Saturday, January 15, 2011

Note to Self: Business Travel is NOT Glamorous

4:50AM Alarm
5:00 AM Alarm.
5:15 AM Alarm.

Get up. Dress.
Lug heavy suitcase, laptop, purse down stairs at 5:58AM.
Coat, scarf, gloves.
Lug heavy suitcase, laptop, purse down more stairs and through basement and garage (since snow still blocks front and rear doors.

6:15AM tap fingers on table...where is the F-ing car service?
6:20 AM Call car service.
6:24 AM car not coming - overheating (why didn't they call??)
6:25 AM Rouse hubby (poor man, sick, tired) need ride to airport.
6:30 AM roll out of driveway in our car.

7:10 AM arrive at terminal.
Realize need to leave keys with hubby.
Where are my F-ing keys? (keyless entry/ignition means I never know where they are!)
Empty bags. Zip. Unzip. Dig. Dig. Dig.
KEYS!

Kiss, hug, run.

OMG. Lines. Lines forever.  Worst lines ever.
Find uniformed person - where to go.
Up. Down. Shuffle. Line up.
Check in. Drop Bag.
Next line - Security.
They have built a line to get to the line.  Not lying. Not exaggerating.
Check time.
Call travel buddy.  He's still in check-in line.
See him coming up the escalator.
Holler out - "Hi Honey, Over here" and pretend he's my husband just come from bathroom.
(to save our lives from murderous passengers behind us who nearly lynched the lady with the stroller and baby who delayed the line)

Security.
Belt off.
Shoes off.
Laptop out.
Empty pockets.
Liquids out.
Coat off.
Scarf off.
Boarding pass, passport in hand.

Through Security.
Reverse above.
Shoes on.
Laptop in.
Fill pockets.
Liquids in.
Coat on.
Scarf on.

Gate.  Board.

Call Mom. "Yes I'll be diligent.  Yes I'll watch for terrorists. Yes I'll have a good time."
Email Hubby.  I'm off.
Chat with friend.
Nice.

Wait on tarmac.
Finally up and out.
Food.
Horrible.
Get out laptop.
Hit start button.
Nothing.
Hit again.
Nothing.
Shit.
Battery dead.
No chance to get ahead on work.

Watch movie.
Drink water.
Bathroom.
Watch 2nd movie.
Drink water.
Bathroom.
Watch 3rd movie.
Drink water.
Bathroom.

Heathrow.
Bathroom.
Customs.
Luggage.
ATM - 100 Pounds.
Cab.
Cab ride - 70 Pounds!

Hotel. Party central! But I'm here for work.
Lift to 5.
Room 505.
Enter. Door shuts.
No lights.
None.
Hit every switch.
No lights.
Stumble to phone.
Hit 0.
"Put key in slot by door for lights."
"You mean the slot by door I can't see because it is pitch black in here?"
Lights!

Unpack.
Laptop.
Power Converter.
Converter doesn't take 3-prong.
Shit.
Don't panic.
Look! A 110 volt plug in wall. Sweet.

Laptop powered up.
On.
Connect to wireless.
Go to internet. Nothing.
Try again. Nothing.
Call hubby (personal IT desk).
He says, call Hotel.
Concierge arrives.
Try multiple times.
Nothing.
Call hubby.
Try multiple things.
Nothing.
Give up.

Call room service.
No desserts at night.
Shit.
Order sandwich.

TV remote.
Button.
Button.
Button.
Button.
Finally - on!
Menu button.
Nothing.
Scan channels.
Nothing.

Concierge arrives with food.
Show him TV remote.
Fiddle with Computer.
See Reset button.
What the hell.
Reset options.
GOOGLE!!!!

TV Remote still busted.
Work order for tomorrow.

Blog.
Eat cold chips.
Drink warm coke.

8:53 PM NY Time.
1:53 AM London Time.
Dig in to work.


Exciting London.
Glamorous travel.
Where's my Prilosec?

3 comments:

pinklea said...

I'm so sorry Wenderina, but this post had me laughing! I've BEEN in that place where almost everything that can go wrong when traveling DOES go wrong, so I'm hoping you'll grant me an exemption for my lack of taste in giggling at your misfortunes. (And I hope that you'll be laughing at them too some day!)

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Well, darn. That does not sound glamorous at all. I hope it gets better.

Susan said...

My international work travel happened so long ago that most of this wasn't even an issue! (pre-internet, terrorism, long lines and bad airline food - 1986.) I agree it is no fun at all these days.