The Struggle, Part 1
I think I'm struggling most with the fact that I'm so totally busy, but not all that interested in it all. There's a certain element of automatic pilot in many of my days. They aren't restful, they are in fact usually hectic and stressful, but they aren't really, well, interesting. Then when I do have downtime...I find myself limited in what I'm willing to do. I'd rather lay around and watch a movie or read a book than take on a project or get out and do anything.
The economy doesn't help. Feeling that it is most prudent for us (maybe not the economy at large, but our little financial world) to restrict our spending makes that a convenient excuse to stay at home under the covers rather than go out and do something. Half the time when I do decide to do something, it involves a book store, a library, a movie theater...all the stuff I'm already doing at home.
If I were to make a list of what I'm willing to change and what I'm not...I'd stay pretty much how I am...but that is pure laziness.
NOT Willing to Change
House (not in this economy)
Job (unless forced)
Willing to Consider Change
Hobby (need one besides the static "on my butt at home" type)
Exercise (well...I did enjoy yoga for a short period in 2004?)
Diet (grumble grumble grumble...)
Aspiration (GET ONE! this is what I really need to focus on)
When the phrase first came into fashion - Follow Your Bliss - I was like - WHAT? What the hell is "my bliss"? If I had all the resources and freedom in the world, what would I do with myself?
Do all of you know? If you won the lottery and it all worked out well (no IRS or poor relative lawsuits, your health is still intact, your marriage is still going strong) what would your life be like? My imagination fails me right there. I'm a total blank. I don't know if it's because I'm a realist or because I'm just so out of touch with my own deepest desires (or sadly, don't have any) that I can't answer the question.
[Stay tuned...but don't expect a smart and witty resolution...
this is stream of consciousness stuff people]