Separate but Equal

This post is not about what you think it is about. This is about one day. One day in a solid and happy marriage. Specifically it is about this Saturday in my marriage.

When we awoke on Saturday we saw, an unusual thing stretched before us. A found day. Yes there were errands to run. Yes, blackberries needed to be monitored. But the sun was shining. Work needs were less than anticipated. And we had no real obligations except to our own purposes. We sat eating breakfast and thought about what we wanted to do for the day.

Hubby was keen on finding a cave called the Stone Church and photographing it. Wenderina was focused on finalizing her bridesmaid duties by ordering dress, slip, sash, shoes, and then checking out some end of summer sales for seasonal clothing.

We went our separate ways and promised that the first one headed home would take care of picking up groceries for dinner.

For a day spent completely separated - by 10AM we were both on our way in opposite directions - I felt very in tune with Hubby. It was a cheerful and relaxing day for both of us. By mid afternoon we figured out I was closest to grocery store so I took that on. Hubby arrived home after 5:30 and took on the cooking duties while I lounged by the pool. We sat down for dinner and talked about our day and it was lovely.

I thought about how the day might have gone if one or the other of us had been dragged into the agenda of our spouse for the sake of spending some found time together. I doubt it would have ended so well. So even though we spent many hours apart, we were equal in our enjoyment and in sync with one another.

I accomplished my goals - the dress and duties are done. Hubby accomplished his (check out his photos!). And in the end we came together to share the happy results of our day. Sometimes separate but equal works.

I Interrupt the VOTE VOTE VOTE Theme...

...to bring you this important message.

Our friend Cathy got married. Last night. On All Hallow's Eve. And it was simply lovely. She was simply stunning. Their happiness was palpable.

At 42, she is walking down the aisle for the first time, taking the plunge, believing in the fairy tale.

We were so happy to be there to witness it!

We even texted and sent photos to friends who couldn't be there as the bride watched!

And she repaid us with a rousing rendition of our college theme song - Meatloaf's Paradise by the Dashboard Lights. A cautionary tale for marriage to be sure, but sung at the top of our lungs all in fun.

"I've got to know right now! Do you love me? Will you love me forever? Do you need me? Will you never leave me? Will you make me so happy for the rest of my life, will you take me away, will you make me your wife? I gotta know right now! Before we go any further, do you love me? Will you love me forever??"

It is with humble appreciation that I watch this woman - fully-formed, independent, and successful, join her life to another fully-formed, independent, and proud soul, knowing that they must learn to share, to compromise, to serve one another first before themselves, and to grow together. I can't imagine the amount of change they will need the fortitude to commit to, but I'm sure Cathy has the willpower and the smarts, and most importantly the heart, to do it.

Best wishes Cathy and Mike on your new life together.

And just in case the willpower to cooperate and compromise breaks down, we all chipped in to get you a fine wine membership - two great bottles each month for the first year - which will help to grease the gears. Take it from three old married couples (one couple not pictured as they were home trick or treating!) it could help...and couldn't hurt.

We love you.

Two Posts on Sunday totally catches me up...right?

I'm falling down all over this NaBloPoMo. Good think I didn't sign up for the 50,000 word novel thing...geez....

Anyway - for the last several days I've been thinking about that good-bad movie, "Shall We Dance". I have no idea why, except for the one haunting thing that I remember from that movie...the Susan Sarandon speech about why people get married.

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness'."

(Glad I found the clip - posted above - Susan Sarandon's delivery of this speech is incredible.)

I've always thought this was one of the best representations of what marriage really is. Think about it, your relationship begins with attraction - physical, spiritual, intellectual - whatever turns you on. Passion joins it and falling in love - the greatest drug on earth. But what sustains a marriage? A deep and abiding caring for the other person. A commitment to share your life with them and theirs with you.

Why this topic on this day? I found myself rummaging through a box of old family photos today and I came up with several of weddings and married couples in my family. Not all of my family has been lucky in love...and several of my friends have hit some rough patches as well. But those magical WORKING marriages (and I do mean work) that I've seen inspire me every day to appreciate my own, and to remember that quote.

I like the idea that I am witnessing my love's life. I like the idea that he is witnessing mine. We don't have children. When we are gone, there will be little physical evidence that we were here. But our lives did not go unnoticed, because we have been here for one another.