Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Pet Peeve Rants...Just for Fun

{with a nod to the Open Letter Format that Chick does so beautifully - thanks for the idea on how to rant effectively and hopefully with a little entertainment value}

Dear BMW Driver in front of me last night:
If you must smoke, please keep your smoke to yourself. I avoid smoke everywhere else, I don't see any reason to take it in on the highway. And stop flicking your butts out the window to bounce off my hood. I know your car is better and more expensive than mine, but my car is not your ashtray.

Dear Cubicle Neighbor:
Please install a volume control. I do not enjoy listening to your dysfunctional family screaming matches, your incompetent landscaper and budget issues, your credit card company and money management problems, and your very personal health challenges. Too much information.

Dear Hyundai Driver behind me this morning:
Chickie - you have a car with CLEAR windows. Please do not pick your nose for 10 minutes, especially when traffic is stopped. I assure you that we understand that you are bored, but we in the surrounding cars are bored too and we are all watching you. Do like the rest of us and wait until you are moving at 75 mph at night when it's harder to witness.

Dear Disgruntled Co-Worker:
Grow up. You are the problem. We are NOT the problem. And calling in sick the day after your review just further demonstrates your immaturity and justifies all of the criticism we have given.

Dear Company Executives:
Yes I am good at my job. Yes you love me. I'm happy you do. However, I am not 10 people. Please slow down your requests or I will have to stage a sick-out like Disgruntled Co-Worker.

Dear Municipal Garbagemen:
I feel for you. You have a sucky job. But, if you don't mind, I would personally prefer not to find bits and pieces of my recycling and garbage strewn across my garden after your pickup. Perhaps you could try to get ALL of the items into your truck and then leave the bins right side up. Oh, and if possible, could it not be blocking my entrance to the driveway?

Dear Conference Call Participants:
Please learn conference call etiquette. Please dial in at the appointed time, not 10 minutes in and ask for a recap. Please do not take calls on one of your other phones while still on the call. We can hear you and we think you are talking to us. Please refrain from putting the conference call on hold. While the musical interlude may be enjoyable, it has a minor disruptive quality to the business purpose of the call! And lastly, please locate your mute button. It is well-labeled in the center of your phone. Use it. A lot.

Dear Plumber:
I love you. You are very helpful. But I'm so out of money. Can you please not visit my house any time in the next 2 years so I can recover?

Dear Clock & Calendar:
STOP! Just STOP! I can't keep up anymore.

That is all.


KiKi said...

I am sooo sorry that your cubicle neighbor uses speakerphone for every call, even to talk to people who sit a mere five feet away.

I am also sooo glad I know how to use a mute button during a conference call because right now I am laughing my ass off.

I am sooo glad you are writing again.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

That is enough!

A's Mom said...

Sounds like someone needs a vacation. When are you going to the cape again??