Say It Ain't So...

At the end of the work day today, my VP came to Boss Lady's desk (where I had parked for an end of day recap) and said, "Well, it's done." He was speaking of course of THE MERGER. (Did you really think I would link you to the actual press release and tell you where I work?)

Anyway....

After saying this jubilantly, he high fived both BL and me and headed upstairs to pick up some paperwork he needed to sign.

BL and I sat quietly, still talking of some of the details of our events and communications that will finish out the week, while jointly absorbing the good, the bad, and the ugly from the first meeting we had held with the new integration team from the 'other' company.

After a few minutes, VP returned but with a little less bounce in his step. He came back to our huddle, grasping his papers, and said with a puzzled look, "I don't know...I almost feel like crying...or should I be celebrating?" BL quickly replied, "Celebrate! You worked hard for this."

Not long afterward, VP called me from his car. He was still in disbelief. Despite the fact that he and I have been working on this for more than a year, that we both believe it is the right choice for our firm, the reality feels...well...suddenly real.

Within moments of that call, BL stopped at my desk on her way out and told me that while writing an email to our integration manager, she had begun to cry. Suddenly she was feeling the evidence of the change in our fates. We are much smaller fish in a much larger pond now. We are no longer masters of our own domain - trusted to decide without questioning. We must report and wait for approvals that were never needed before. It is truly the end of an era.

Between us we have 65 years at this company. VP has 30, I have nearly 20 and BL has 15. We've grown up and grown old(er) in this place with these people. I believe a good percentage of these people will still be here at the end of the 2 year integration period...but undoubtedly some will not. And for those that remain, we may find ourselves working in different departments, different buildings, different states, different countries...

When I coached our CEO for his presentation to all staff tomorrow, I stressed, "At the end, please be sure to pause for BOTH REFLECTION AND CELEBRATION....we need to recognize our history before we jump into our future." I hope he heard me. Because watching those of us tonight who had known what was coming take what felt like a body blow from the actual final mind shift of the deal closing gives me just a small glimpse of where 1783 people will be tomorrow.

And, despite our best intentions, I don't think the barbecued ribs and lemonade in the parking lot or the day-glo orange beanie baby lizards (the new company logo), are really going to help. In fact, I predict some nasty things in the future for those lizards. They just scream voodoo doll.

Living Up to My Reputation

Remember that great ad campaign?

Egg.
This is your brain.

Frying Pan.
This is drugs.

Cracked Egg in Frying Pan sizzling away.
This is your brain on drugs.

Substitute "Job" for drugs and you've got my brain of late. It's a damn good think my parents filled up my being with lots of common sense, intuition, and guts because that's what I'm operating on right now. The synapse firing part of my brain?

Shot.To.Hell.

So what might drive fear into my soul the most right now? A request by Mrs. G. to write for her world renowned website - the Women's Colony.

Her actual request to me:
"mrs. g. here. would you consider writing about your experiences in the working world..being a strong woman who makes her own way. Think about it. Many readers have expressed an interest in this kind of story, advice. Thank you, W"

A strong woman who makes her own way!

I think Mrs. G. just wrote my epitaph. Or perhaps she wrote the title of a highly fictionalized autobiography. Depends on the day I guess.

Wenderina is putting on her thinking cap. Twisting her mind to speak in the third person as Mrs. G does and seeking inspiration in her addled brain.

But for tonight?




Frying Pan.





Egg.

The News Is Out....Finally

So...for the past year, I've been anxious over ONE DOMINANT THING. But I couldn't share here as I was sworn to secrecy. Literally. I signed a document and everything. Are you ready? Are you set? Go!

(hushed reverent tone)..The secret is M E R G E R !!!!

Yup. My 100+ year independent privately held company (not really "My company" but you know, I've been here for 19 years) is merging with a publicly traded foreign owned company almost 10 times our size.

Things they are a'changing.

It was almost unbearable keeping this secret from my friends and colleagues at work for the past year (+). It totally dominated my time at work, but I still had a day job to do and people counting on me that wouldn't know why I couldn't get their work done. Is it any wonder blogging fell to the bottom of the pile? Hell sleep fell to the bottom of the pile.

So now the secret is out. As of June 25th I was freed. Why, then you may ask, has it taken more than a week for me to shout it from the blog rooftops? Well, I thought life would slow down after the announcement, but I forgot - I'm in communications and marketing - so who gets to work on all of the announcements, events, FAQs, intranet content, client outreach, print materials, conference calls, etc? That's right - ME! The only difference is now I have my whole team in it with me...thank god...

Yesterday my team and I got to call 60 offices to arrange an event on Friday of next week for "Day One" of the new merged company. The logistics of arranging all offices for a single call /presentation by our President and the new parent company's CEO, as well as helping with the whole food/tent/budget/detail stuff is mind boggling.

But that's life.

So...what's next? Well, keeping our jobs is tops on the list. Figuring out where all the bodies are buried in the new place is going to be an effort. Understanding the new political underbelly should be interesting. Truth be told, it is as exciting as it is scary - making for a wonderful cocktail of anxiety for Wenderina. Luckily, on most days, I'm too tired and busy to ponder it for very long...but on those occasions when the mind starts clicking...watch out.

Tourists

Last weekend, while hosting the bride to be and two other maids...we finished our dress duties early and headed into the big city. The maids had never been and as was typical they spent much of their time looking up. It really is amazing how much vertical storage of people, places and things exist in NYC.

And it always amazes me that although the city is a little more than an hour away by train (and less if I decide to play kamikaze driver with the taxis) we never go in unless we're playing tourist with friends and family.

Even on a dreary rainy day, the city never disappoints.

On your mark, get set (first one to hit a pedestrian scores 20 pts)

Great backdrop/view from the M+M store in Time Square.

I like the new pedestrian way in Time Square, but
what is UP with all the people in the lawn chairs?

Plus none of them were talking -
it was like a statue display in a strange museum.

You gotta do the street vendor thing.

That guy is saying, "Look, it's a bird, it's a plane...."

We didn't go to the top - but we at least made it to the ground floor.

What else? The Empire State.

Event a standpipe can do in a pinch when your feet are sore from walking.

Dear Dad

Dear Dad:



It's another of those days - those days that remind me you are no longer here. You'd be disappointed to hear that I worked today, as did Hubby, because our jobs are completely out of control right now. You'd be more disappointed to know that we cancelled celebrating with my other Dad - Hubby's Dad - because of work.



But I remember that you also understood. I remember you getting up in the middle of the night to answer the call from your job. I remember you working hard and rarely complaining. I remember you and Mom always being sure that we were safe, warm, fed, clothed, and happy.



I believe that you and Mom gave me the best life possible. And I know, because of this, I'm a happier person today. I guess life wasn't perfect. I guess we were like most families - a functioning dysfunction of a sort. But I can honestly say I don't remember any unhappiness as a child. My only regret is that my half-siblings, your kids, couldn't have known the stability and love that you and Mom were able to give me. I know that was a regret you had to live with too.



I hope you felt you lived a good life. I hope you felt loved not only on Father's Day, but every day. Because you were. For all the imperfections you had, for all the imperfections I had, I knew you loved me and I hope you knew I loved you too.



It's been six years since you left us Dad, but you are in my thoughts always. And every decision I make always involves a consideration of what you and Mom taught me and the values you instilled in me. Because of this, I believe I've always? well...often...taken the right turn.



Thank you Dad.
Love you.
W.

Night Out with a Friend

After many late nights of work - and many weekend days at work - I made time tonight (since Hubby is working even crazier hours than me right now) to meet up with a friend for a girls night out. Nothing big - we went to the Paramus Park mall (known as Mecca by many a local girl) looking for some summer duds for a wedding on Block Island that my friend is attending. Rather than a time consuming or pricey meal - we ate at the food court (and survived it).



It was a fabulous night.



I have been addicted to the series and more recently the movie, "Sex and the City", but everytime I watch I get a little sad that while I have many wonderful friends - we are all so busy with our individual lives that we don't have a routine to gather regularly and just do those girl things we need to do.



Like tonight. Tonight we shopped for bras. And I found it was a much better activity to do with a friend than my usual solitary run.



I had told my friend of the lovely bridesmaid gown we selected but then sent her into gales of laughter about how every dress I tried on had the darts in the wrong place. "And then suddenly I realized...trying on a bridesmaid dress at 42, of course the darts are NOT in the wrong place - it's my breasts that are in the wrong place." Ah the joys of gravity. It was obvious that my $21.00 bras are no longer cutting it. I need some serious engineering here.



So my friend took me by the hand and introduced me to the $60.00 bra. Yes - that is 6-0! My thrifty (cheap) self was horrified. And then, she increased my dismay by increasing my cup size. Now I definitely feel like a MATRON of honor. With my D-cups and FOUR hooks in back. But I have to admit - my ladies were definitely looking better when we were done. And? my good friend charged my new goodies (do the math - I bought 5 of them) on her Macy's card so I could get the special discount...I think she was trying to make up for the D-cup revelation.



We laughed and laughed and laughed tonight - about what? I don't know - silly things, embarrassing things, over the shoulder boulder holder things.



What a joy to have a night out with a friend. Thanks my friend.

Women's Colony Got Me Thinking

Over at the Women's Colony, Mrs. G wrote about some stuff that got me thinking.

Recently Hubby was faced with some difficulties at work. If you are a manager of staff, you will be able to relate that you get paid more, because managing people, well....it sucks. Even if they are really good at their jobs and you really like working with them...there's just sucky stuff that you have to deal with. His difficulties came from some issues of what I immediately labeled sexual harrassment. But because the harrassment was of men by women, no one in HR would pay attention to it. And we're talking blatent stuff here folks. Not to mention some women who should most definitely be spending some time in a mental health facility.

As a woman, I was outraged that behavior that we have been fighting against while we ask for equality was now being ignored by women in HR roles. I truly believe that if the genders had been reversed more than one person would have been summarily dismissed and that would be the end of it. I also truly believe that if those men wanted to pursue it, lawsuits would be viable.

I just hope that pursuit of equality is not granting us the right to act like the very worst of the opposite sex. If that is the result of equality, I'll give back my "equal" pay, un-burn my bra, and give up the vote.

A Disconnect

This morning my CEO - who has been unavailable to work with me on his project all week - called me and said, "Here's all my stuff, I'm hoping that you can get through this today and NOT have to work this weekend."

Sweet.










Clueless, but sweet.

15 books

Erin Alberty said to do this...and I did.

Don’t take too long to think about it. Fifteen books you’ve read that will always stick with you. First fifteen you can recall in no more than 15 minutes.

Side note: I wish, as an English Major, I could say this is a list of classic literature. I've read my share. Truth be told though - the books that "stick with me" are those that touch my heart more than my mind.

1. Where the Red Fern Grows. I totally stole this from Erin's list but I have the beaten up copy on my shelf to prove that I have read and re-read this boy and his dogs tale many many times.
2. Pillars of the Earth. I was sadly disappointed by the long awaited sequel to this Ken Follett novel, but the first one is exquisite.
3. The Scarlet Pimpernel. I think this book by Baroness Orczy was a favorite because, well, it was written by a Baroness and what teenage girl doesn't fantasize about the regency periods of Europe - even the bloody beheading ones. But truly, I fell in love with Anthony Edwards in the tv miniseries and that made the book a way to recapture his performance. (Sink me! there is quite a list of these stories here!)
4. I Know This Much Is True. I think Wally Lamb is genius.
5. She's Come Undone. Did I mention Wally Lamb is genius?
6. The Long Walk. This was read to me in elementary school and I've always wanted to seek it out and re-read it...the impression is very strong that this was a life-changing experience.
7. The Diary of Anne Frank. This book proved to me that mature expression can come from any age given the right (or wrong) circumstances.
8. Eric. Oh this book. Box of Kleenex required. The true story of one young man's fight with leukemia. Written by his mother. Oh this book.
9. Catch Me If You Can. I read this book when I was in my teens. I never imagined that 20 years later Leo would be playing the part in a movie. Rambunctious, irreverant, page-turning true tales of adventure and misadventure. Loved it.
10. Little House on the Prairie series. Loved this as a young girl. Much better than the tv series.
11. The Autobiography of King Henry VIII. A novel, not a true autobiography (obviously), but really stunning way to learn about history. Margaret George has done a whole list of 1,000 page tomes on various historical figures - Cleopatra, Mary Queen of Scots, etc. But this one is the best.
12. The Outlander Series. Can't help it. Loved the mixture of sci-fi and history with the romantic crazy scotsman Jamie in the lead...fell in love and had to read every book in the series.
13. The Dogs of Babel. A favorite. Something about the use of language. I thought it was lyrical and a good story to boot. This is the only book I've ever copied a page out of and kept it so I could read and re-read it over and over again.
14. Harry Potter Series. I know. I know. But I cannot get cynical about ANYTHING that gets kids to read like they did when this series was brand new (pre-movies). Plus, it's nice to bury yourself in a world of pure imagination.
15. The Prince of Tides. Again - pre-movie reading. While Pat Conroy tells the same tale in a variety of ways he has a poetic quality to his writing and if you're up for tales of the troubled family - he hits it on the head every time.

Like I said, not an impressive list of classics. But nothing I'm truly ashamed of here either. Sorry james joyce - you didn't make the cut - although Ulysses will live in my nightmares forever as the most agonizing required reading of my life.

Make it stop

10-Day Forecast for
Suffern, NY (10901)

Today
Jun 18
Rain
100%

Fri
Jun 19
Cloudy
Rain
20%

Sat
Jun 20
T-Showers
60%

Sun
Jun 21
Showers
40%

Mon
Jun 22
Showers
40%

Tue
Jun 23
Scattered Showers
30%

Wed
Jun 24
Scattered T-Storms
40%

Thu
Jun 25
Isolated T-Storms
30%

Fri
Jun 26
Scattered T-Storms
40%

Sat
Jun 27
Scattered T-Storms
40%

Last Updated Jun 18, 12:18 PM ET

Is our best hope really a "cloudy" or "scattered T-storms" day? Ugh.

The Pipes, the Pipes are Calling...

Our sweet little old 1930's cottage has been experiencing some plumbing issues lately. Nothing major, no need to call in the professionals, but just enough trouble to send hubby on repeated trips to the hardware store and to cast many many MANY 4-letter words into the air waves.

Amazingly enough we actually broke off the little doo-hickey (my word of course) that makes the sink drain plug go up and down. So right now, it just goes down and stays down. Obviously not an ideal situation, so I pulled it out and now it sits harmlessly on the side of the sink. A good interim solution right? Well yeah, until the stupid cat starts depositing anything she can think of into the hole - like the top to the toothpaste, a screw, and maybe a bug or two. So now, we need to unplug the pipe as well as replace the broken doo-hickey. And needless to say - finding quality parts to fit our old house pipes is a tricky thing. Hubby has brought home supplies twice only to find he would have to buy additional parts just to make the connections all fit together right.

Then after briefly giving up on that home repair, we realized a constant hissing noise coming from the toilet in our 2nd bathroom. Hubby made jokes about plumbing issues but quickly lost his good mood when he tweaked the toilet doo-hickey (not the same thing as the sink, but another unnamed part) that helps to flow the water into the tank and more importantly helps to STOP the water from OVERFLOWING the tank and it fell off right in his hands! The water started gushing into the tank quickly heading toward the top. Luckily I was close enough to dive under the toilet and twist the shut-off valve while Hubby smartly hit the flusher to empty the bowl and the tank. Hubby gently replaced the part (which still hisses noisily) but at least it functions to maintain the tank water level.

So...the plumbing woes shall continue until Hubby can get the time, and the right parts, to make them all better. I'm thinking September.

M.O.H.

So...once again I'm a bridesmaid...or actually the Matron of Honor (M.O.H.). I don't think I thought at the age of 42 I would ever again have this duty, but thanks to my favorite cousin's upcoming nuptials, here I am.

This weekend was the dress shopping and I have to say, one advantage of age AND a bride's 2nd wedding, is we ladies definitely have a better idea of what we want, and more importantly what we DON'T want. We no longer fool ourselves into believing the dress, no matter how lovely, will really be worn again. So we are going for nice, but low -key, and low-cost. Enter David's Bridal. The Bride knew she wanted brown dresses (or truffle as they call it) so essentially they brought is nearly every dress they had that came in brown. Trying them on was a treat, since in order to hit your size you were often in sunflower yellow, hot pink, baby poop green, or other such unflattering colors.

Amazingly, we all agreed upon one dress. A simple Audrey-Hepburn inspired classic short dress. Because of my height (I tower apprioximately 10 inches above the shortest bridesmaid and a good 8 inches over the bride AND her groom, the dress looked notably shorter on me. So they have sold me on the additional purchases of a peek-a-boo slip and a matching ribbon sash...because..."as the MOH you want to stand out!" Um...not really, but I don't want to look like the dress doesn't fit me right either.

Voila ... the dress...

...actually this one MIGHT be wearable again.

Now...onto the shower, bachelorette, the toast, and other M.O.H. duties. Sigh.

Open Doors

As I walked through my house on Sunday, I noticed the strange phenomenum that Hubby claims is proof of ghosts. Open doors, open closets, open cupboards everywhere.

Here's a little pictorial evidence and a sweet poem I found that ties to it.

The Door

By Miroslav Holub

Go and open the door.
Maybe outside there's
A tree, or a wood,
A garden,
Or a magic city.

Go and open the door.
Maybe a dog's rummaging.
Maybe you'll see a face,
Or an eye,
Or the picture
Of a picture.

Go and open the door.
If there's a fog
It will clear.

Go and open the door.
even if there's only
the darkness ticking,
even if there's only
the hollow wind,
even if
nothing
is there,
go and open the door.

At least
there'll be
a draft.

A Picture's Worth

...the 1,000 words of the last post...enjoy.

A new open view to neighbors - hopefully yielding
some additional sun and reducing berries in the pool!

Cheerful geraniums in bright red pots.

A scattering of colorful perennials.

A well trimmed and charming cobblestone path.

Some sweet orange flowers brighten hardy potted evergreens.

A bottomless clay pot survives placed inside the garden,
filled with bright begonias.

Brief blooming red hot pokers coming to life.

Antique climbing roses add charm to an ordinary fence.

After blooming, the lilac receives a trim and some training.

Looking more like a home for lily pads,
our pool begins its journey toward blue.

Long Time No...

...well, anything but work really. I've been making some tough choices with my time and basically, blogging just didn't make the cut. Plus, as most bloggers know, this is a muscle (like most) that needs exercise to stay functioning.

Catching You Up.
After Bermuda I was fortunate enough to be able to take a week off and enjoy a visit from my Mom. After my father passed away we began a springtime tradition of her joining us for a week around Mother's Day and she helps me, well, do anything and everything. Seems a little unfair that it is supposed to be a time of year to celebrate Mom's and here she is helping me out, but let's face it, I can use the help.

This visit included a lot of shopping for furniture -but no purchases have been made yet - some lunches, some dinners, some gardening, and some just being still. I think we took it a little easier this year - a little slower pace - and it was welcome. Typically I feel that every moment should be filled with some activity - both to entertain and to take advantage of the time away from the office, not to mention the extra set of hands. This year, we still got PLENTY done, but I also felt we had some down time as well. I had offered to take mom in to NYC for a day, but she encouraged me to just take it easy and not worry about working so hard to entertain her. I'm sure we would have (and will in future) enjoy a day there, but again, it was nice to just chill.

Results!
The results of our work are evident in the red pots of geraniums, the hanging baskets of purple flowers on the shepherd's hook, the fresh orange trailing flowers from the evergreen pots on front porch, and the freshly weeded cobblestone walk. She also helped me pick out some perennials to add to my gardens in hopes this will reduce my annual outlay of cash and planting time. (pictures to follow tomorrow)

Since Mom returned home, it's been almost nothing but work work work. I'll write more about that later this month - a special project is at hand that has been taking all of my time and energy. But I've found a little time here and there to be out in the yard. I've never enjoyed gardening, but love the results of a good effort. If someone could just find a way to make weeding a one time effort, I might actually become a garden fanatic.

The Secret to Finding Joy in Gardening.
Last weekend I found that my iPod can actually make gardening tolerable. Tip to the gardening iPod user: secure your iPod in a pocket with button or zipper that won't be banged by gardening tools; run your earbud wires under your shirt so when one falls out, it will only dangle harmlessly from a few inches from your shirt collar; be sure you have several episodes of a favorite radio show (my pick is This American Life with Ira Glass or Radio Lab - very entertaining and thought-provoking, perfect for the relatively mindless work of digging in gardens) or albums, a full battery and go to it. I made it through 4 straight hours of garden work without a break in the momentum, and totally enjoyed it.

So far I've been a mulching mad woman and expect that I will have used about 30-40 bags of mulch before I'm through - note to self: next year bulk delivery. I've also been in the destructive gardening mood. We've removed trees (or should I say, had them removed) and old shrubs which was a necessary activity, although it sure has made the neighbors a much more visible part of our life. We're hoping some of the large tree removals may add a benefit of sun-time for the pool which typically hovers at 73-75 degrees in the summer, while friends a mile away see 80s all summer in a pool twice our size.

Crystal Clear and Cooling.
Speaking of the pool, today we finally pulled off the cover. It is always amazing to me that the green mucky mess can become a clean, clear, crystal blue enticing pool in a matter of days. But after the several hours at this, I fondly recall when we used to pay for someone to do this for us. It is messy, stinky, and back breaking work. I particuarly enjoyed taking the decomposing mess of leaves, twigs and larvae I had skimmed off the pool cover and filling three trash bags by hand. Yum.

Hubby took on the difficult mechanical tasks with the pool, while I took on the drudge work. Only fair since the mechanics of the filter, pipes, and chemicals totally confound me. He then proceeded inside for another mechanical effort - installing ceiling fans in our bedrooms...well one got done at least. I really like it and hope to have less A/C running this year because of it. I know all my HGTV designer hosts would cringe, but this is a case of function over design.

Bored yet?
Yeah, this is another reason I haven't been posting. My life has been absorbed by daily routines and work with little else to show for it, and certainly little to blog about. But - I'll keep trying to pull my writing muscle out of atrophy - at least on non-work days, and find something to say again. Stay tuned for garden photos soon.

Attitude Adjustment - Bermuda Style

Diagnosis: Too many Monday's like the last post.

Prescription: 4 Days in Bermuda, repeat as necessary

Result: Patient attitude adjustment achieved.

Someone Had to Say It

Today has been a total Monday. Are you ever just sure you shouldn't have faced the world on a specific day? Maybe you're in a foul mood or short-tempered. Maybe the world seems out to get you. Maybe both?

From the moment I arrived and learned a VP - who is high enough on the food chain to know better - had sent a nasty email to one of my staff, the day just went downhill from there. I mean, seriously, this guy makes 5 times what she does in salary and he has the nerve to throw an e-mail tantrum. My favorite part was where he honest-to-god sounded like a 3-year old.

"I want the bullets laid out as sent. I want the figures and logos inserted as sent. I want the pages laid out as scoped."

Can't you just hear the whining, sobbing, and foot stomping on this one?

And, I guess, I was just in the mood to take this on today.

Initially, I was absolutely stunned. And yet, I don't know why I should be. This same guy has left sticky notes on staff desks the day after they worked a 12 hour day to meet his deadline which said, "You could do better next time." (and yes, he was serious). And he is also the famous author of the unknown acronym [FBSTCHAC] he wrote on a draft presentation markup, which apparently stood for Fix Background So That Column Headers Are Clear and was pissed we didn't know what he meant.

Since I was "just in the mood" - I forwarded it to his boss. Then I had a discussion with his boss on how to complete the assignment appropriately - taking full ownership of any failures on our part and making no judgment comments upon the VP. Lastly, I sent an email to the subject VP noting how we were going to fix the situation and deliverable and closed with this line:

"In the future, I would appreciate it if you did not respond to my team in a harshly worded email if you do not get what you are looking for but come back to me so I can address it. The buck stops here, as they say."

Think I committed career suicide?

To tell you the truth, I don't even care.

Someone had to say it.

Twenty Years Ago

It seems I've been bombarded by things lately that are all "twenty years ago"...high school reunion invitations on facebook (25 years!), Pat Benatar music (I was singing Hit Me With Your Best Shot at the top of my lungs this morning), and now I just read it has been 20 years since Footloose, the movie.




And on top of that? They are talking about a remake of this "classic" film. (AKA the film Kevin Bacon would like removed forever from his resume).


Damn I feel old.

Gym Update

Although I've been bad about updating my count on the blog, I'm happy to announce that I've been GOOD about going to the gym. Although I doubt I will ever be able to drive myself to the level the trainer did for me in that one session (and at $55/session, there won't be many of those in my future)...I am continuing to go, 3-4 times per week and to keep moving. So far, since joining the gym on March 14th, I have completed 22 workout sessions!

My rewards? Not many so far. My weight has remained the same. And trying on summer clothes this weekend was another eye-opener that I have a long haul ahead to a slimmer, trimmer me. (And just as a special aside: Gloria Vanderbilt is a bitch from hell who makes very cute clothes but seems to think that XL means Extra Lean instead of Extra Large.)

A friend of mine recently told me the 70-30 rule for weight loss is 70% about diet, and 30% about exercise. Hmmm...I'm sure that I've heard it the other way around before...probably when I was trying to convince myself that living on salad but never budging an inch would allow me to lose 40lbs without breaking a sweat. But with my current workout regime and no weight loss, I'm convinced she is right - it's both dammit.

On the plus side, I do feel stronger. And the other day I noticed my posture is much better. Perhaps I am beginning to reverse the bend in my back created by too many hours hunched over a laptop. Also, I spent a lot of time (after my gym workout this weekend) cleaning out the garages, scrubbing lawn furniture and moving it around and hauling multiple loads of laundry up and down two flights of stairs and noticed (a) I didn't get out of breath carrying the items from one end of house to the other and (b) although I could feel the workout a little, I wasn't crippled with pain the next day.

Best benefit of all though was having Hubby tell me I felt "firmer all over" (wink wink)...sweet.

Money Questions

Money seems to be a theme these days and I was just pondering some stories of windfalls and shortfalls in the last week that I thought I'd share.

Not too long ago a friend of mine divorced her husband who was lacking in money management or career skills. Having three children, they civilly split their (her) assets and she and I joked that essentially she would be paying herself child support for the next several years out of her newly enlarged and re-financed mortgage and her halved 401k plan. Or so we thought. Because although her husband walked away from the divorce proceedings with a healthy 6 figure check, it was GONE in less than 5 months and his checks to her for child support were bouncing. We kept laughing (cuz what else can you do) as she realized how much it cost her to buy her freedom.

Someone I know is renting a property to her niece. This niece originally was renting the property with her mother (don't try and follow the relationships, it has no bearing here) but tragically her mother passed away suddenly. In addition to the horrible and unexpected loss of a family member, this also presented two money issues - the first was that a stream of income was lost which put the affordability of the rent into question, the second was an eventual death benefit payment which could have afforded a 6-month pre-payment of rent. Needless to say, this story is coming to an unhappy ending where the death benefit has been frittered away (rumors put it in bad investments, inappropriate gifts to boyfriends, and god knows what else) and nearly three months have gone by without rent payment. This leaves all family members in a bad position - one needing the rent to cover the mortgage and other costs, one being in debt to her landlord/relative, and both in a position of needing to change arrangements with a potential loss of income and worse - family strife. So I guess it just goes to show you mixing business with family is just not a good idea.

Another friend of mine had her privately owned company bought out a few years ago by an equity company. The windfall to the owners was so large that they determined they would share some of the money with their senior management - she received a 6 figure check! She paid off the mortgage on her modest small home, paid off the mortage on her little lakeside cabin, invested some of the money, put some in savings, and bought herself some pretty jewelry and a nice vacation. She subsequently sold the lakeside cabin - having determined it wasn't really her bag - sold her little house - having found the love of her life and moved into his place - and other than throwing herself a whiz bang (and yet modest) wedding, is sitting pretty, feeling safe in her financial situation despite economic woes and possible layoffs.

And the most common tale of all these days - the dreaded job loss. One of my dearest friends has had a spouse put out of work by the economy. Since like most of us, they had little cushion on their month to month, two months after his job loss, they are now raiding their retirement funds to make ends meet. Hopefully this is a short term situation, but at the age of 42, you don't want to be starting back at zero in your retirement planning.

Today I received my 401k statement and noted that I have lost 3 years of "gains" in fund value. While the balance is still a healthy nest egg, it is demoralizing to see that I am running dangerously close to only have my original investment in place and with another serious loss in market I could actually have less than I put in! I called one of the fund advisors to talk about options - should I move my funds into another account? Specifically, should I move them from a variety of funds into one of the retirement data management funds that manages risk based upon your projected year of retirement? Essentially, the answer I got was - it's a crap shoot. Those funds have lost money with the down market too, and while they say they manage your risk, they aren't tightly managed based on market values, just spread across investments that have a certain risk-return ratio. I don't know....perhaps the ostrich head in the sand strategy is the way to go right now.

Hubby's latest scheme (in addition to doing all the right fiscal things, like increasing investment in 401k funds, paying down debt, and no revolving credit) is to chip in with his co-workers and buy an annual LOTTO membership, hoping against hope to be that one in a bazillion who hit the numbers and the entire department resigns at once. After all, you gotta be in it to win it.

What are you doing right now to manage your money? What would you do with a modest windfall? Are you managing a shortfall? Is there any magic bullet? Or are we all just f*cked?

Elvis Has Left the Building

Ok, so this only works if you think of Elvis as a dorky brainiac engineer or scientist who sits at the top of the pyramid that is my company. But anyway, Elvis, yeah, he's out. Since there are only about 5 women in the top positions of my company, I think of them generally as "he's" and they are all on their way to the annual shareholder's meeting.

The last several weeks have been nightmares of reporting, researching, and preparation for this 1.25 day event. Our team was responsible for completing the annual year in review presentation/video, the annual report, strategic summaries and presentations, proclamations for retirees, etc. And what typically happens when all of these guys gather is they pack in a bunch of other mini-meetings that all need research, reporting, and prep as well. Much of the content is considered confidential or proprietary and so it is difficult to delegate this work. There are short lists of trusted staff who are in the loop and I'm in the thick of that.

It's an honor and a HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS all at the same time. Come to think of it, it's mostly the 2nd thing, because the honor thing wears off as you get tired and as you deal with the hassle of knowing stuff that seems like a big deal, but more often than not fizzles out in the long run.

I decided to take stock of the last few weeks and I've figured out that I have:

• participated in more than 100 meetings since March 1st,
• had 8 conference calls in late evenings to accommodate international time zones,
• worked on average 57 hours/week (while getting salary pay),
• prepared 26 individual full-blow strategic presentations,
• drafted 8 staff news items (most of which are still awaiting approvals),
• created strategies for 4 major conference events,
• signed off on more than $200k in expenditures,
• prepared salary and performance reviews for 8 staff members,
• delivered one negative review including all pertinent Employee Relations activities,
• sent over 1600 emails, received a similar number and processed
• completed one semester of grad school,
• joined gym and worked out 17 times (including once with trainer)
• and posted 21 entries to this blog.

Shit. No wonder I'm so beat. Thank God Elvis has left the building.

Reality Disconnect

Sitting on couch with laptop, eating McDonald's fries, sore from masochistic workout, flipping through a Land's End swimsuit catalog. Some of these things just don't go together.

In Brief....an Observation

While I'm drawn to the lime flavored colas on the market right now, is there anyone else that experiences the feeling that they are drinking a cleaning product rather than a beverage?

An Ass Kickin'

Tonight I got a good, solid, ass kickin'. I made an appointment with a personal trainer at the gym. And subsequently learned I am very out of shape. My ass -- which did I mention was pretty kicked? -- is hurting already...can you imagine tomorrow? and worse...the 2nd day??

Anyway...it seems like a strange rather masochistic thing to do, PAY someone hard earned money to, you know, kick your ass.





When I was a kid - big rubber balls were fun. This one? not so much. This may look like a toy, but no - it is an instrument of abdomen torture.

Five pound weights? Seems wimpy right? Try doing 2 sets of 20 deep lunges with one on each hip. Those 10 extra pounds can really kill ya.

Treadmill seem tame? Try putting the incline at 15 and then have a sadistic woman increase the speed to 4 mph.

Like walking the track? Try it with a spunky muscle bound former model who keeps asking you short questions that require LONG answers and lots of wind.

Believe it or not, I'll be going back for more...but maybe not too soon.

Open Letters: Fan Edition

Have you ever written a fan letter?


I have not.


I have composed them in my mind, many times, but they've never made it onto paper, not once. Every one, of course, begins with "I've never written a letter like this before..." because I haven't.

So, here is my first foray into fan letter correspondence....kind of an Open Fan Letter if you will.


Fan Letter #1: Aaron Sorkin




Dear Mr. Sorkin:


Although I have never before written a fan letter, today I had the opportunity to re-watch an episode of West Wing - Isaac & Ishmael, and I was compelled to reach out to its author. This episode, written to air shortly after 9-11, was offered as a play where familiar characters could depart from their existing storylines to pause and reflect upon the new world order through the eyes of high school students visiting the White House. I sit here, within 20 miles of the site of the World Trade Center, now nearly 8 years later, and with this episode I can feel myself return to the same sense of chaos and fear that was rampant in late 2001. I felt my stomach clench, I felt the need for answers to the eternal "why" question, and I felt helpless in the face of an overwhelming and unseen force.


But my correspondence is driven not by fear, but by the hope you somehow infused into that little one hour play. Slowly and painstakingly you pieced small puzzle sections together to give me history, to give me theory, to give me perspective, and to give me the light back at the end of that very long tunnel. You skillfully used each character to provide a unique perspective - CJ, the champion of the CIA and facing a return to the battle between personal freedom and security; Sam, the terrorist historian who pointed out that it has NEVER succeeded in its objective and has instead strengthened opposition; Abby, who brings the episode title into focus with the biblical history that underlies the fundamental difference between Arab and Jew and the stresses of a common people with an ultimate divide; the President, who gives the true definition of martyr (vs. the "dumbass murderer") and offers that a hero who would die for his country or ideals but would much rather live for it is really what we need; and Josh - always my favorite - who points out that accepting pluralcy - multiple coexisting and conflicting ideas - is the ultimate way to fight fundamentalists and extremists of all types.


Juxtaposing all of this is having Leo part of interrogating a potential terrorist suspect who also happens to be an Arab American working in the White House. This cautionary tale about guilt by association, guilt by stereotype, guilt before innocence can be proven, was prophetic as we embarked upon year after year of blurred lines between standing for our ideals and hiding behind our fears.


Thank you Mr. Sorkin for using your talent to explain the inexplicable, to comfort the inconsolable, to caution the radical, and to quiet the chaos...if only for a moment. And lastly, thank you for writing something with such staying power that while it allowed us to find hope in a terrible time, it also evokes enough feeling eight years later to ensure we never forget.


A Faithful Fan

A Sense of Duty

Spoiler Alert: If you are a fan of "HOUSE" and
didn't watch the episode on April 6th -

Don't read this!

So....what the hell happened to Cutner?? We started watching the show and were so totally shocked at the sudden suicide of this central character that I immediately started scrolling back to previous episodes of the show in our DVR memory to see if we had missed some major event. Then, I started thinking, what the hell happened to Kal Penn?


a. Did he get fired?


b. Did he piss off the wrong producer?


c. Did Harold and Kumar have another movie to make?



Nope. None of the above.



Kal Penn is going to work in the White House. Yes THAT White House.

Apparently, he has a great interest in politics, worked on the Obama campaign, and has pursued a staff job there. Not some glamorous ambassador type post either, but in his own words he will be "associate director in the White House office of public liaison. They do outreach with the American public and with different organizations. They're basically the front door of the White House. They take out all of the red tape that falls between the general public and the White House."



Obviously he gets that Gilbert & Sullivan sense of duty stuff.


I think that is just the greatest thing.

Absent Without Leave

So the past two weeks I've been a bit absent from the blog. Turns out being a working woman, with some family visiting, as well as a home and husband, two cats and the new gym thing, really eats up your computer time. I have to say as well, that Spring is springing up all over and spare moments may soon be outdoor time and not conducive to the laptop.

All that being said, I've been blogging in my brain - too bad you can't read my thoughts, cuz some entertaining stuff going on in there. Although it's more likely a scenario like dreams. You know how when you wake some are so vivid and make so much sense and the minute you try to capture them and explain them the twisted and bizarre nature suddenly occurs to you.

Our house has been pretty quiet this week after a lovely week-long visit from my sister J and her hubby, as well as A's Mom and hubby and, of course, the apple of our eye Little Man A himself. I'm always astonished at how small our house becomes when we have the influx of family visitors and their luggage taking up every spare inch of the place. And conversely, how huge and empty it seems when they leave.

Here's a sweet little remembrance of LMA's visit. (I tried to capture some of him and our kitten running around - they became fast friends - but they're too quick for me).

One of Those Days

Did ya ever have one of those days?

First the scale thing....

Then...FIVE people told me I looked tired today...FIVE...and I'm not. Makes you really feel like you are looking FINE doesn't it?

Then...one person continually asked me if I was ok...continually...??? "Are you sure? You look like you are off today?"

Then an email question to two people turned into an email explosion between 20 people. You know the one that just makes you want to chew off your hands at the wrist rather than reply one more time?

Then...someone ACTUALLY wanted to order plastic neon lit drink coolers (you know those awful fake ice cubes?) as a conference giveaway. There are so many things wrong with this when you work for AN ENVIRONMENTAL FIRM IN A FAILING ECONOMY that I cannot begin to speak them.

At this point I begin to rant - I hate people. I really really just hate people.

Then...I actually found myself saying, "BITCH" when listening to the "every woman" recorded system voice on our voice mail system just for asking me for my password twice.

Some freakin' day.

A Confession of Extimacy

Have you heard the new word? I was listening to my man - Joe Connelly - from his CBS880 financial commentary today (the only sane voice in a world gone wild) and he laid out the new word of the week...Extimacy. It is the word for living your life out on the internet, sharing your most intimate secrets externally...hence it isn't intimacy, it's Extimacy.

Welcome to my extimate life.

Today, I went to the gym at 7AM....

and let's just pause a moment to applaud me for being
in my 2nd week of gym membership and activity

...and I stepped on the scale. You know, the kind like the Doctor has with the counterweight that REALLY tells you what you weigh. All I can say is Ack! I've known for a while that my cheap little scale at home is off a couple of pounds but....well....ack! I've been severely mislead. I've been betrayed by a household object.

To be honest, I've allowed myself to be deluded into believing that I can eat ice cream, cookies, pasta, bread, and multiple bowls of cereal and the scale doesn't move. Such amazing consistency! What a powerful metabolism! And with working out at the gym, that metabolism can only be increasing, so although the machine has told me that my 30 minute workout has only actually burned 134 calories, that's ok, because my metabolism is cranking along and I can go home and eat that egg and cheese bagel with no consequences.

I'm not sure I can face a regular exercise regimen AND a severe diet at the same time. I could potentially kill someone out of misplaced food rage or crazed Aleve overdosing from muscular pain treatment. But damn it. That number should never be a part of any woman's life who is not a pro-wrestler or heavyweight boxer.

Bad mood here I come.

WWJD

I'm a big fan of President Obama. And I love to watch/hear the man speak. It is such a pleasure to have a president who is not constantly searching for words between "ums". I applaud his use of streaming video - like today's subtitled message to the people of Iran - but late night comedy shows?

As I watched the Tonight Show last night all I could think of was how goofy Jay Leno is and how, even in his most comedic moments, Johnny was smooth...truly the epitomy of the urbane late night talk host. What would Johnny do with a guest like this? Would he toss softballs and sit in awe of POTUS? Would he make sarcastic comments about DC politics and Wall Street greed? Would he talk tennis and golf? Would he edit out the Special Olympics faux pas?

While I do appreciate that the world is changing, and communications of our leaders must redefine to meet the challenges of 800 stations of television and thousands of spam messages per minute, I can't quite fit the role of the president with a late night talk show focused on entertainment and laughs. A one on one interview with a news anchor or features producer...yes. Johnny Carson's sad little stand in? Not so much.

Given the choice of having POTUS appear on the Tonight Show...WWJD? [What Would Johnny Do?] I think he'd prefer Jack Hanna and his animals, but that's just me.

Modern English

As promised, the slightly more recognizable Modern English translation of Chaucer.

As ancient stories tell us, once there reigned
A duke named Theseus, who’d in Athens gained
The office of a governing magistrate,
Who, as a conquering general, did rate
As more renowned than any neath the sun.
Rich countries by the dozens had he won;
And in particular the region of
The Amazons, he’d won with wit and love;
An area as Scythia once known.
Hippolyta, the queen upon its throne
He wedded, and with pomp and glory led
This lovely monarch home to share his bed,
And Emily, her younger sister, too.
And so, in festive victory, adieu
I say unto this noble duke, who rides
To Athens with his armed host on both sides.
And if it were not much to long a tale,
I would relate to you in more detail
Just how the reign of Femininity
Was won by Theseus with his chivalry;
And of the raging battle that went on
With these Athenians in Amazon.

The Words We Use

I've been noticing how a person's vocabulary may be expanded by reading, but it does not always impact our speech. Yesterday, for example, hubby was talking to his staff and used the word absconded.

Hubby: "You would have thought I said something in a foreign language for the reaction it got!"

I guess most people would say stolen, or made off with it, or some similar and more common phrase.

Me: "Tomorrow your assignment is to use the word akimbo in a sentence. Say, 'My wife stood there in the living room with her arms akimbo...' and see what they say."

Hubby: "They'll probably make something x-rated out of that one."

Me: "They'd better not, that's your wife they're talking about!"

Hubby: "Not you dear, akimbo.."

How often do you read words that would never pass your lips in a real conversation? Yet you know the words, they are comfortable to you, they just feel too foreign to speak. A friend of mine was reading with me on a beach a few years ago and she was puzzled by a phrase. "Her august presence..." She said, "What does the month of August have to do with someone's presence?" I explained the OTHER meaning of the word august and the pronunciation I knew it as with the emphasis on GUST vs AUG. This was a whole new concept to her and she is very well read.

As the years pass and fewer and fewer people read real literature with beautifully crafted language and uncommon phrases I wonder if the books that we avid readers treasure might just become impossible to decipher. In college I studied Chaucer in middle english. It was both enticing and exhausting, and in the first read, nearly impossible to understand. Soon words like akimbo, abscond, august, and other wonderful and lyrical words will be a part of our foggy past.

Here's a treat for you...A Knight's Tale from Chaucer's Canterbury Tales in the Middle English. See if you can understand this "foreign" language:

859: Whilom, as olde stories tellen us,
860: Ther was a duc that highte theseus;
861: Of atthenes he was lord and governour,
862: And in his tyme swich a conquerour,
863: That gretter was ther noon under the sonne.
864: Ful many a riche contree hadde he wonne;
865: What with his wysdom and his chivalrie,
866: He conquered al the regne of femenye,
867: That whilom was ycleped scithia,
868: And weddede the queene ypolita,
869: And broghte hire hoom with hym in his contree
870: With muchel glorie and greet solempnytee,
871: And eek hir yonge suster emelye.
872: And thus with victorie and with melodye
873: Lete I this noble duc to atthenes ryde,
874: And al his hoost in armes hym bisyde.
875: And certes, if it nere to long to heere,
876: I wolde have toold yow fully the manere
877: How wonnen was the regne of femenye
878: By theseus and by his chivalrye;
879: And of the grete bataille for the nones
880: Bitwixen atthenes and amazones;


Modern English will be posted tomorrow.

Did You See That?

This is what happens....

*Actual photo taken by Wenderina in Brisbane, Australia - Feb 2008.

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Decades to Go

As a post script to the last entry - this morning at the gym I was embarrassed to note that the octogenarian on the bike to my right not only maintained a 114 beat/minute heart rate for twice the duration of my ride, he also pedaled at a steady 90 rpms on the cardio burn workout. I, in contrast, found my heart racing up to 145 beat/minute and couldn't get the rpms much over 70.

I blame the seat position on the bike.

Yeah, that's it.

Oh, My Aching Glutes

Until this weekend, I had not set foot in anything that resembles a gym since college, with the single exception of a continuing education beginner's yoga class that was held in the middle school gym (imagine the soothing environment of smelly teenage sweatsocks and screaming middle schoolers in the halls). So far, I'm digging it, but let's see how it goes once the novelty wears off, or the first morning I have to choose between that extra hour of sleep, or when the ache in my joints and muscles becomes more important than the adrenalin rush.

Two days later and two workouts later and I'm feeling good, some achiness and stiffness in the joints, but overall o.k. I'm pacing myself...sticking with ramping up on standard cardio machines - treadmill, bike - for the first month. I haven't jumped on the ellyptical yet...I think that will be my nemesis in the cardio world. I wish they had a pool, and the classes are all given during working hours during the week, but what do you want for $120 for two people for 3 months.

Right now my focus is strength and toning, building up my wind and controlling my heart rate. If I get beyond this, I will probably meet with the trainer at the gym for a baseline and goalsetting for some of the additional weight training machines. And maybe I'll even start to watch my diet...but all in good time. Last night, after working out for a little over an hour, I came home and plopped back on the couch...watched some tv....ate a couple of tacos for dinner and capped it off with some ice cream.

BUT, the machines at the gym told me I had worked off 350 calories, which I figure is approximately two spoonfuls of that ice cream, so I'm good, right? Geez. I don't think I'll ever look at a 100 calorie snack the same way again if it takes that much effort to work it off!

Hubby and I decided that to make the membership worthwhile (money-wise) we have to go to the gym at least 25 times in 3 months, but I'm aiming for 40. No promises.

One small step....

Today I joined a gym. Holy crap.
One giant leap for Wenderina.

The Forgotten Pleasure

Today I walked in the cold sunshine to the cafeteria. I hand picked each lettuce leaf, each cherry tomato, each cucumber. I gazed at the basket of hard boiled eggs until I found just the right one. Then I moved to the grilled chicken and picked 5 juicy slivers. Adding the crunchy croutons and slathering the whole selection with spicy italian dressing was the finishing point. I grabbed my favorite diet raspberry snapple from the cooler and slowly walked back through the sun and the cold to my office.

At my desk I ignored the blinking message light on the phone, the blinking instant message notification on my screen, and noted with disinterest the 22 emails that had arrived in the 15 minutes I had been away. I reached into the bottom of my bag and found the novel I've been reading at the pace of about 2 chapters a week and opened it.

It's Friday and both of my cubicle neighbors are out today, many of the staff have gone out to lunch and the only sound is the hum of ventilation and computer...the sound of energy sizzling in the air. The sound you rarely notice until it's not there.

As I make my way through a few more pages in the book I suddenly realize how quiet it is and how peaceful this one little moment feels. It is fleeting, the phone soon rings, people return from lunch, the pressure of a task that must be done intrudes. But for that a brief blink of time I re-discovered a forgotten pleasure.

One quiet stolen moment, and the awareness to appreciate it as a gift.

Is There a Camelot?

Last night I had dinner with a colleague who has become a good friend. We were comparing notes on the myriad challenges we face at work - including struggles we've had between us and our immediate team. Over dinner (and drinks) we shared a lot of frustrations, laughs, stories, and other nonsense, and it reinforced to me again, that if I just meet people on a human level, we can work just about anything out.

But then there is the Middle East...
(I know your head is spinning with that segue, but that's how I roll...)

I saw a documentary last year where a jewish mother and a palestinian mother were being interviewed. The palestinian woman had a daughter who had been a suicide bomber and the bomb had killed the daughter of the jewish woman. They were interviewed separately and in those interviews they were struggling to find the compassion and commonality to understand one another's pain. The palestinian woman, in particular, was touching as she talked about having no idea her daughter would consider such an act and how it tore her apart to think of the pain and devastation it had caused.

Eventually, a meeting was arranged between the two. And this is where my human connection story fails. There was no way for these women to see eye to eye. The hatred is fully entrenched. The sense of being wronged, of being persecuted, of being victimized is so embedded in their being there was no hope of a woman to woman moment of truth.

As I watch the new administration looking at new ways to address these multi-generational conflicts, I wonder if a possibility exists that reason can overwrite history. Can past wrongs be acknowledged and forgiven? Can borders be re-drawn and accepted? Can a new camelot arise with Might FOR Right, instead of Might IS Right? Will my generation or the next ever realize a basic human connection?

--------------- WEST WING INTERLUDE ------------

BARTLET: The Mideast reminds me of that joke about the optimist and the pessimist. The pessimist says “Everything is terrible. It can’t get any worse.” The optimist says “Oh, yes it can.”

HARPER: It can get easy to forget that there’s a silent majority on both sides who just want to live their lives.

BARTLET: Unfortunately, you spend all your time focusing on what’s drowning them out: the invective and bomb blasts.

HARPER: Isn’t it our ultimate moral responsibility to them?

BARTLET: It’s quicksand. An ego trip.

HARPER: Sir?

BARTLET: Chasing that Nobel Peace Prize right down the same sinkhole.

HARPER: After 50 years of strife and futility, there’s no dishonor in failure. The only dishonor might be not to try.

--------------- WEST WING INTERLUDE ------------

Amen Sister. Rather than allowing every media outlet and pundit in the world to tell us why not to try, why don't we wait and see if President Obama, Secretary Hillary, and Mr. Mitchell can all work together to pull that sword out of the stone.

Daylight Savings Killed My Clock

I always struggle with the first few days after we move the clock one way or the other...but not as much as my clock. I arrived at work to find the 12-inch DEADLINE clock on my wall quivering between 12 and 12:15. It was 9AM. I figure Daylight Savings Time killed it. It just couldn't face the fact that all of my deadlines were now 1 hour closer to being due.

I totally get it.

Movie Recommendations

This weekend I was able to view three movies - from Oscar winning to unknown - and yet if you asked me to rank best to worst, it wouldn't stack up with the popular opinion.



Best: Taking Chance. A 2009 HBO film starring Kevin Bacon as a guilt-ridden U.S. based Marine (Colonel) who is busy crunching numbers while his fellow marines are dying in Iraq and Afghanistan. Every night he reads the newly posted list of fallen Marines. On this night, he reads a name of a young Private First Class (PFC) Marine named Chance Phelps from his hometown and he determines to volunteer for escort duty. The movie chronicles his journey from Dover DE to the burial site in Wyoming and his interactions with people along the way. This movie was deeply touching and I was absolutely compelled to watch every frame. Some internet research yielded what I had known all along - it was based on the real life activities of the marine. His journal became a highly circulated email story and eventually found its way to HBO. The truth in this movie shone through from beginning to end.



Second: The Magdalene Sisters. This was a library find and an interesting and disturbing story. Based upon fact, but written as a fictional story, this 2002 movie depicts the asylums that were managed by the Sisters of Mercy. The worst part about these asylums is there seemed to be no rhyme or reason of why girls were committed there, except a perception of sin. The movie followed three new inmates and one existing inmate through their multiple years, essentially held as captives with no hope of discharge. One girl was raped at a family wedding - so her family committed her. One girl was seen flirting with boys at the gate of the orphanage school she attended - so the orphanage committed her. One girl had a baby out of wedlock, so her family committed her. When I described the movie to my husband he asked, "what century was this?" According to the footnote at the close of the movie, the last Magdalene "Laundry" was closed in 1996. Astonishing.


Third: Slumdog Millionaire. If you haven't heard of this 2008 movie you are totally out of touch. I was expecting a life altering experience based on the press surrounding this and its recent sweep of the awards, but maybe that was the biggest problem. My expectations were so high, there was probably no way for this movie to live up to them. The child actors were phenomenal and the circumstances of poverty in India and the struggles they are going through as they evolve into a new center of commerce were well represented. But I found myself checking my watch continually for the last 45 minutes. I also thought the brother filling the bathtub with cash at the end (won't say more to ensure no spoilers) was odd and maybe a little over the top symbolism. Overall, not the WOW I expected.

I'd recommend all three of these films. But manage your expectations. Don't expect life-altering experiences or you're bound to be disappointed.

To Say or Not to Say

Earlier this week I went on a rampage. A full out four-letter word rant about a member of my staff posted on this site.

It was warranted. It was cathartic. It was a gleeful experience.

It was probably also unwise. I deleted it.

While there are only a trusted few that I work with who read this little blog o'mine...you never know how things can get around. A random keyword search, as we all know, can take you to places you never dreamed. Given that my photo is everywhere on this site, it would be very quickly identified as my words should anyone stumble in.

Minnesota Matron is now censoring her blog because a family member just got a computer and indicated she was interested in getting into the internet blogging thing and searching on certain words that the Matron knows will beat a path to her door. Old posts about this relative are now disappearing as she seeks any entries she has created that might be hurtful or offensive - although they were never meant to be that.

Today, I had a meeting with the same person that I was ranting about two days ago. I was honest with her, in a much more diplomatic way, about my puzzlement (ahem...I said I was diplomatic) at her behavior, my expectations, my disappointment. I'm not sure it all sunk in...but it was at least a constructive conversation.

The other day the evening news cited a recent study that people who can show anger at work are healthier and more effective. Hubby has recently been told he needs to stop "mothering" his staff. I've been told alternatively that I expect too much from staff and just the opposite, that I'm too easy on my staff. This CNN Article says WOMEN who show anger at work are seen as being out of control. What can you do?

It comes down to the age old question of whether to say it or not. Is it going to solve anything to indicate disappointment? Is it going to change behavior? Is it, instead, going to de-rail something that isn't really THAT bad, but just not quite as good as you'd like it to be. Is it appropriate to put it in print...even somewhat anonymously? Is it better to stuff it all down into that hole in your stomach or blurt it out of that hole in your face?

Hopefully, you all have those trusted confidants who will patiently listen to your rants and will nod in total agreement and support with your frustration. They will offer you the confirmation you need that you are NOT crazy...and that everyone else is. They will not rat you out. They will not repeat your comments inappropriately. They will be there as your release valve.

They. Save. My. Life.

That way, even if you can't say it to the person directly - or at least from your emotional core - and you definitely can't put it in writing - at least with all the four letter expletives you are feeling - you can at least get it OUT.

The First Casualty

I swear I'm not turning into one of those people. Really, I'm not. I'm not an obsessive cat person so I can't believe I'm writing a post about my cats again...I'm deeply embarrassed. But this morning, as I lay in bed contemplating the newly fallen snow, my two cats were - as is their morning routine - chasing one another around the house. The first few times they did this, I was concerned for their wellbeing - especially when I hear sounds that remind me of a horrendous fall down the stairs - but they seem to be able to roll with it. Every once in a while I find a small but distinct blood spot which indicates the play escalated to a new level, but all in all, they seem to understand boundaries and how to survive rough play.


Today I descended from the bedroom though and found this:

My favorite lamp....


...sheared off at the joint...



...and the culprit returning to the scene of the crime.

Who knew the first real casualty would be an inanimate object?

Kitties: 1

House: 0

Mixed Messages

Why is it that reviews are never straightforward? I certainly understand that they need to be a mixture of strengths and weaknesses, praise and guidance, but when things are completely contrary it's hard to know where to go from there.

????????

• Use discretion. Do not express displeasure and disappointment about leadership.
• Express your opinion. Don't remain in the background.
• Expresses opinion well and is valued.

????????

• Take on a greater leadership style. Be less deferential in dealing with staff and managers.
• She is rough around the edges and harsh on staff - "my staff are terrified of her."
• Give people direction and hold them accountable, be more hands off.

????????

• Shows confidence and meets us as an equal at the table.
• Holds back and is "beaten down" by our organization.
• Has a phobia about numbers that trips her up - she should let it go.

???????

WTF.

There is more good than bad in the feedback that I received, but of course it is the bad that resonates with us. One set of comments in particular took me completely by surprise and were attributed to a female VP that I had no concept of having issues with. She described her staff as being "terrified of me." Me??? Little old me??? I cannot even imagine what I've done or said that has created this. And a part of me is horrified.

Another part of me is intrigued.

Am I less or more likely to get service from this team as a result of this terrifying persona?

Disconnect

I always knew my VP operated on a different plain that I do - especially in his private life - living in Manhattan by Central Park, traveling internationally constantly (winter trips to ski in Vail, mid-winter fishing in Patagonia, Christmas in The Hague, Summer in the Hamptons), but today I got my confirmation that it might actually be a different PLANET.

White tablecloth dining only in VP's world.

VP: "Hey - there are lots of leftovers from my lunch meeting if anyone wants something."

Admin: "Oh great, I haven't been able to get out for anything - what was the lunch?"


VP: "Sandwiches and things."


Admin: "From the regular deli?"


VP: "No, from some other place I never heard of - Quoo-Zee-Nos?"


Admin: "Um...do you mean Quiznos?"


VP: "Yeah, that might be it. Ever heard of it?"

Admin: (laughing) "Obviously you don't dine in the slums with the rest of us."

Fine dining for the "little people".

Popularity Contest

Did your high school have those fundraisers where different colored carnations were sold for like a dollar a piece? At my high school, the flowers were tinted for each possible event - and it seemed like there was a sale about every other week. Supposedly they were for the good of the class - you know, funds for PROM and GRADUATION and such.

BULL CRAP.

This was all about those most desirable chicks being able to act surprised and sweetly embarrassed when a bucketful of flowers were dumped on their desks in homeroom. They complained about having to carry them around all day from class to class, how INCONVENIENT it all was, how they couldn't understand how it was possible that Tom, Joe, Tim, Patrick AND Tony all bought them flowers the same day...I mean didn't those guys know she was already dating Peter? It was almost as bad as when they complained about having to wear their boyfriend's football jersey to school on game day. "Oh, it's so big, I look like a whale." "Oh I hate our school colors...if my boyfriend didn't MAKE me wear it I'd never wear this color."

GAG.

In my senior year of high school, I sat duty at the flower sale table rolling my eyes as the same names were written on the delivery cards over and over again. Nothing had changed for FOUR LONG YEARS. It was almost always the RASCK (a clique that was created using the first letters of each of the girls' first names). Renata, Amy, Stacy, Cindi, Karen....(notice there is NO W in RASCK).

At one point I actually asked a guy I was friends with to just BUY ME A DAMN FLOWER ALREADY. I told him he could send it to me ANONYMOUSLY. I told him I would GIVE him the dollar.

He politely declined.

Color me embarrassed.

Now, I've always had friends. And lots of them. Even in high school and across all cliques. My friends are top quality folks and I love them. Even though most of them continue to abandon me and scatter to the four corners of the earth these days. But I guess I still suffer from that sense of non-popular (a.k.a. inferiority) complex that was represented by my flowerless days in high school.

Time for redemption.

Last week I was recommended for an on-line interview on the internet. And, well, they have a voting process for the most popular blogs. I don't pretend to play in the big leagues here - no penetrating discussions here of hot news topics, no in-depth soul searching, not even superior writing or even good grammar.

But, I sure would like to get a couple of votes.

Click here, read my boring interview, and give me your vote.
(You can vote once every 24 hours...you know American Idol style)

And while you're at it, why not visit the upper right corner of my blog and "Follow me" so I can believe in the hordes of you out there hanging on my every word.

Won't you make me just a little popular??