Tuesday, December 11, 2007

In the Airline Industry, Time is Relative

Once again, I'm in airport hell. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to fly if it's dangerous. I just wish there was a way to get a definitive answer on WHAT TIME???? I love the - "A friendly announcement: We have a 2 hour delay, but DON'T LEAVE THE GATE because we could change it at any moment, load the plane and take off without you. "


I've been getting automated calls/emails from Continental that keeps conflicting with info I'm getting at gate...which one do you trust? I think it is a concerted effort to keep us all unbalanced so we don't rush the desk. All I really want to rush is the airport bar or cafe, but I CAN'T LEAVE THE GATE!

Basically, I keep re-learning this lesson:
When it comes to air travel and the air industry as a whole,
time is relative.

Good News: There are actually timepieces out there
for the people who live on relative time.

Watch #1: Time is Relative Watch

On line ad promotion: "This watch spits in the face of convention. It grabs hold of the norm and flushes it down the toilet of conformity. And it tells time, too. Unlike every other timepiece ever made, this watch has numbers that are in constant motion. The hands of the watch reflect the actual time of day, but the numbers march to their own drummer. (We haven't opened a watch yet, but we're pretty sure a miniature drummer is inside there.)

The Relativity Watch comes in an attractively normal gift box. It has a genuine leather band and an accurate Japanese quartz movement. (If you ever held a piece of Japanese quartz, you know how accurate it is.)

Surely, by this time, we've convinced you to purchase a Relativity Watch. You don't even realize it, but this is the 29th time you have read this page. You're caught in an endless time warp that loops you back to the moment you pressed the button that took you to this page.

The only way to break the cycle is to purchase a Relativity Watch. If you don't you're doomed to read this ridiculous page for the rest of eternity. Sure, you laugh. Just like you did the previous 28 times you read this."

Watch #2: The NOW Watch.

Signals Catalog item description: "Look no hands. A watch for those who live in the moment, this is a manifesto, not a timepiece. Wheels, pins, pivots, and jewels have been replaced with sand and a stone etched "NOW." The battery never needs replacing because there isn't one."

Watch #3: Einstein Time Is Relative Watch

I have no photo of this...it no longer seems to be available. But I purchased it once for a friend who was notorious about time management. He would leave for a quick errand to the corner store and come home 4 hours later. No calls, no apologies, no clue. We bought this watch because we laughed hysterically when we saw the face which said 1ish, 2ish, 3ish and thought immediately of this friend. He opened the gift on Christmas Eve...and was totally puzzled, "I don't get it." We laughed even harder.

So, gentle readers, if you know of any road warriors in your life, you might want to consider one of these watches as a timely holiday gift. It may help them decipher the airline schedule a little better.

But just so you know. The Relative Time Watch is out of stock. They anticipate getting it back in on the 25th...or maybe the 29th...or maybe after first of year...(I think we need a relative calendar too).


Catch Her in the Wry said...

Great post! I've seen watches 2 & 3 but not #1. I know a few people who would find that watch maddening.

A's Mom said...

Okay, that was too funny! I want a relative watch just so I can mess with people who ask the time!

Unknown said...

My son had the #3 Relative Time watch but we can't find it. I loved that watch and wish I could find another. Incidentally he was given the watch because he was referred to by many as a little Einstein.