed and smiled and compared wrinkles and gray hairs that were never there before.

"Where did that line in the middle of our foreheads come from, anyway?"

They found their friendship again while the NY Public Library, the International Center for Photography, the Metropolitan Museum of Art, Rockafeller Center, 5th Avenue, Time Square, the Pig & Whistle, NY Penn Station, the #6 train, Starbucks, NY Pizza joints, Grand Central Station, and Broadway all served as backdrop.

Little did Chelle and Wenderina picture they would journey from the suburbs of Upstate NY to hanging out on the streets of Manhattan.

Wenderina personally has trouble remembering many of the details of high school. Chelle does a good job filling in the blanks, with a few gaps herself. But all in all, what matters most, is they both remember that they couldn't have survived it without the other.

Love you Chelle - through thick (a.k.a. thunder) thighs and thin, through loves and losses, through home life and work strife, and everything in between.

You are the best.

Have a wonderful 42nd year!

Ah....Spa....

In a few short hours I'll be meeting one of my best friends in the world...and then we'll be driving to pick up another best friend...and then onward we go north north north to Lake Placid, and we'll end here:

The Mirror Lake inn Resort & Spa

Where we may do this....

And for sure we'll do this...

And we've already reserved this...

And we'll be searching for a bit of this...


But mainly, this weekend is about this...

Cuz the last one of us has finally met her match. And wedding bells are ringing on October 31st. This is the celebration (and mourning) of the last of our single days. And about damn time too. Just in time for the rest of us to start searching for Husband #2 (just kidding babe).

Friendship Stages

Think back to the 1980s and the Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal hey-day of "When Harry Met Sally". Hear the Harry Connick Jr. soundtrack playing great Sinatra standards. Remember the scene where Harry sees Sally in the airport and gives her his view on how she was seen off by her boyfriend because it was obviously early in the relationship when love was still blooming. Feel his cynicism as he describes the stages of every relationship.

Friendships are just the same.

In the early years its all about Falling In Like with someone new. You are discovering their story, interested in every detail of their life, mapping similarities and excited by the differences.

Eventually the friendships start to evolve to a stage of Confessions & Indiscretions. You learn about the darker side of your friend, their history, their relationships, their little secrets, and you find this deepens the relationship.

Comfort & Stability comes next. The friend is a part of your daily routine, your regular schedule, your normal life ebbs and flows in rhythm with theirs.

But then comes the real test. You are comfortable in your relationship. You know history, you're involved in the day-to-day strife, you may even be in one another's wills and be named as guardians for dependents. And this is where the Favors & Moves stage kicks in. It starts gradually, in such small increments it actually sneaks up on you. Can you help me with an errand? Can you drop off my books at the library? When you go to the store, would you pick me up a gallon of milk? And they repay you in kind. Sometimes even going above and beyond, with a quick call to you, "Hey, I'm at the store and saw X,Y, Z and I know you need it/want it - I'll buy it for you and you can pay me later." High gear happens when the casual mention of, "Hey, we're moving next month." comes up in conversation.

This? is your opportunity to turn and run. If you don't, you're in it for life and you've now decided the friendship is worthy of the highest level of commitment.

Yesterday, I helped some friends move. This is actually the third move I've helped them with (actually two previous with friend and hubby #1, this was my first with hubby #2). I missed one move with her because my father-in-law was in the hospital and I've never lived it down. THIS is the level of commitment required for the Favors & Move stage. Family hospitalization is NOT a get out of jail free card.

Because this is a later-in-life stage move, it involved professional movers. Ain't it grand to have a healthy checkbook at our age? Oh Joy, I thought. The hard labor will be handled by the pro's and we'll be sipping lemonade and pointing them in the right direction. And when I first arrived, this actually seemed to be what was in store for us. Then, as the day wore on, we realized there were so many things to do and we needed to kick into gear.

Suffice it to say, by 10:30PM - nearly 12 hours after I had arrived at the move site - the movers were JUST arriving at the new house with their 2nd (and final) FULL truck. My love for my friends had kept me going all day, but I have to admit, at that point, I was done. After putting in 4 hours at my office, I had helped with errands, kids, lunches, beverages, cleaning, packing, fridge/perishables, small boxes, odd-shaped unboxable items, setting up bed frames, unwrapping furniture blankets, garbage detail, area rug/room layouts, and the biggest job was calming, soothing, cajoling, advising, and entertaining to keep my friend on an even keel for the much longer haul she had in front of her. I had muscle pains, blisters, bruises and a headache by the time I left, but I still felt guilty as I knew they had another 4-6 hours ahead of them, not to mention the unpacking for the next three months.

Today, as my work day blew up all around me and I'm realizing I need to work well into the night to complete my deadlines for tomorrow I know I could have used that time yesterday to the advantage of my career. But the truth is, any friend who can look at me through those stages of friendship and hang in there through it all, is worth all the time, effort, and, yes, even the bruises.

I'm in it for life. And that's o.k. Because they are too. And that's the beauty of a true friendship.