Attitude Adjustment - Bermuda Style

Diagnosis: Too many Monday's like the last post.

Prescription: 4 Days in Bermuda, repeat as necessary

Result: Patient attitude adjustment achieved.

Someone Had to Say It

Today has been a total Monday. Are you ever just sure you shouldn't have faced the world on a specific day? Maybe you're in a foul mood or short-tempered. Maybe the world seems out to get you. Maybe both?

From the moment I arrived and learned a VP - who is high enough on the food chain to know better - had sent a nasty email to one of my staff, the day just went downhill from there. I mean, seriously, this guy makes 5 times what she does in salary and he has the nerve to throw an e-mail tantrum. My favorite part was where he honest-to-god sounded like a 3-year old.

"I want the bullets laid out as sent. I want the figures and logos inserted as sent. I want the pages laid out as scoped."

Can't you just hear the whining, sobbing, and foot stomping on this one?

And, I guess, I was just in the mood to take this on today.

Initially, I was absolutely stunned. And yet, I don't know why I should be. This same guy has left sticky notes on staff desks the day after they worked a 12 hour day to meet his deadline which said, "You could do better next time." (and yes, he was serious). And he is also the famous author of the unknown acronym [FBSTCHAC] he wrote on a draft presentation markup, which apparently stood for Fix Background So That Column Headers Are Clear and was pissed we didn't know what he meant.

Since I was "just in the mood" - I forwarded it to his boss. Then I had a discussion with his boss on how to complete the assignment appropriately - taking full ownership of any failures on our part and making no judgment comments upon the VP. Lastly, I sent an email to the subject VP noting how we were going to fix the situation and deliverable and closed with this line:

"In the future, I would appreciate it if you did not respond to my team in a harshly worded email if you do not get what you are looking for but come back to me so I can address it. The buck stops here, as they say."

Think I committed career suicide?

To tell you the truth, I don't even care.

Someone had to say it.

Twenty Years Ago

It seems I've been bombarded by things lately that are all "twenty years ago"...high school reunion invitations on facebook (25 years!), Pat Benatar music (I was singing Hit Me With Your Best Shot at the top of my lungs this morning), and now I just read it has been 20 years since Footloose, the movie.




And on top of that? They are talking about a remake of this "classic" film. (AKA the film Kevin Bacon would like removed forever from his resume).


Damn I feel old.

Gym Update

Although I've been bad about updating my count on the blog, I'm happy to announce that I've been GOOD about going to the gym. Although I doubt I will ever be able to drive myself to the level the trainer did for me in that one session (and at $55/session, there won't be many of those in my future)...I am continuing to go, 3-4 times per week and to keep moving. So far, since joining the gym on March 14th, I have completed 22 workout sessions!

My rewards? Not many so far. My weight has remained the same. And trying on summer clothes this weekend was another eye-opener that I have a long haul ahead to a slimmer, trimmer me. (And just as a special aside: Gloria Vanderbilt is a bitch from hell who makes very cute clothes but seems to think that XL means Extra Lean instead of Extra Large.)

A friend of mine recently told me the 70-30 rule for weight loss is 70% about diet, and 30% about exercise. Hmmm...I'm sure that I've heard it the other way around before...probably when I was trying to convince myself that living on salad but never budging an inch would allow me to lose 40lbs without breaking a sweat. But with my current workout regime and no weight loss, I'm convinced she is right - it's both dammit.

On the plus side, I do feel stronger. And the other day I noticed my posture is much better. Perhaps I am beginning to reverse the bend in my back created by too many hours hunched over a laptop. Also, I spent a lot of time (after my gym workout this weekend) cleaning out the garages, scrubbing lawn furniture and moving it around and hauling multiple loads of laundry up and down two flights of stairs and noticed (a) I didn't get out of breath carrying the items from one end of house to the other and (b) although I could feel the workout a little, I wasn't crippled with pain the next day.

Best benefit of all though was having Hubby tell me I felt "firmer all over" (wink wink)...sweet.

Money Questions

Money seems to be a theme these days and I was just pondering some stories of windfalls and shortfalls in the last week that I thought I'd share.

Not too long ago a friend of mine divorced her husband who was lacking in money management or career skills. Having three children, they civilly split their (her) assets and she and I joked that essentially she would be paying herself child support for the next several years out of her newly enlarged and re-financed mortgage and her halved 401k plan. Or so we thought. Because although her husband walked away from the divorce proceedings with a healthy 6 figure check, it was GONE in less than 5 months and his checks to her for child support were bouncing. We kept laughing (cuz what else can you do) as she realized how much it cost her to buy her freedom.

Someone I know is renting a property to her niece. This niece originally was renting the property with her mother (don't try and follow the relationships, it has no bearing here) but tragically her mother passed away suddenly. In addition to the horrible and unexpected loss of a family member, this also presented two money issues - the first was that a stream of income was lost which put the affordability of the rent into question, the second was an eventual death benefit payment which could have afforded a 6-month pre-payment of rent. Needless to say, this story is coming to an unhappy ending where the death benefit has been frittered away (rumors put it in bad investments, inappropriate gifts to boyfriends, and god knows what else) and nearly three months have gone by without rent payment. This leaves all family members in a bad position - one needing the rent to cover the mortgage and other costs, one being in debt to her landlord/relative, and both in a position of needing to change arrangements with a potential loss of income and worse - family strife. So I guess it just goes to show you mixing business with family is just not a good idea.

Another friend of mine had her privately owned company bought out a few years ago by an equity company. The windfall to the owners was so large that they determined they would share some of the money with their senior management - she received a 6 figure check! She paid off the mortgage on her modest small home, paid off the mortage on her little lakeside cabin, invested some of the money, put some in savings, and bought herself some pretty jewelry and a nice vacation. She subsequently sold the lakeside cabin - having determined it wasn't really her bag - sold her little house - having found the love of her life and moved into his place - and other than throwing herself a whiz bang (and yet modest) wedding, is sitting pretty, feeling safe in her financial situation despite economic woes and possible layoffs.

And the most common tale of all these days - the dreaded job loss. One of my dearest friends has had a spouse put out of work by the economy. Since like most of us, they had little cushion on their month to month, two months after his job loss, they are now raiding their retirement funds to make ends meet. Hopefully this is a short term situation, but at the age of 42, you don't want to be starting back at zero in your retirement planning.

Today I received my 401k statement and noted that I have lost 3 years of "gains" in fund value. While the balance is still a healthy nest egg, it is demoralizing to see that I am running dangerously close to only have my original investment in place and with another serious loss in market I could actually have less than I put in! I called one of the fund advisors to talk about options - should I move my funds into another account? Specifically, should I move them from a variety of funds into one of the retirement data management funds that manages risk based upon your projected year of retirement? Essentially, the answer I got was - it's a crap shoot. Those funds have lost money with the down market too, and while they say they manage your risk, they aren't tightly managed based on market values, just spread across investments that have a certain risk-return ratio. I don't know....perhaps the ostrich head in the sand strategy is the way to go right now.

Hubby's latest scheme (in addition to doing all the right fiscal things, like increasing investment in 401k funds, paying down debt, and no revolving credit) is to chip in with his co-workers and buy an annual LOTTO membership, hoping against hope to be that one in a bazillion who hit the numbers and the entire department resigns at once. After all, you gotta be in it to win it.

What are you doing right now to manage your money? What would you do with a modest windfall? Are you managing a shortfall? Is there any magic bullet? Or are we all just f*cked?

Elvis Has Left the Building

Ok, so this only works if you think of Elvis as a dorky brainiac engineer or scientist who sits at the top of the pyramid that is my company. But anyway, Elvis, yeah, he's out. Since there are only about 5 women in the top positions of my company, I think of them generally as "he's" and they are all on their way to the annual shareholder's meeting.

The last several weeks have been nightmares of reporting, researching, and preparation for this 1.25 day event. Our team was responsible for completing the annual year in review presentation/video, the annual report, strategic summaries and presentations, proclamations for retirees, etc. And what typically happens when all of these guys gather is they pack in a bunch of other mini-meetings that all need research, reporting, and prep as well. Much of the content is considered confidential or proprietary and so it is difficult to delegate this work. There are short lists of trusted staff who are in the loop and I'm in the thick of that.

It's an honor and a HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS all at the same time. Come to think of it, it's mostly the 2nd thing, because the honor thing wears off as you get tired and as you deal with the hassle of knowing stuff that seems like a big deal, but more often than not fizzles out in the long run.

I decided to take stock of the last few weeks and I've figured out that I have:

• participated in more than 100 meetings since March 1st,
• had 8 conference calls in late evenings to accommodate international time zones,
• worked on average 57 hours/week (while getting salary pay),
• prepared 26 individual full-blow strategic presentations,
• drafted 8 staff news items (most of which are still awaiting approvals),
• created strategies for 4 major conference events,
• signed off on more than $200k in expenditures,
• prepared salary and performance reviews for 8 staff members,
• delivered one negative review including all pertinent Employee Relations activities,
• sent over 1600 emails, received a similar number and processed
• completed one semester of grad school,
• joined gym and worked out 17 times (including once with trainer)
• and posted 21 entries to this blog.

Shit. No wonder I'm so beat. Thank God Elvis has left the building.

Reality Disconnect

Sitting on couch with laptop, eating McDonald's fries, sore from masochistic workout, flipping through a Land's End swimsuit catalog. Some of these things just don't go together.

In Brief....an Observation

While I'm drawn to the lime flavored colas on the market right now, is there anyone else that experiences the feeling that they are drinking a cleaning product rather than a beverage?

An Ass Kickin'

Tonight I got a good, solid, ass kickin'. I made an appointment with a personal trainer at the gym. And subsequently learned I am very out of shape. My ass -- which did I mention was pretty kicked? -- is hurting already...can you imagine tomorrow? and worse...the 2nd day??

Anyway...it seems like a strange rather masochistic thing to do, PAY someone hard earned money to, you know, kick your ass.





When I was a kid - big rubber balls were fun. This one? not so much. This may look like a toy, but no - it is an instrument of abdomen torture.

Five pound weights? Seems wimpy right? Try doing 2 sets of 20 deep lunges with one on each hip. Those 10 extra pounds can really kill ya.

Treadmill seem tame? Try putting the incline at 15 and then have a sadistic woman increase the speed to 4 mph.

Like walking the track? Try it with a spunky muscle bound former model who keeps asking you short questions that require LONG answers and lots of wind.

Believe it or not, I'll be going back for more...but maybe not too soon.

Open Letters: Fan Edition

Have you ever written a fan letter?


I have not.


I have composed them in my mind, many times, but they've never made it onto paper, not once. Every one, of course, begins with "I've never written a letter like this before..." because I haven't.

So, here is my first foray into fan letter correspondence....kind of an Open Fan Letter if you will.


Fan Letter #1: Aaron Sorkin




Dear Mr. Sorkin:


Although I have never before written a fan letter, today I had the opportunity to re-watch an episode of West Wing - Isaac & Ishmael, and I was compelled to reach out to its author. This episode, written to air shortly after 9-11, was offered as a play where familiar characters could depart from their existing storylines to pause and reflect upon the new world order through the eyes of high school students visiting the White House. I sit here, within 20 miles of the site of the World Trade Center, now nearly 8 years later, and with this episode I can feel myself return to the same sense of chaos and fear that was rampant in late 2001. I felt my stomach clench, I felt the need for answers to the eternal "why" question, and I felt helpless in the face of an overwhelming and unseen force.


But my correspondence is driven not by fear, but by the hope you somehow infused into that little one hour play. Slowly and painstakingly you pieced small puzzle sections together to give me history, to give me theory, to give me perspective, and to give me the light back at the end of that very long tunnel. You skillfully used each character to provide a unique perspective - CJ, the champion of the CIA and facing a return to the battle between personal freedom and security; Sam, the terrorist historian who pointed out that it has NEVER succeeded in its objective and has instead strengthened opposition; Abby, who brings the episode title into focus with the biblical history that underlies the fundamental difference between Arab and Jew and the stresses of a common people with an ultimate divide; the President, who gives the true definition of martyr (vs. the "dumbass murderer") and offers that a hero who would die for his country or ideals but would much rather live for it is really what we need; and Josh - always my favorite - who points out that accepting pluralcy - multiple coexisting and conflicting ideas - is the ultimate way to fight fundamentalists and extremists of all types.


Juxtaposing all of this is having Leo part of interrogating a potential terrorist suspect who also happens to be an Arab American working in the White House. This cautionary tale about guilt by association, guilt by stereotype, guilt before innocence can be proven, was prophetic as we embarked upon year after year of blurred lines between standing for our ideals and hiding behind our fears.


Thank you Mr. Sorkin for using your talent to explain the inexplicable, to comfort the inconsolable, to caution the radical, and to quiet the chaos...if only for a moment. And lastly, thank you for writing something with such staying power that while it allowed us to find hope in a terrible time, it also evokes enough feeling eight years later to ensure we never forget.


A Faithful Fan

A Sense of Duty

Spoiler Alert: If you are a fan of "HOUSE" and
didn't watch the episode on April 6th -

Don't read this!

So....what the hell happened to Cutner?? We started watching the show and were so totally shocked at the sudden suicide of this central character that I immediately started scrolling back to previous episodes of the show in our DVR memory to see if we had missed some major event. Then, I started thinking, what the hell happened to Kal Penn?


a. Did he get fired?


b. Did he piss off the wrong producer?


c. Did Harold and Kumar have another movie to make?



Nope. None of the above.



Kal Penn is going to work in the White House. Yes THAT White House.

Apparently, he has a great interest in politics, worked on the Obama campaign, and has pursued a staff job there. Not some glamorous ambassador type post either, but in his own words he will be "associate director in the White House office of public liaison. They do outreach with the American public and with different organizations. They're basically the front door of the White House. They take out all of the red tape that falls between the general public and the White House."



Obviously he gets that Gilbert & Sullivan sense of duty stuff.


I think that is just the greatest thing.

Absent Without Leave

So the past two weeks I've been a bit absent from the blog. Turns out being a working woman, with some family visiting, as well as a home and husband, two cats and the new gym thing, really eats up your computer time. I have to say as well, that Spring is springing up all over and spare moments may soon be outdoor time and not conducive to the laptop.

All that being said, I've been blogging in my brain - too bad you can't read my thoughts, cuz some entertaining stuff going on in there. Although it's more likely a scenario like dreams. You know how when you wake some are so vivid and make so much sense and the minute you try to capture them and explain them the twisted and bizarre nature suddenly occurs to you.

Our house has been pretty quiet this week after a lovely week-long visit from my sister J and her hubby, as well as A's Mom and hubby and, of course, the apple of our eye Little Man A himself. I'm always astonished at how small our house becomes when we have the influx of family visitors and their luggage taking up every spare inch of the place. And conversely, how huge and empty it seems when they leave.

Here's a sweet little remembrance of LMA's visit. (I tried to capture some of him and our kitten running around - they became fast friends - but they're too quick for me).

One of Those Days

Did ya ever have one of those days?

First the scale thing....

Then...FIVE people told me I looked tired today...FIVE...and I'm not. Makes you really feel like you are looking FINE doesn't it?

Then...one person continually asked me if I was ok...continually...??? "Are you sure? You look like you are off today?"

Then an email question to two people turned into an email explosion between 20 people. You know the one that just makes you want to chew off your hands at the wrist rather than reply one more time?

Then...someone ACTUALLY wanted to order plastic neon lit drink coolers (you know those awful fake ice cubes?) as a conference giveaway. There are so many things wrong with this when you work for AN ENVIRONMENTAL FIRM IN A FAILING ECONOMY that I cannot begin to speak them.

At this point I begin to rant - I hate people. I really really just hate people.

Then...I actually found myself saying, "BITCH" when listening to the "every woman" recorded system voice on our voice mail system just for asking me for my password twice.

Some freakin' day.

A Confession of Extimacy

Have you heard the new word? I was listening to my man - Joe Connelly - from his CBS880 financial commentary today (the only sane voice in a world gone wild) and he laid out the new word of the week...Extimacy. It is the word for living your life out on the internet, sharing your most intimate secrets externally...hence it isn't intimacy, it's Extimacy.

Welcome to my extimate life.

Today, I went to the gym at 7AM....

and let's just pause a moment to applaud me for being
in my 2nd week of gym membership and activity

...and I stepped on the scale. You know, the kind like the Doctor has with the counterweight that REALLY tells you what you weigh. All I can say is Ack! I've known for a while that my cheap little scale at home is off a couple of pounds but....well....ack! I've been severely mislead. I've been betrayed by a household object.

To be honest, I've allowed myself to be deluded into believing that I can eat ice cream, cookies, pasta, bread, and multiple bowls of cereal and the scale doesn't move. Such amazing consistency! What a powerful metabolism! And with working out at the gym, that metabolism can only be increasing, so although the machine has told me that my 30 minute workout has only actually burned 134 calories, that's ok, because my metabolism is cranking along and I can go home and eat that egg and cheese bagel with no consequences.

I'm not sure I can face a regular exercise regimen AND a severe diet at the same time. I could potentially kill someone out of misplaced food rage or crazed Aleve overdosing from muscular pain treatment. But damn it. That number should never be a part of any woman's life who is not a pro-wrestler or heavyweight boxer.

Bad mood here I come.

WWJD

I'm a big fan of President Obama. And I love to watch/hear the man speak. It is such a pleasure to have a president who is not constantly searching for words between "ums". I applaud his use of streaming video - like today's subtitled message to the people of Iran - but late night comedy shows?

As I watched the Tonight Show last night all I could think of was how goofy Jay Leno is and how, even in his most comedic moments, Johnny was smooth...truly the epitomy of the urbane late night talk host. What would Johnny do with a guest like this? Would he toss softballs and sit in awe of POTUS? Would he make sarcastic comments about DC politics and Wall Street greed? Would he talk tennis and golf? Would he edit out the Special Olympics faux pas?

While I do appreciate that the world is changing, and communications of our leaders must redefine to meet the challenges of 800 stations of television and thousands of spam messages per minute, I can't quite fit the role of the president with a late night talk show focused on entertainment and laughs. A one on one interview with a news anchor or features producer...yes. Johnny Carson's sad little stand in? Not so much.

Given the choice of having POTUS appear on the Tonight Show...WWJD? [What Would Johnny Do?] I think he'd prefer Jack Hanna and his animals, but that's just me.

Modern English

As promised, the slightly more recognizable Modern English translation of Chaucer.

As ancient stories tell us, once there reigned
A duke named Theseus, who’d in Athens gained
The office of a governing magistrate,
Who, as a conquering general, did rate
As more renowned than any neath the sun.
Rich countries by the dozens had he won;
And in particular the region of
The Amazons, he’d won with wit and love;
An area as Scythia once known.
Hippolyta, the queen upon its throne
He wedded, and with pomp and glory led
This lovely monarch home to share his bed,
And Emily, her younger sister, too.
And so, in festive victory, adieu
I say unto this noble duke, who rides
To Athens with his armed host on both sides.
And if it were not much to long a tale,
I would relate to you in more detail
Just how the reign of Femininity
Was won by Theseus with his chivalry;
And of the raging battle that went on
With these Athenians in Amazon.

The Words We Use

I've been noticing how a person's vocabulary may be expanded by reading, but it does not always impact our speech. Yesterday, for example, hubby was talking to his staff and used the word absconded.

Hubby: "You would have thought I said something in a foreign language for the reaction it got!"

I guess most people would say stolen, or made off with it, or some similar and more common phrase.

Me: "Tomorrow your assignment is to use the word akimbo in a sentence. Say, 'My wife stood there in the living room with her arms akimbo...' and see what they say."

Hubby: "They'll probably make something x-rated out of that one."

Me: "They'd better not, that's your wife they're talking about!"

Hubby: "Not you dear, akimbo.."

How often do you read words that would never pass your lips in a real conversation? Yet you know the words, they are comfortable to you, they just feel too foreign to speak. A friend of mine was reading with me on a beach a few years ago and she was puzzled by a phrase. "Her august presence..." She said, "What does the month of August have to do with someone's presence?" I explained the OTHER meaning of the word august and the pronunciation I knew it as with the emphasis on GUST vs AUG. This was a whole new concept to her and she is very well read.

As the years pass and fewer and fewer people read real literature with beautifully crafted language and uncommon phrases I wonder if the books that we avid readers treasure might just become impossible to decipher. In college I studied Chaucer in middle english. It was both enticing and exhausting, and in the first read, nearly impossible to understand. Soon words like akimbo, abscond, august, and other wonderful and lyrical words will be a part of our foggy past.

Here's a treat for you...A Knight's Tale from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales in the Middle English. See if you can understand this "foreign" language:

859: Whilom, as olde stories tellen us,
860: Ther was a duc that highte theseus;
861: Of atthenes he was lord and governour,
862: And in his tyme swich a conquerour,
863: That gretter was ther noon under the sonne.
864: Ful many a riche contree hadde he wonne;
865: What with his wysdom and his chivalrie,
866: He conquered al the regne of femenye,
867: That whilom was ycleped scithia,
868: And weddede the queene ypolita,
869: And broghte hire hoom with hym in his contree
870: With muchel glorie and greet solempnytee,
871: And eek hir yonge suster emelye.
872: And thus with victorie and with melodye
873: Lete I this noble duc to atthenes ryde,
874: And al his hoost in armes hym bisyde.
875: And certes, if it nere to long to heere,
876: I wolde have toold yow fully the manere
877: How wonnen was the regne of femenye
878: By theseus and by his chivalrye;
879: And of the grete bataille for the nones
880: Bitwixen atthenes and amazones;


Modern English will be posted tomorrow.

Did You See That?

This is what happens....

*Actual photo taken by Wenderina in Brisbane, Australia - Feb 2008.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Decades to Go

As a post script to the last entry - this morning at the gym I was embarrassed to note that the octogenarian on the bike to my right not only maintained a 114 beat/minute heart rate for twice the duration of my ride, he also pedaled at a steady 90 rpms on the cardio burn workout. I, in contrast, found my heart racing up to 145 beat/minute and couldn't get the rpms much over 70.

I blame the seat position on the bike.

Yeah, that's it.

Oh, My Aching Glutes

Until this weekend, I had not set foot in anything that resembles a gym since college, with the single exception of a continuing education beginner's yoga class that was held in the middle school gym (imagine the soothing environment of smelly teenage sweatsocks and screaming middle schoolers in the halls). So far, I'm digging it, but let's see how it goes once the novelty wears off, or the first morning I have to choose between that extra hour of sleep, or when the ache in my joints and muscles becomes more important than the adrenalin rush.

Two days later and two workouts later and I'm feeling good, some achiness and stiffness in the joints, but overall o.k. I'm pacing myself...sticking with ramping up on standard cardio machines - treadmill, bike - for the first month. I haven't jumped on the ellyptical yet...I think that will be my nemesis in the cardio world. I wish they had a pool, and the classes are all given during working hours during the week, but what do you want for $120 for two people for 3 months.

Right now my focus is strength and toning, building up my wind and controlling my heart rate. If I get beyond this, I will probably meet with the trainer at the gym for a baseline and goalsetting for some of the additional weight training machines. And maybe I'll even start to watch my diet...but all in good time. Last night, after working out for a little over an hour, I came home and plopped back on the couch...watched some tv....ate a couple of tacos for dinner and capped it off with some ice cream.

BUT, the machines at the gym told me I had worked off 350 calories, which I figure is approximately two spoonfuls of that ice cream, so I'm good, right? Geez. I don't think I'll ever look at a 100 calorie snack the same way again if it takes that much effort to work it off!

Hubby and I decided that to make the membership worthwhile (money-wise) we have to go to the gym at least 25 times in 3 months, but I'm aiming for 40. No promises.