Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I tend toward the Melancholy

In my life the most vivid memories I have are of the deeply sad moments of my life.  I think this could be reassuring to my mom, since my memories are pretty sparse from my childhood - but maybe that's because I was a full-time content kid.  But give me something to be sad about, and it's burned in.

Today is the 8th anniversary of my father's death.  His last 24 hours feel like they were yesterday in my memory.  While the sadness has faded to a dull ache now and again, those hours in the hospital will never fade.

One year ago this month we said goodbye to my cousin Brian. A life cut short when cancer ravaged his body two years after receiving a kidney transplant.

And this weekend we must send off a favorite aunt who has lived a full life, but who lost her husband too young and then had to struggle to battle Parkinson's for the last 15 years.

Tomorrow night?  They are predicting up to 7 inches of snow in our area.  Seriously?  Is this an April Fool's joke?

Add to this the extreme work pressures right now - with my manager out on medical leave, the MERGER manager out on medical leave, two staff people coping with ailing spouses, and a recent resignation that shorted us some much needed help, and we're really struggling to hold on to the wheel. 

I know I tend to the melancholy, to the glass half empty, but I'm trying not to be melodramatic. I'm trying to STAY POSITIVE as is my continuing mantra for the year.  But wow.   This month is about ready to be torn out of my calendars for all the years that come.

I guess the positive in this moment is "That which does not kill you makes you stronger".


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I hope the melancholy passes soon.

Chelle said...


Susan said...

Oh how I understand what you are feeling - and it will get better. Hold on.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like March is not your favourite month, and hasn't been for many years. Still, it will be over soon and your mood won't last forever, either. Try to be kind to yourself!

JeannetteLS said...

February is the month it catches me by the heart... I suspect many of us have months when we tend MORE toward the melancholy than others. I vaccilate between being grateful I was witness to my dad's passing and wishing I'd chosen my siblings' route of hiding until the end... ultimately, even though some years it just hits like a tidal wave, I remember that it only hits so hard because I loved him so much. Sounds as if love is at the root of yours, too. Maybe your April be kinder to you.

Anonymous said...

A colleague at work once turned to me with a sigh and said: "Did you ever have one of those lifetimes?" I truly do try to think positively as much as possible. Maybe it works. I try to think it does. Meanwhile, I'll reiterate what Chelle offered and extend a hug.Oh, and negative anniversaries are always tough.