Tuesday, November 17, 2009

What Kind of Snob Are You?

I've come to realize I'm high-class in attitude only.

Today at lunch, I strolled the Whole Foods with BL (Boss Lady) and I was totally intimidated. By the selection of high-falluting foods and accessories, by the wealthy SAHMs and their kids in designer strollers and their coach diaper bags, by the number of foods that I could not identify by package or even by name. Give me a good old Stop & Shop with kraft food products, pre-packaged dinners, and aisle-side coupon dispensers. I'll take my A&P with bright flourescent lighting and give back the flattering subdued soft light and quaint floor tiles of Whole Foods.

The truth is, I'm such a snob, that I need to be able to shop in a place where I can look DOWN on the the shopping conditions. I need to be able to laugh at the mis-spellings on the aisle signs, snort in disgust when I can never find someone at the meat counter, and dispair at the quality of the 99-cent greeting cards. It does not serve my interests to feel "less than" when I am shopping for frozen pizza and bagged salad.

This is likely the reason I don't shop at Nordstroms either. At Kohls, Target, Macy's or Annie Sez there is piped in scratchy pop music - at Nordstrom's there is a live piano player - seriously? a live piano player? I mean THAT is intimidating.

I have a lovely woman who has been cleaning my home for the past 7 years. I cannot be home when she is there, because I can live with the snobbishness of having someone scrub my toilets, but I cannot be there to observe it and feel like I am contributing to a class society.

I can take a car service to the airport, but I have to carry my own bags and I have to be chatty cathy with the drivers (despite the language gaps), because despite my sense of entitlement in being driven curbside to curbside for my own convenience I can't possibly be rude enough to treat the driver as a second class citizen.

My clothes are mostly 10 years old. My shoes are from Payless. I do my own nails because I haven't been able to find a salon where I feel comfortable having someone else clean my nails and scrub dead cells from the bottom of my feet. My quality jewelry is hand-me-down or gifts, or else it cost less than $10/piece and turns my neck green. I throw money at problems and at people, but can't seem to put it into quality when it requires walking into a fancy store.

My friends buy coach bags. I buy pleather.

Yet I have a diva attitude that just won't quit.

I think I am quite the strangest snob on the planet.


JeannetteLS said...

Thank you for that. I just forwarded to my best friend and we were on the floor laughing. At you, not at us. Of course. We're above it all ourselves.

Thank you.

AmyBow said...

i am a cheap snob. i want it all, but i don't want to pay full-price.

Kate Hanley said...

I pretty snobby about my intelligence. I think I'm smarter than a lot of people...and then...a neighbor comes over and fixes my sink and my mixer and I go, "oh, there's more than one kind of intelligence." Great post.

Chelle said...

its called a good upbringing!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I have a little bit of that, but certain things I've overcome. I have great handbags, shoes and I do manicures.

But when I used to have a cleaning lady I could only be home if I was cleaning too--tackling a closet or something. I guess I didn't want her to think I was lazy.

mkosboth said...

Muuuuultiiii paaaass! That made me laugh out loud when you left that comment on my blog. That pops into my head more than I would like to admit. And this post cracked me up. I have a rage against Whole Foods. I do love Coach bags, but I buy them on ebay. I am probably getting fake bags, but I don't really care. They are leather, they look good and they are way less than retail!

Anonymous said...

Bwahaahahaaa...I am SO right there with you!