Ok. So. I am 40 years old...and anxiety has been my friend for most of those years. Since I've shunned therapy for all 40 of those years, I decided to try blogging as a journaling technique to explore my inner psychoses. In typical anxiety fashion, I both hope no one will ever read this, and yet I fear no one will ever read this. After all, if a blogger blogs in a forest....
Today I think I'll start small and reassure anyone who does stumble in to my forest that I'm not completely paralyzed by anxiety and housebound in fear of any society contact. I'm actually pretty highly functional. I hold down a good job, I manage 10 people, I'm happily married, and overall have a pretty normal life. So what, you may ask, is the reason the subject of my blog is anxious moments. I guess it's kind of my way of recognizing they're there - underlying everything I do, say, think, and feel. The why, as my friend SPENCE would tell me, is the real thing I'm afraid of facing.
So hopefully, journaling out there on the web for everyone to read will start to help me dig out the why, find a little enlightment, I'm sure some wry amusement, and maybe a co-dependent or two.
3 comments:
Highly functional is such an understatement. You are exceptionally capable and have a definite air of having your wits about you at all times. Not to sweep away your internal anxiety, but maybe giving yourself more credit would be a start?
Amybow - you are too kind. And in this journey of self discovery maybe I do need to take some credit, if only for being able to give off the impression of calm capability when all inside is jello. Will you still take direction from me at work?
What a revelation that you have such anxieties - it just goes to show that still waters really do run deep. I would've described you as very confident, competent, and VERY put together. Definitely, certainly, absolutely give yourself more credit!
Post a Comment