Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Trivial or Tragic

A friend commented that I haven't been blogging in the last few days. (So this is for you Amybow!) The last few days have been strange and in a continual fluxuation between the trivial and the tragic.

Trivial: I noticed a moment last Thursday when I was smiling for no reason. At that moment I felt really happy. It actually stopped me in my tracks. I thought about examining it, but was afraid to dissect it and destroy it. So I just tried to enjoy it. Downside is, how can you recreate or repeat something if you don't know why it happened in the first place.

Serious, but not tragic (thank god): Mom was in the hospital on Friday with chest pains. Luckily it was diagnosed as gastritis and she is following up with other outpatient tests to be sure, but it was frightening. Mom had a hysterectomy at a young age (only about 2 years older than I am now) due to cancer of the uterus. One of the side effects can be heart issues because of the loss of estrogen. So far, she's tested well, but it was frightening (yes, I typed that twice).

Trivial: TV marathan this weekend. I did accomplish a few chores, but ignored take home work, classwork, and anything else that would engage my brain in any real activity. I even turned off phone (after checking in with Mom early in the day) to avoid any unnecessary chatter. Thought about blogging about some of the "deeper" movies like 21 grams (wow, freaky) etc, but just couldn't get up the brain power.

Trivial, but exhausting: Preparing for big executive meetings at my office can be a marathon race filled with unexpected hurdles and changing course. I have 3 to prepare for next week. I become exhausted just thinking about them, much less actually preparing for them. This is another case of focus focus focus must be the key - instead of my usual procrastination tactics. A friend told me today of a triangle where the base corners are (left) where you are; (right) where you want to go, or horizon and the top corner represents your comfort zone. The path is much longer to go to comfort zone on the way from where you are to where you need to be, but we usually take it to avoid the uncomfortable/stressful/anxious direct line on the base. I have to think more about that as it relates to my job and life choices.

Tragic: Received a call on Monday from a best friend from high school. She's one of those people that you have history with - back to the painful days of middle school - and yet whose presence in your life survives neglect, changing lifestyles, distances of geography, and all the other factors that cause friendships to fade away. We talk rarely, we see each other even more rarely, but on this day she called me. She had to tell me her little sister was killed in a traffic accident. I have no words to express the sorrow I feel. This was the kid we used to shoo out of the room on the hour while we did our teenage girl things. She grew to be an amazing woman and I'm sorry I didn't know her in her adult years. She was only 31 when she was killed - a moped has no chance against a taxi in the streets of Spain. My goal is now to support my friend - try and fill some of the hole in her life - and learn about the life that her sister lived.

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