Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Cliques

When you were in high school did you wear a label?  And no, I'm not talking about Calvin Klein jeans or Izod shirt labels.  (From this reference you also get my era of high school).  I am talking about the cool kid, jock, head, brain, or geek type label?  Once labeled, it was pretty tough to redefine yourself. No matter how much you might have yearned for a change over each long summer, by September you were back in the same alphabetical homeroom, the same locker, the same tattooed label etched into your forehead.

Somehow I had a hybrid kind of label..kind of a preppy geek/goody two shoes/(not so brainy) brain.

Most of my good friends were brains, but I couldn't lay claim to the top of the class straight A's to wear that label without modification.  I was a solid B student with minor flashes of brilliance when, according to my guidance counsellor and teachers, I actually applied myself.  The surprise on my guidance counsellor's face when I was among the very few Merit Scholarship winners was classic.

I was definitely a bit of a geek - always a little awkward and shy and terrified of major social events and public speaking. An oral report requirement would drive me into a frenzy of anxiety and a school dance was reason to pull deep into my shell and hope for a bad case of bronchitis to cancel out any need to gut-up and attend.

I thought maybe I might try to be a jock after a good friend discovered the Volleyball squad.  I figured this was a sport where my height was an advantage, but which did not require me to run hurly-burly up and back on the basketball court.  However, once I saw the level of effort the coach put the team to in training, I didn't even last to the 2nd day of try-outs. 

I was about as pure as you can get in high school. No drinking.  No drugs. No boys (well, relatively few and definitely nothing more than a little petting).  No breaking of the rules.  But I did lay claim to a few friends serendipitously seated by me in health class and study hall who were of the bad influence category.  You know the type - skin tight Jordache jeans, REO Speedwagon t-shirts, melted black eyeliner encasing their eyes, and the general aroma of smoke of various origins hovering around their vicinity.

Why am I talking about this long ago era?  Well, recently I was at a large group dinner at work and I thought about the dynamics of our own little work family.  The variety of backgrounds, cultures, ages, races, and genders was astonishing.  We all work together as a fairly unified force, yet here we are - the former (or not so former) geeks, the jocks, the loners, the brains, the cool kids.  Pretty much missing in action are the head cases, but there are still a few "like to party" types in the group. 

Barriers still appear.  Natural buddy groups arise.  I know I personally have a select group that rise above and help me truly enjoy my time at work.  And beyond the natural impulses of personality that create friendships, other common cultures align - the few men in our team cluster together.  The African American women in the group have a special bond - not excluding the rest of us, but I sense there is something that a few more generations will need to pass to eliminate completely.  The youth or under 30 set.  The management - burdened by a different set of rules and obligations.  The early-birds and the night owls - bound together simply by their bio rhythms and work hours.  The bagged lunch and the dine out sets.  The workaholics.  The slackers.  The parents and the childless.  The married.  The single.  The divorced.  The remarried.  The advancing.  The declining.

This week I'm attending an international conference where there are people from all over the world coming together to discuss a common business.  The best people in the field are here.  No doubt some of the most brilliant minds of our generation.  And yet,  despite our age and wisdom, we are not much better than those original high school students.  We wear labels, and we place labels on others. We create cliques. We determine popularity. We create cool tables and outliers.  We isolate, and we embrace, with very capricious nature. 

I wonder sometimes if we ever will outgrow our cliques?  Or perhaps we need to create one more label.   A new brand, per se.  Let's not call it a clique, let's call it a NETWORK.


Kate Hanley said...

Nice post and I agree cliques still exist. I saw a short movie years ago called Dodgeball (not the feature film at all) set in an office where everyone was defined by their high school persona and every afternoon they played dodgeball against each other. It was so funny.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I think you're right--but I do think we tend (hopefully) to get a little kinder and open to new members as we get older.

I was a sort-of jock/underachieving brain myself.

A's Mom said...

I like it.

Anonymous said...

In high school, we definitely all had labels, but we didn't always know what others labeled us, I think. I know that I was tremendously shocked to find, when chatting at a high school reunion, that because I had been a cheerleader, that I was considered very desirable! (Yet somehow I had few dates!) I certainly didn't see myself that way, though I was aware of my other labels ("A" student, francophile, easily embarrassed ...). I suppose it's still the same now, in the work world: we do group ourselves, but possibly entirely differently than others do.

Chelle said...

I am guilty of the skin tight jeans but that was about it, maybe you didn't know where to fit in back then, but you sure blossomed as an adult!

Susan said...

I was an undefinable than and now. I managed to have friends in all different groups and had a couple of BFFs in a moderatly socially group. I have managed through my many different work environments to fit in the same way. I avoid the people who gossip and keep myself a "free agent".

I agree with Jenn that being kind is the key, that and recognising the contributions of all members in a working environment.

Anonymous said...

You know, I'm not sure where I fit at the time. A couple of years ago a renewed acquaintance with an old high school friend prompted the comment: "Yeah, well you were part of the in crowd." I was? That was news to me. I guess I was sort of a 'fringe' guy who hovered around teh outside but had friends that were in. On the other hand, my best friend, who lived next door, was deemed to be a hood. So, who knew. You have me a lot of thought with that posting. I think I was largely a male version of who you say you were.