In my life the most vivid memories I have are of the deeply sad moments of my life. I think this could be reassuring to my mom, since my memories are pretty sparse from my childhood - but maybe that's because I was a full-time content kid. But give me something to be sad about, and it's burned in.
Today is the 8th anniversary of my father's death. His last 24 hours feel like they were yesterday in my memory. While the sadness has faded to a dull ache now and again, those hours in the hospital will never fade.
One year ago this month we said goodbye to my cousin Brian. A life cut short when cancer ravaged his body two years after receiving a kidney transplant.
And this weekend we must send off a favorite aunt who has lived a full life, but who lost her husband too young and then had to struggle to battle Parkinson's for the last 15 years.
Tomorrow night? They are predicting up to 7 inches of snow in our area. Seriously? Is this an April Fool's joke?
Add to this the extreme work pressures right now - with my manager out on medical leave, the MERGER manager out on medical leave, two staff people coping with ailing spouses, and a recent resignation that shorted us some much needed help, and we're really struggling to hold on to the wheel.
I know I tend to the melancholy, to the glass half empty, but I'm trying not to be melodramatic. I'm trying to STAY POSITIVE as is my continuing mantra for the year. But wow. This month is about ready to be torn out of my calendars for all the years that come.
I guess the positive in this moment is "That which does not kill you makes you stronger".