Thursday, March 5, 2009

To Say or Not to Say

Earlier this week I went on a rampage. A full out four-letter word rant about a member of my staff posted on this site.

It was warranted. It was cathartic. It was a gleeful experience.

It was probably also unwise. I deleted it.

While there are only a trusted few that I work with who read this little blog o' never know how things can get around. A random keyword search, as we all know, can take you to places you never dreamed. Given that my photo is everywhere on this site, it would be very quickly identified as my words should anyone stumble in.

Minnesota Matron is now censoring her blog because a family member just got a computer and indicated she was interested in getting into the internet blogging thing and searching on certain words that the Matron knows will beat a path to her door. Old posts about this relative are now disappearing as she seeks any entries she has created that might be hurtful or offensive - although they were never meant to be that.

Today, I had a meeting with the same person that I was ranting about two days ago. I was honest with her, in a much more diplomatic way, about my puzzlement (ahem...I said I was diplomatic) at her behavior, my expectations, my disappointment. I'm not sure it all sunk in...but it was at least a constructive conversation.

The other day the evening news cited a recent study that people who can show anger at work are healthier and more effective. Hubby has recently been told he needs to stop "mothering" his staff. I've been told alternatively that I expect too much from staff and just the opposite, that I'm too easy on my staff. This CNN Article says WOMEN who show anger at work are seen as being out of control. What can you do?

It comes down to the age old question of whether to say it or not. Is it going to solve anything to indicate disappointment? Is it going to change behavior? Is it, instead, going to de-rail something that isn't really THAT bad, but just not quite as good as you'd like it to be. Is it appropriate to put it in print...even somewhat anonymously? Is it better to stuff it all down into that hole in your stomach or blurt it out of that hole in your face?

Hopefully, you all have those trusted confidants who will patiently listen to your rants and will nod in total agreement and support with your frustration. They will offer you the confirmation you need that you are NOT crazy...and that everyone else is. They will not rat you out. They will not repeat your comments inappropriately. They will be there as your release valve.

They. Save. My. Life.

That way, even if you can't say it to the person directly - or at least from your emotional core - and you definitely can't put it in writing - at least with all the four letter expletives you are feeling - you can at least get it OUT.


Anonymous said...

This is a hard one for me-- the need to get it out, but at the same time, protect myself. I don't know if I will ever get to a 'comfortable middle'.

Kate Hanley said...

I think it's important to get it out but to whom? I've been known to complain about an actor after a rehearsal and then worry that my rantings got back to that actor. One has to be careful, I guess.

Ian Lidster said...

You offer some good wisdom here. I once made a comment on my blog about a female cousin's misbehavior once when she was in her teens -- real bad misbehavior. She is now in her early 50s and it never crossed my mind that she knew my blog existed. Even though I didn't name her, she knew my comment was about her. She was slightly less than amused and I was embarrassed.
Yes, a caveat to be circumspect is no doubt in order. I was also tempted once to make a comment on a male friend who was involved in a torrid affair while his wife was (and is) terminally ill, but I caught myself and never wrote that blog. Glad I didn't even though I think his behavior makes him lower than a snake.

The Expatresse said...

I am always VERY conscious that my in-laws . . . who are very devout and conservative . . . read my blog. I also have Bahai friends who do not drink (and do not approve of MY drinking). And then there are things I really rather The Spouse and my mother didn't know. But what can you do? If you edit too much, you lose your voice.

If you are familiar with, she explains somewhere on her blog how she first wrote all sorts of hurtful things and had to take down many entries.

I guess I need to wait for some of my dear ones to die before I can truly speak my mind.