Blog Envy

I was starting to get cocky. I admit it. I've always considered myself a writer, and really, the only reason I haven't written that best seller yet is I don't have the time and energy after writing crappy marketing engineering stuff and stupid memos all day. Last couple of days, I've had lots of replies to my posts. Granted...I dragged people into my site by sending them my link, but they read it and replied, right?

Truth is, after surfing around some of the blogs out there, there are way better writers than me. Amybow would tell me I'm slipping back into that mode of being too hard on myself again. Maybe. Self-criticism, self-hatred, and self-examination are all things that go hand in hand. Honestly, I don't hate myself - but I'm beginning to get a little blog envy.

I'm learning that the way these blogs work is in some wierd way you connect these dots. I've always loved connecting dots so skipping around random blogs on a crazy path from someone I know, to someone who knows them, and so on is not really a stretch for me.

Ironically, I've stumbled into the mommy blog world. Me, the anti-parent. Don't get me wrong, I love kids! I even like to play with them...sometimes...when they are cute and not too sticky or whiney or stuff. I do NOT do diapers. Never have, never will. Luckily - my hubby has been on the same page with me from day one. No longing glances across the beach at the cute little girl in her day-glo swimsuit, no heavy sighs watching the fathers and sons at the ball park. We see, we appreciate, we even feel tender toward the scenes...we do not feel envy.

I'm rambling a bit here. But give me a break, as I said, I'm reeling from blog envy. There is one culprit in particular - That Chick Over There - from Jason. For the Love of God. Before I got off on a storytelling tangent above, I was mentioning the pathway through mommy blog world. I started with dear friend Amybow...love her blog because I learn more about her and her sweet baby every day. That led me to Shari...funny wacky...totally love her blog because I found so much common ground and same sense of humor (seriously - Death Toll: 3 was beyond brilliant) on a site about being a mom... Shari then led me to That Chick Over There. The first post I read - screamingly funny - about the horrible dumbing down of america evidenced by job applications and resumes. As an English major and semi-professional marketing writer - I found it horrifyingly hysterical. I clipped it out and forwarded it to colleagues (couldn't link to her blog because - gasp - they might find a way to traverse my crooked path back to me).

Back to Blog Envy (really W, stay on track here). So Chick, as we'll call her, sucked me in with the laughter. Then I did what I usually do in my totally anal way - I scrolled to the bottom of her archive and started reading...from Post #1. I figure anyone can score a good story at some point in time, but can you entice me to follow you through your journey day by day? Oh yeah. She definitely could. Almost 2 hours later, I've only gotten through November and December 2006 and I'm completely enthralled, and intimidated beyond belief.

Yeah...she's funny. But you know what, she's also incredibly honest and willing to share moments of such incredible beauty about her children and her life, and willing to share the ugliness that can creep into life too. I don't know Chick, but I do. I know she has had a hard life. I know she realizes she is luckier than most right now, but she is afraid of the frailty of that luck. I know she has talent and drive. I know she is insecure. I know she loves and is loved. She's had like 2,940 hits on her site. I've had 27.

Can you freaking believe this? I was afraid this Blog Stuff would be like Reality TV gone amok. I'm making it sound a little soap opera-y too. And yeah, sometimes it is both. But to get a glimpse into people's lives this way and see real honesty out there...amazing.

So, I thought - I can't blog anymore...I can't possibly compete. What do I have to say? Chick has written 12,000 words of her first novel (as of December 2006, by now she may be publishing!) and I'm trembling at posting a note.

But here I am. All my anxiety (that is my overall theme right?) out there for the world, and I'm gonna keep blogging, dammit.

Post-script: Weird blogging coincidences.

WBC #1
1. Sent a reply to one of Shari's posts today at 9/21 10AM
2. Received an email notification that Shari (who I've never met and only linked up to in blogging this week) posted a reply to my site today at 9/21 9:45AM.

WBC #2
1. Tripped into Chick's site (mommy blog linking)
2. She works in the same industry - environmental field - as I do.

WBC #3
1. We are ALL diet soda fanatics...hmmmm