Shiksa in the Temple!

So - last week was THE Bat Mitzvah.





We arrived and got the word from my sister-in-law that we had a reading to do.


This. was. news. to. me.


Now I'm not shy about public speaking. Despite having avoided it for much of my earlier years, at some point something clicked in my brain, and now I couldn't care less. However, most of my speaking is in business environments where I know my topic, my environment, and my audience. A temple where people talk about...you know...God and stuff, is NOT my comfort zone. But I love my niece and decided to go with the flow.


The flow, however, did not include rehearsal, a program, or any other guidelines except a little crib sheet of what we were to say (English responses or translations of Hebrew phrases) and that we should listen for a part of the service where a specific phrase was said.


Been to a Bat Mitzvah lately? There is a book. You start on page 121 or some such and it goes for 2 hours.


TWO. WHOLE. HOURS.

Are we in the first 30 minutes, I wondered? the second? the end? No one could seem to answer me. The result was hubby and I were two of the most avid listeners in the joint that day... waiting with bated breath for the phrase to arise. We thought we had a general idea about it, but they occasionally skipped sections, or something that looked like a reading became a chant with repeating verse, etc. We were a little lost.


Finally the phrase was spoken and we dutifully rose, as if on a well-rehearsed cue, and made our way to the altar (is it an altar in temple?) See this picture below? This picture was taken on Thursday BEFORE the event. I can assure you that the Rabbi was not in attendance or I would not be touching the Torah....not a Shiksa like me!








I had reviwed the reading in advance with hubby and split the sections so that I minimized my "God" stuff. I tried to stick with phrases about spirit, humanity, community, etc. I don't think they would have liked me to go off script and say something about organized religion being the death of humanity and morality in the world.


Luckily, despite my non-believer status, the roof did not crash down upon us.


Thinking back upon my 13-year old self, I cannot imagine a greater torture than having to learn to read another language and then to conduct a service for two hours in front of family, friends, and relative strangers (or strange relatives) in that language. Yet MK took it all in stride. In fact, she reveled in it. Her Hebrew was nearly flawless and she was praised by all in attendance as having performed one of the most flawless Bat Mitzvah celebrations ever (this to the groans and exclamations of many 30-40 year olds in the audience who felt they were being maligned and discounted in the family memory for their less stellar performances.)



The day stretched before us in an unending observation and celebration of this special day. The reception was a cacophony of noise and sounds heightened by the screaming of 13-year old girls, the awkwardness of 13-year old boys, and the unique opportunity to sit among strangers who somehow are related to you and were grouped at your table by some interesting formula of 10.

If you've ever had the desire to return to your junior high school for one more dance...go to a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Most of the same rules apply, except you no longer know the music (who are the Jonas Brothers and why do ALL the girls scream when they are mentioned?) and you need a little alcohol to get you on the dance floor at all.



All in all, the event was a success, and even when less than 24 hours later the proud and tearful parents who had delivered such moving speeches about their wonderful daughter, her strength and independence, her sense of right and wrong, and her grace under pressure dissolved into the typical parental screams of "MK - I don't CARE what you THINK! You will DO AS I SAY!!!", we all still remained friends in the end.


And the dress you say? Well, I went with the blue velvet because the theme of the evening was "BROADWAY", the star of the evening was a knock-out in a strapless gown, and god knows you need a little drama with that.

And to tell you the truth - just look at that darlin' girl...I can put all my religious misgivings, my fashion ineptness, and my musical tastes out of my mind, just to spend a day with that glowing smile.

Happy Birthday Dad

Today is my Dad's birthday. He would have been 83. I miss him every day, but the 6 years since he passed have gone by in a blur, and the new normal has set in. I've been wondering lately what he would think of the world today and trying to fill in his side of the conversation.



Dad, what do you think about this economy?
Save your money.


















Dad, isn't this just amazing, we have elected and sworn in the first black president of the United States.
Those boys have come a long way since I was a kid.














Dad, they just can't seem to find peace in the Middle East.
Wipe it off the face of the earth and forget about it.


Dad, I'm worried about keeping my job. No company can guarantee work anymore.
Work hard. Do your part. You can't do anything else...oh..except save your money.





Dad, what do you think of what's on tv these days?
Boob tube. Too much filth...too much blood and guts...I prefer a good Tom Clancy novel.


Dad, I just turned 42 and this is your 83rd birthday...how has this happened?
Beats the hell out of me kiddo.


Dad, I love you and miss you. I'm sorry if work and life kept me away from you too much in the later years of your life.
I love and miss you too and we all need to live our own lives. I'm proud of you and that hubby of yours. You did ok.

Fist-Bumps All Round

Everyone and their brother will be posting about the inauguration of our NEW president today. From the Chief Justice's faux pas in swearing him in, to the color of the new first lady's dress, and it will be extensively reported that President Obama was inspiring in his speech and how the greatest takeaway most of us could have was his encouragement to put away childish things (i.e., grow up) and take responsibility for our own actions. It will also be extensively reported that his daughters were adorable in J. Crew and gave him the thumbs up on his activities to date.

But what about poor Dubya? After eight excruciating years, he retires as the least popular president since the measurements began. I am glad that the cameras and microphones did not pick up the rampant boos which reporters claimed were a part of the crowds on the mall. It's classier to just tip our hats and say, "Goodbye, Mr. President" and be thankful his term of office is over and be hopeful we can recover from the mess we now inherit.

Here's hoping that we each find a way to take up our part to help our new president in the days ahead. Because while it is convenient to use the 43rd president as a scapegoat and blame him for most of our ills today, it is for sure that one man alone didn't take us here...and it's for sure that one man alone won't get us out.

Get ready America. The Obama's have come to town. It's time for ALL of us to serve.

In Flight

A small bird just flew in and landed on the seat across from me. INSIDE the airport. Might be better living arrangements than outside. We are in Newark after all.

Thinking of Dexter

In July we lost our pet of nearly 18 years, a little black kitty named Dexter (or C.K. Dexter Haven - from the Philadephia Story. I've been thinking of him a lot the last few weeks. I've stumbled on some pictures recently, and others that I know have recently lost pets and it brings the feeling back.

Hubby and I were always adamant that we not be called Dexter's Mom and Dad...I never really understood why people did that. But yet, he was a child of ours in many ways, totally dependent on us for his care and feeding, subject to our moods and whims, and a part of our emotional health.

They say that pets can lengthen your life, lower your blood pressure, reduce your stress, and provide you with comfort simply by allowing you to stroke their fur, walk them around the block, listen to them purr or snore. I believe it. After his death, our house felt so very very empty at first that it was almost unbearable. It actually no longer felt like a welcome place to be. It was uncomfortable and silent. You see, Dex was antisocial with everyone except us. With us, he couldn't get enough. He always wanted to be with us - he loved parking on my desk - often wrapping his body around my laptop, enjoying the heat from it and watching my fingers on the keys.

But time changes things, and you adjust to the new normal. I think over the past six months we have stopped seeing him in every shadow on the floor, stopped waiting for him to come around the corner, ceased feeling a phantom jumping on the bed when one of us moves a certain way. There are moments, however, when I just cannot believe that crazy animal is gone. When I walk in the door at night, I feel it. For nearly 18 years I would walk in and he would run to greet me, and my greeting to him would be, "Hello Monster." Because he was a monster in so many ways. A bit of a sociopath honestly. But he was our sociopath.

It's funny to realize that our little Dexter witnessed our early years of marriage, several apartments and homes, and all of the events of our 20's and our 30's, eventually seeing us both turn 40. Far from being just a bystander, they are witnesses and participants in our lives and help us mark the time on this earth. We see them grow older more rapidly than we do - almost as a precursor to our own aging, often facing illnesses that may bring more suffering than quality of life can bear. Would that someone would show us the humanity of helping us depart the world in dignity as we can help our pets when the cure is worse than the illness, or when the pain and suffering gets to be too much.

I miss Dexter. He was a good companion, and always a good source of anecdotes because of his crazy antics. I think we gave him a good home. I think he had a good life. I think he would understand and hopefully appreciate that we put him to sleep knowing his life had little joy and a lot of suffering. I wish we could have allowed him a death in his sleep at home, curled at the foot of our bed, warming his fur in a sunspot, but we didn't have control of that choice.

I've found myself checking out websites for shelters in our area...looking at cats that need a new home. I think we're almost ready to do this again. Maybe we'll even get two cats this time. One for each lap, one for each pair of feet, a duo that can keep one another company while we go about our human business.

This time, we'll have animals who will witness our 40's, 50's and maybe even as we turn 60. If they are like Dex, they will give us as much care as we give them - and will comfort us, quiet our stress, and make us laugh. They may even drive us a little crazy, destroy a few loved pieces of furniture or bedding, and frighten our guests. But they'll be OUR little monsters, just the same.

Color Correction

Another snowy Saturday, another two hours at the salon, a much better result. I got back in my regular chair (with owner) and she said, "This is way too dark and dull for you, right? Why didn't you come back right away?" Finally. Someone who gets me. No one else seemed to see the difference. Or maybe they were too polite to say, "damn, your hair looks awful."

Lesson in taking care of your loyal customers.At the end she took my photo to add to the webpage they are developing (Yes, I am that gorgeous...but the pictures may not be) and she didn't charge me for the color.

The result: Not only did I come home happy, I came home and populated three sites on the web with positive reviews of the salon.

Men may never understand that it is harder for a woman to change stylists/salons than it is to change gynecologists. A bad gyno appointment only lasts about 5 minutes, a bad hair style can last for months and the trauma for years.

Am I wrong?

THE Bat Mitzvah

My niece is 13.

This is a big enough deal for any girl - you know the whole teenage entry and stuff. But MK? she's been a teenager for years...all about the fashion, the boys, the phone calls, the texting and god knows, she has the teenage drama thing down cold.

Don't get me wrong. I love the girl dearly, but holy cats can she put on a show.

So here she is in her ideal place - the middle of the spotlight, in the starring role of her own life. Her Bat Mitzvah. THE Bat Mitzvah. And apparently, this is bigger than super sweet sixteen and a wedding all wrapped into one (at least for now).

When I turned 13? I had a slumber party. A few girlfriends arrived at my house at 6PM. We played games, watched tv, giggled incessantly, ate junk food - all in our comfy and somewhat ratty pj's. We were asleep by midnight. There was, of course, a breakfast the next day ( as I recall it was Apple Jacks and toast) and then they were gone, by 10AM.

Considering my inexperience in understanding the scale of THE Bat Mitzvah, can you blame me for thinking we should write a really big check? Turns out, that is not expected, which is good, cuz you know, there's a recession and all, but what IS expected is participation - major participation.

We will fly out for a week in San Francisco, a week full of events. We will stay in a local hotel and rent our own car. I have been informed that we must present ourselves in full dress on Thursday afternoon for formal family photography session. I have further been informed that we are to participate in the Thursday night dinner, the Friday night dinner, and Friday night temple. Then we are to present ourselves again at the temple at 8AM Saturday for more family pictures and then the actual Bat Mitzvah ceremony. Saturday night is the BIG party (and probably more photography)...think wedding reception style event - which has a Broadway Theater theme (drama, right?). Sunday AM? is the grandparent hosted brunch.

So last night I struggled with the question all cool protestant-reared Aunts of young Jewish women must contend with: What the hell is a Bat Mitzvah, and more importantly, what the hell do I wear? AND do I have shoes to go with it?

Last week I spoke with the birthday girl herself and she was on her way to get her "gown" fitted. It seems this is one of several special outfits she will have for the various activities around this weekend. Apparently it is strapless, shimmery, and quite the fashion statement. MK then asked if I had purchased my dress yet? "No," I informed her, "I'm not buying a new dress."

MK: "Oh." (read the disappointment and disapproval dripping from that one syllable.)

Wenderina: "I have a dress already I think will be fine."

MK: "Oh," as she tries to be supportive, "well what does it look like?"

Wenderina: "It's just a basic black dress."

no response

Wenderina: "Sleeveless."

no response

Wenderina: "Scoop neck."

no response

Wenderina: "Knee length."

no response

Wenderina; "It's a classic little black dress."

no response

Wenderina: "I really like it and it was such a great deal. It's Calvin Klein."

MK: "Oh! Sounds great!"

...yeah, it's like that with MK.

So needless to say, when I saw Coldwater Creek had a super sale going on, I scrolled through the catalog to see if there was something that might better meet MK's expectations. I ordered a blue velvet "gown" with a pleated back vent and a little rhinestone pin, etc. etc. etc. Much more "special" than the Calvin Klein, despite the lesser label. It arrived yesterday and I found myself trying this new dress on, then the little black dress, then a gold dress I had worn ONCE to a friends wedding...parading them all in front of Hubby with various pashminas, jewelry choices, and shoes...

I don't know why I'm kidding myself...or Hubby, for that matter.
The answer is right in front of me.

Of course I will take them ALL.

And seek MK's approval of the right one. Because you see, MK at 13 has more fashion sense and girl genes and proper sense of drama than this 40+ year old will ever have.

Happy New Year

So...somewhere after 12/31/08, I got a little lost. Suddenly it's like halfway through January 2009. Ok. So it isn't halfway. It's only January 7th, but DAMN, that week went fast.

This week has been that typical first full week after the November/December holiday season. Suddenly everyone remembers they work for a living, they have plans that have to be finalized, travel that needs to be scheduled, and everything MUST BE DONE RIGHT NOW.

I've spent the last three days on the phone ALL DAMN DAY. And while I've got my bluetooth going with one conference call, I'm answering emails, filing documents, and scheduling the next conference call all at the same time. My work day today began at 7:30AM and will not end until approximately 9PM (ah the joys of Global business and multinational time zones). This is actually pretty typical work week activity, but in the past 6 weeks I've managed to forget that since everything is different from the week before Thanksgiving through New Years.

I can honestly say I've done more work in the past three days than in the past three weeks. And you know what the best part is? I feel like I have a good job. A secure job. A job that MUST be done. After the last two months of budget angst, economic stress, layoffs, and other not so good holiday news, it feels, well, normal.

I told this to one of the execs earlier today - that after a couple of months of dread for 2009, I suddenly feel excited about it, and he said (over)confidently, "It's going to be a GOOD year."

"I hope so." I replied.

Then he said, "Just remember Hope is NOT a strategy."

Um. ok.

Anyways, thank God for the new year.

And fingers crossed I'm not just rearranging deck chairs on the Titanic.

Last Year at This Time

We were hanging with my sister and my niece (and oh yeah the guys were there too) in DC-area.

Miss you guys!

Happy New Year!

Love,

us.

Egg Roll Mania

My hubby makes KICK ASS egg rolls. So much so, that I cannot bear to eat egg roll from any Chinese restaurant anywhere. I requested this delicacy for our New Year's Eve, and it is a treat considering there will only be four of us to dine...

Normally Hubby requires at least a party of 8 to make this yummy stuff up. But I'm not quite sure if it is an effort issue, a quantity issue, or just a fear that should he make it for just us we will gorge ourselves on these fattening fried scrumptious treats every week.

So here is a step-by-step for you to enjoy.
You start with our well-worn recipe book.

And you do a lot of shopping and chopping - the Asian food aisle was my friend tonight. The cutting board and good knives were hubby's.

Then you stir-fry it all together just right.

And store the filling overnight in the fridge.

This wok? It's not dirty...it's SEASONED.

Tomorrow I'll show you the finished product. And you will SO wish you were here.

I'm in iPod touch

Alternate titles for this post:
iPod touch myself
In Touch with my iPod
Don't iPod touch
---


So I'm joining the iPod generation...but Hubby did not just get me a little Nano or some older model iPod. No, I have the new iPod touch, which near as I can tell does everything but wash windows. I really just wanted something to play my music that was more portable than my laptop, but hey, I'm not complaining.

I have had iTunes on my laptop for a while - all the songs burned from CDs I already owned, so no licensing or purchasing needed. But now I have the itch...because not only can my new iPod touch play music, it can play TV shows! Movies! books! I need some free access to these kinds of files. I'll be checking out (no pun intended) my local library website later tonight...but I know there is more out there.

I've already raided my favorite NPR website for podcasts - another new one for me (I'm so behind) - but I'm looking for some ideas on other people's favorite podcast sites....any topic, any type will do...as long as it is FREE.

I'm not looking for licensing infringement, just honest sources of free content. If you have any ideas, let me know!

I have a 6.5 hour flight (each way) coming up in 2 weeks...I'm looking for some free and portable entertainment folks. Help me out.

Holiday Reflections

Well, another year of Christmas is over. It increasingly feels like a lot of build-up for a such a brief few moments of paper-tearing, rum ball-eating, and general merriment-making.

This year's holiday seemed quieter than usual. The gatherings were smaller, the presents were fewer, the decorations were less. With family spread far and wide, and most of the kids in the family well grown, we found ourselves alone with my mom and uncle this Christmas Day, with a few cousin visits scattered around to fill in the week.

When I was growing up, there always seemed to be lots of family and noise and activity at Christmastime. This may just be a child's view however - like when you remember your childhood home as huge and yet through your adult eyes it is much smaller than your memory. Because, truly, when I think about it I realize that we rarely, if ever, spent that holiday with my own grandparents, and my siblings were forbidden to attend by their mother (Dad's first wife) due to an acrimonious divorce, and 75% of my cousins were elsewhere as well...so where all the bustle came from I have no idea.

But it was never just four of us before...so, we will either continue to adjust to very small and quiet gatherings - or change up the equation to include different family and friends to gather a critical mass together next year.

I'm already conspiring with a favorite cousin for Thanksgiving 2009 at her house. Her home is bustling with family - and will definitely provide us with the opportunity for more socializing than a group of four surrounding a huge turkey. For Christmas 2009, I started floating the idea of switching our usual plans around. Since it takes some people longer than other (yes you Mom) to consider new plans, it's important to start NOW.

Next, I'll start to tackle the family gift giving activities. We got some awesome gifts this year...but our house is beginning to bust at the seams. And every time I go home, my mom has more and more heirlooms she wants me to have. I love having items of nostalgic value, but I have to make space for these items all the time. I'm hoping to institute some new ideas for next year - like giving people (and receiving) event gift certificates (services, theater, movies, dinner, hotel, B&B) rather than another thing to store or display.

Because really, we have everything we need...and more...and nearly everything we could want too.

So - in 2009, new traditions! new ideas! new budgets! new everything.

Happy New Year (almost)

Christmas Again...

It's that time again, eh....do it.

A Word from Venus

This past weekend I entered my regular salon for a routine higlight/lowlight visit. Because it was routine, I took the available stylist rather than waiting for a future date with my usual girl. When meeting this new stylist, I mentioned that I wanted a little more depth in the color. After two hours in her chair (why it took this long I have no idea, my hair is very short), she rinsed out my hair and removed the towel and to my surprise I realized my hair was now...cinnamon brown.

What. The. Hell.

Being the polite type, I kept my mouth shut. She did a horrible job of drying and styling - it looked like Sally Field from Steel Magnolias - you know the movie where her daughter references her hair as a brown football helmet?

When I finally told her I thought it was really dark she offered to spend another hour (which I did not have) adding more highlights. Instead I paid my $100 (ugh) and headed out for last minute Christmas shopping.

Let me just make a note here. Heading into the hell that is shopping the weekend before Christmas should NEVER follow a bad hair appointment. It was a disaster. No parking, icy parking lots, too many crazy people, long long long long cashier lines, etc. And every time I passed a mirror, my cinnamon hair gave me a jolt. Finally escaping the madness 5 hours later (2.5 of which were in line or looking for parking spaces), I stopped to pick up a sandwich and soda knowing Hubby was due to be out for his lodge dinner. I was looking forward to a few hours of total isolation.

But when I pulled into the driveway Hubby's car was there. My blood began to boil. I was totally out of patience and not fit for human consumption. I bundled up my packages and made my way into the house. Poor Hubby then became the target of all of my pent up frustration for the day. After stomping up to the bedroom with my takeout bag, I closed myself in for the evening.

Meanwhile back on Mars, Hubby was left scratching his head and reeling from the storm that just blew through the house. He retreated to the living room in horror.

A few days later, the storm was long gone, but I was talking on the phone to my Mom, preparing her for her first sighting of me as a brunette and Hubby overheard. He shouted up the stairway, "It's only a shade darker....Jeez."

We truly are from different planets.

A Question of Faith

I read a blurb on Meryl Streep recently where she was talking about faith...obviously tied to her new role in Doubt...that really spoke to me. She was able to put into words many of the thoughts I have had for the last several years.

"I've always been really, deeply interested in faith, because I think I can understand the solace that's available in the whole construct of religion," says the 59-year old actress [author's note - what the hell difference does it make how old she is?] who grew up Presbyterian. But despite being consumed with what she calls a "yearning for the ineffable, for real true certainty," Streeps has found little of that solace herself. "I really don't believe in the power of prayer, or things would have been avoided that have happened, that are awful. So it's a horrible position as an intelligent, emotional, yearning human being to sit outside of the available comfort there. But I just can't go there." So where does she find consolation in the face of aging and death? "Consolation? I'm not sure I have it. I have a belief, I guess, in the power of the aggregate human attempt. In love and hope and optimism - you know, the magic things that seem inexplicable."

The Week, Dec 26, 2008-Jan.9, 2009
As excerpted originally from article by Mick Brown in the London Daily Telegraph.

As a woman who really loves great words and phrases I'm struck dumb by her ability to express herself here. I really hope these are her true words and not a publicists well-crafted message. I find the sentence I kept returning to the most was "So it's a horrible position as an intelligent, emotional, yearning human being to sit outside the available comfort there." Those words captured my feelings exactly. And I just adore the phrase, "the power of the aggregate human attempt", which gave me a way to position my faith and hope in the human experience rather than the divine.

All that being said, I will return to church on December 24 for my annual pilgrimage and I will find I cannot contain the tears when my dear friend Cheri sings her solos of O Holy Night, Mary Did You Know, and the congregation and choir combine for the singing of Silent Night by candle light. And for just a few moments I will once again seek that solace and experience the "yearning for the ineffable".

Thank you Ms. Streep for your thoughtful words.

The Trickle Effect

TRICKLE def.
1. to flow or fall by drops, or in a small, gentle stream.
2. to come, go, or pass bit by bit, slowly, or irregularly
3. to cause to trickle.
4. a trickling flow or stream.
5. a small, slow, or irregular quantity of anything coming, going, or proceeding.

Trickle Down became a common term when paired with economics. In reviewing the definition above, I'd have to say I can see why that term came to be. I can certainly say that positive economic booms have had a small, slow, or irregular trend of coming, going, or proceeding in most of our lives.

However, current economic conditions need a new term.

DELUGE def.
1. A great flood.
2. Something that overwhelms as if by a great flood.
3. To overrun with water; inundate.
4. To overwhelm with a large number or amount; swamp.

Yup.

That's the way it feels today.

As I learned of yet another friend who has lost his job, I wonder when the flood will stop? Until then, I'll just keep treading water, and praying that the economy begins to trickle UP soon.

Overheard at Work

As always, my cubicle neighbor gives me plenty of moments of reflection...this is what I got to overhear today...

Judy: "oooh. damn. Michael?"

Michael: "Yes?"

Judy: "can you come raise me up?"

Micheal: "???"

Judy: "I'm in a hole."

Michael: "Oh...yeah..." Grunt grunt

Judy: "oh Michael, you're getting it"

Michael: Grunt Grunt

Judy:" There...there..no there...almost..."

Michael: Grunt Grunt

Judy: "Almost there...yes...yes...yes...oh Michael"

Michael: "whew, that was hard work."

Judy: "Did you hurt yourself...oh dear...let me see that."

Judy: "That's a big one....but thank you for your help."

Michael: "That's what I'm here for."

Judy: "Lovely. I'll probably need you again tomorrow!"

No lie. He was adjusting her chair. But you can see how sitting next door and hearing all this could be ... um ... amusing? ... disturbing? ... distracting? ... or all of the above.

Dear Virginia

Dear Virginia:

Yes there is a Santa Claus, but he took a beating on the Stock Market this fall so toys and gifts will be discontinued for this year and next.



He is also suffering from a lack of no universal healthcare. Therefore, he will not be risking his cholesterol with eating those cookies and whole milk as it could contribute to a health condition for which he has no coverage.

Also, since your parents are defaulting on their mortgage and also their homeowner's insurance, he feels it is unwise to climb on your roof or come down your chimney for a visit as he is not covered by workman's comp, and he can't afford to be out of work with an injury they cannot compensate him for.

For your little cousin George who is on his naughty list, Santa can't quite get his head around this clean coal idea and how that is supposed to affect his stocking contents, so don't count on George getting his just desserts.





Santa wishes he could appoint more of his elves to help in these times of need, but Santa has had a hard time getting the elves to work this year because they are spending an inordinant amount of time watching that hit series, "Little People Big World", which Santa admits is a heartwarming and fascinating reality tv series about a Little People couple and their Little and Big children and the challenges they face in the everyday world.


That pesky Rudolph is giving him trouble too, since the developing world has been paying him more money to power their internet connections and light their streets than he can pay for leading his sleigh. This has resulted in some dangerous flying in foggy weather.

And don't get Santa started on those other eight reindeer. They're eating him out of house and home and the price of corn and switchgrass since this whole biofuel movement has taken root is draining the last of his liquid assets.

Lately Santa has been trying to supplement his income with extra mall portrait sittings. It is not improving Santa's mood one bit...nor the moods of the children he meets.

Mrs. Claus sends her best to you, and hopes that your holidays are fine. She has recently completed her 9th elective plastic surgery and now looks like a cross between Joan Rivers and Nicole Kidman with a touch of Liza Minnelli for variety sake.

Mrs. Claus BEFORE:

Mrs. Claus AFTER

The bright side is Mrs. Claus has a new stream of revenue for the North Pole homestead now...ahem...the downside is she no longer feels it is her duty to make Santa eat his fill, so he looks like an emaciated scarecrow in his red suit.

All in all, Virginia, you probably want to write to someone else this Christmas. Santa has heard that Mr. Warren Buffett has only lost $16 billion and has a few billion left. Santa says there is a rumor Mr. Buffett is hearing proposals from enterprising youngsters like yourself at the local Dairy Queen.

Signed,
Wenderina

When You Know Your i-Tunes Reflect Your Personality

Well...my personality is...COMPLICATED.

Today as I surfed the internet and read blogs, and generally enjoyed some nonsense time with the computer I had my i-Tunes playing with volume on HIGH.

Editor's Note: I must be one of the last people in the world not to have an i-Pod, so the i-tunes are strictly a computer-host entertainment. I'm kind of locked to my desk.

Today, I had it on random play and it played these songs in sequence:

Styx: Mr. Roboto
Across the Universe Soundtrack: Blue Jay Way
U2: Original of the Species
Eric Clapton and Paul McCartney: Something
Elton John: Honky Cat
Ringo Starr: Honey Don't
Edwin McCain: See Off This Mountain
The Rolling Stones: Miss You
Billy Joel: Big Man on Mulberry Street
Billy Joel: I Go To Extremes
Dean Martin: I'm Gonna Sit Right Down and Write Myself A Letter
Norah Jones: Lonestar
Styx: Grand Illusion
The Cranberries: Waltzing Back
Sting: Englishman in New York
Edwin McCain: I Could Not Ask for More
Sting: Shape of My Heart
Harry Connick Jr: Where or When
Carly Simon: Give Me All Night
Frank Sinatra: Blue Skies
The Eagles: Peaceful Easy Feeling

Like I said...Complicated.