Friday, November 9, 2007

Pinballs in My Brain

So I've got all kinds of thoughts rolling around in my head today...none of them related. Get ready for some very random thoughts.

Blog Editing. Why do some people show editing in their final blog??? I've noticed some people show word cross outs and changes in their final version. Is it supposed to be some cute effect to show the original thought as well as the better-thought out final wording? I don't really get that. What's the purpose of editing, if people see both the before and after?

Adding Music to Site. NaBloPoMo has a really easy tool to add a playlist of my music from i-tunes. I've seen at least a few blogs out there with a little player embedded on their site. How do you build that?

Sharing Your Blog. I know that a lot of people out there use aliases (as do I) and don't share their site with anyone they know in real life. I have a personal connection with one person who has a blog and shared it with me, but only me...otherwise it is locked down tight. Me? I'm a hybrid. I carefully select people to share with and I try to keep it locked up tight by controlling how people I know cross-link me. For example, before I listed Amybow's site on my site, I told her who we knew in common I'd be sharing with. Didn't want to expose her if she wanted to keep it private.

Writing for Me or You? Many blogs get so personal. That Chick is a personal hero of mine (as I've said repeatedly) for her honesty, integrity, and strength. I've gotten a little personal here or there, but haven't really done a lot of inner turmoil stuff...yet. I so admire how some people put it out there. And I'm impressed that most comments I read are pure support and care in response. I know there are some crazy people out there...but I've been lucky not to be exposed to them yet. I like to be fun and entertaining too. But sometimes it's all about what's big in my world that day and it's not always fun and not always interesting...but it's my life.

Contoversy & Offense. I've noticed that many of the blogs I read have some element of faith in them. I created two posts {Fossils, Holy Holy Holy} not long ago that kind of trashed organized religion. I can get pretty heavy handed on this topic and want to be sure those of you out there who have a true and abiding faith, and a warm and welcoming church, know I envy you.

I experienced that as a child. I was once in the church choir (jr and senior) and I loved being up at the front of the church - knowing all the hymns really well because we practiced in advance, harmonizing with a group of people on gorgeous music, listening to a wonderful sermon, enjoying the minister's "children's moments" when he gathered all the kids to the steps beneath the alter to teach them a lesson before they adjourned to the nursery for sunday school. (Kids do say the darndest things).

It all turned sour when our beloved minister retired and a new man came to town. He promptly dismissed our similarly beloved choir master because she wrote romance novels. Not pornography, romance novels. That was only the first of many changes where I started to notice how religion and power and hypocrisy could turn beautiful things ugly.

As I got older, my distrust of religion was fueled by seeing how many cultures and countries use religion as a reason to kill and overthrow governments and generally wreak havoc.

So, if you are one of my blogging friends and you have peace in religion, I DO envy you. Honestly. And I hope you won't stop reading because I occasionally vent on this topic. I do have faith in God. It's faith in the men who say they speak for God that is missing.

Holiday Season. You'll see me talk about this a few times as the month of November and December progress. I kind of dread holiday season. As I've aged, these holidays have lost a lot of luster. I am now totally plugged into the undercurrents of stress that accompany these days.

Yesterday, in the local Hallmark store, they were playing christmas music. Some of my favorites - from the Charlie Brown christmas album. And I started to get in the mood. I started to feel the urge for brighly colored packages and warm spiced cider, lights and greens decorating the neighborhood, and animated christmas specials on tv.

Christmas is with my in-laws this year. I have a wonderful relationship with my in-laws, but it's kind of a lonely day with just the 4 of us. No kids, no extended family. I miss my childhood days where my mom and my aunt used to take turns hosting the christmas day event and it would be a whole gang of us together with lots of chaos, food, and fun. My solace is Christmas Eve. Usually hubby and I do something just for ourselves on the Eve. Something with friends, or just us. Exchange gifts. Have a special meal. Light a fire. Enjoy some music, etc. That? is something I really love and look forward to.

When it is my mom's turn for us to share christmas, the Eve remains my favorite. We go to a church where my friend sings and then to my best friend C's house for a post church evening with her and her family. We grew up like sisters - best friends living across the street from one another - and I totally love her. I probably get to see her maybe once or twice a year...and I treasure the time.

I'm going to try and finish my holiday chores early. Decorate my house (I only do that about once every 5 years) and get INTO it this year. I'll keep the blog up to date with my progress on turning the holidays around this year.

To Learn or Not To Learn. I'm totally torn about signing up for my next semester. I have been TOTALLY exhausted and feeling overwhelmed with work lately. Adding another class in the midst of holiday season seems overwhelming. This weekend is the test. I have to really look at the syllabus, my schedule, and evaluate my commitment. If I bail on only my second semester, will I ever go back??

I warned you that I had lots of pinballs bouncing around my brain tonight. Should be interesting to see if anyone comments here, or if I've put you all to sleep.


Jude said...

I know what you mean about the "pinball". That is how I have been all day...saying, this is the weekend I am really going to start blogging everyday (it's a long weekend for schools); I can talk about this and that; try to get away from negatives; talk about positives (they are not as much fun!)...check out my blog later, your are the only one who can!

Mrs. G. said...

As a huge lover of the strike out--the cross out of the actual or less politically correct though--I am sure I over-use it at least ten times a day. I don't know why I like it so sort of brings out the junior high school girl in me. I do try to go easy on the inner turmoil though. Thanks for commenting.

Catch Her in the Wry said...

Will this new degree advance your career substantially? Or are you doing it for yourself? We workaholics are also overachievers. If you are only doing it for yourself, and it's making you this stressed, I say chuck it and allow yourself a life outside work/school. I didn't learn to do that until I turned 50.

Boogaloo Dude said...

Maybe one of my recent blog posts will answer your first question.