Miss America Reality Check.....NOT!

I admit it. I got hooked by the great ad campaign for the Miss America Reality show and tuned in to most of the episodes. I not so secretly took pleasure in watching these women being mocked for their pageant...well...nonsense and 1950's sensibilities.

My favorite moments in the reality show were equaled by my disappointment in the actual pageant.

1. When "controversy" was the special guest at dinner. This session took the normal beauty pageant questions and turned them on their ear. Imagine their surprise when they were asked to discuss gay marriage, gun control, teenage sex/pregnancy, etc.? Not one of them could hide behind the "world peace" standard response.
   
   Actual pageant questions. LAME. LAME. LAME. They took "man on the street" questions. And I'm sorry America - but you people who actually stop and talk to microphones when they are stuck in your faces are just plain stupid. Those of us who are smart, see a microphone and WALK THE OTHER WAY! While there were a few moments where controversy might have been a possibility (discussion of STDs seems a little risque for Miss America) everyone did the usual dance around the issue.
   
   
2. Makeovers. HYS-TER-I-CAL. These women were astounded when they were told, you're beautiful BUT... cut your hair, too much makeup, dress better, less aqua net, smile less, walk better, get modern!!
   
   Actual pageant looks. Unbelievably they all came back with the big hair, heavy duty makeup, and silly struts that they had tried to lose in the reality show. In particular - one contestant who had a really radical look with super straight and funky bangs came out with that hideous camel hump roll in her bangs making her look like a throw-back from 30 years ago. Oh - and had to love the HUGE earrings that so go with tank tops and jeans.
   


3. Competitions. Similar to Survivor they had competitions to win them extra bonuses and to test their abilities. Some women were reduced to tears with the idea of having to (gasp) jump in a pool with their pageant swim suits. Gloryanna what the hell is with these women?
   
   Actual pageant competitions. Help me please. Who the hell told any of these women they have talent? The ballet dances were PAINFUL. The singing - a pretty close second. The batons, thankfully, were eliminated before they got a chance to twirl.
   
   
4. Evening Gowns. The show stressed modern looks. Simple lines. Hip. Trendy. Anything but the princess gowns dripping in sequins. At one point they were each given a turtleneck long sleeved gown they had to modify and accessorize to suit the feedback they got on what worked for their body type and current trends. Wow. These women demonstrated some serious lack of taste in that episode. But at least they weren't glaring sequins.
   
   Actual pageant gowns. Most were the same old same old. The winner actually wore an illusion gown that was pretty revealing, but the parts that weren't transparent were (you guessed it) dripping in sequins.
   
   
5. Hosts & Patter. I loved the host of the reality show - Michael Urie. He was funny without being mean (I was mean enough for both of us as I rudely snickered away), and he had some camera presence and some charm.
   
   Actual pageant hosts. LAME LAME LAME LAME LAME. Mark Steines seemed to be qualified purely by the fact that he married Miss USA 1993 or something. Clinton Kelly (What Not to Wear host)...had no qualifications. So, can I just say again...LAME?

I really have to say that between the lousy judge's panel and the bad overall production, Miss USA was pretty much as bad as ever as an entertainment show - possibly worse. If they were expecting to turn this into America's Next Top Model...well they failed. If they were expecting to turn this into a true scholarship program...they failed. If they were expecting to turn this into Cinderella...they still failed.

And as far as going modern? Well, bringing contestants out in jeans, making the losing contestants sit on the stage for the entire show and eat CARBS with Clinton Kelly, bringing parents up on stage to sit on bleachers, and using the Arnold Horschack (ooh oooh pick me pick me) mode for the Q&A just didn't spell modern to me.

Every contestant who seemed even remotely different/modern was chopped in the very first cutoff. I did like Miss Washington. She seemed quite intelligent, had a fair talent and at least sang a modern song vs. Over the Rainbow (ugh!), and was really up on today's issues. For a few moments, I also had hopes when Miss Utah made it into the top 16 by a popular vote from reality show viewers, but she missed out on the next cut from the judges.

At least she dropped to the stage and "gave us 10" (push-ups that is) before exiting. And several of her competitors joined her as well. Now THAT's a modern take.

Sadly, the crown yet again went to a blonde barbie doll cutout with a history of eating disorders and aspirations to become a broadway actress. How inspiring.