Tuesday, August 4, 2009

A woman and her shoes

Last week, one of the VPs came to us with an odd question.

"What size shoe do you ladies wear."

Boss Lady and I exchanged a look and then I said...

"Whyyyyy??" (severe elevation of tone at the end of that one word question)

Blushing, he replied, "Well, I have to take a woman from [Merger Company] to a site visit and safety rules require that she wear hard soled shoes. She didn't bring any with her and I was hoping you might wear the same size."

Men don't get women and shoes. They don't get the fact that most women would NEVER loan out their shoes. Even ugly hard sole hiking shoes. They are OUR SHOES you know?? Also - asking a woman her shoe size - unless she is a perfect sample size 7 or smaller is like asking her weight or her age. Who's f-ing business is that anyway???

But, ever helpful Wenderina took a breath and proclaimed proudly, "I'm a 9...well maybe a 9 1/2. Ok....mostly I'm a 10." (and not in a Bo Derek kind of way).

"Good - she's a 9...that should work...can you bring in some shoes."

Well now I'm boxed in. Boss Lady had raised eyebrows and I could hear her projecting into my mind - "You got yourself into this....you get yourself out."

Needless to say, I didn't get myself out of it. So I came home, dug out my hard-soled hiking boots and realized they were dusty and grimy. I cleaned them and since they were a little damp put them out in the sun to dry.

This was a fine plan, until I went to sleep Saturday night and awoke to a Monsoon on Sunday. I grabbed the shoes and dried them with a towel and left them to dry....again. By Monday morning - the day of delivery - they were still damp but I determined leaving them in the car on a hot sunny day would quickly finish the drying job.

I reported to the VP I had, in fact, managed to remember the shoes and we could transfer them to his car later that day.

(you just know there's a kicker to this story right....oops no pun intended)

When I went out to my car later that day I opened the door and WHOA NELLY...I was knocked over by a noxious odor. I opened the bag with the shoes and took one out - it seemed fine....then I took the other out....

HOLY CRAP....or HOLY PISS is more like it.

Something had pissed in my shoe.

I debated about how to get out of this rather embarrassing situation. I had already reported I brought the shoes in. So - honesty was the policy of choice.

After relating my story, VP said, "Um...ok...I guess I'm going to Payless."

Why didn't I suggest that in the beginning? I don't know. But since he got ME to bring in my shoes...I said, "Since she's only wearing them once, you can bring them in and I'll take them when she's done."

A woman and her shoes, you know?


KiKi said...

WOW. Just WOW.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I thought she needed the shoes that minute. The whole thing is a little odd . . . wouldn't you have run to Payless yourself? Did you get to meet her?

AmyBow said...

Love it! What did he end up picking out?

Jude said...

That was a Great story! you REALLY need to write that into a magazine.....even if it was true, it makes for a fantasic story...I enjoyed reading it, wondering how you were going to pull it all off!

Chelle said...

Great story gald I didn't have to smell it!

Anonymous said...

That's bound to piss a body off.

Anonymous said...

That's hilarious! So are you ever going to wear those hiking boots again, yourself??

Wenderina said...

Kiki: Right?

Jenn: She had travelled in from out of the country and so needed the shoes for a planned visit...never met her - and I'm glad I didn't have to relate the story to her!

Amybow: No idea. Guess we'll see if he brings me the shoes or not.

Jude: thanks sis - scout's honor the entire story is true.

Chelle: I wish I didn't have to smell it either.

Mr. Writeon: Yes indeed. Especially given the fact below.

Pinklea: I totally tossed those shoes - fabric shopping bag and all. Yuck.